Autumn's Calling

Ladies and Gentlemen...

2011-04-10T15:21:00.003-04:00

Here it is, FINALLY! The film you've not been waiting for- "Occurrence".

I'm not sure if I even have any followers anymore as I rarely post, but my hope is that some of you will take a look, and let me know what you think! I hope you've all been well and are enjoying your lives to their fullest!

Happy and Slappy New Tears!

2011-01-01T13:37:00.002-05:00

Jumpin' on here to wish ALL, any, or none of you-cause no one may be checkin' this blog out anymore-a VERY Happy Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise 2011!!! One of my MANY 2011 resolutions is to return here more often to entertain, confuse, and befuddle any and all of my Blogger friends who my regroup and rejoin me in my continuing into the void of insanity..........................................or not.
8^0~

Amazon Commercial World Premier

2010-05-20T20:37:00.001-04:00

I promised a loooooooong time ago to put up any film work I produced, and here it is! Actually, my DP and me had shot half of a short film titled "The Conversation", halting production to film an entry (30 sec. commercial) for an Amazon.com competition. Sadly a few hours late, it was not accepted. I proudly present it to you in all it's failed glory-Enjoy.

Please feel free to comment, although it's been so long since I posted anything, I'm sure any of my blog followers are long into the wind.

Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Star.....

2009-09-15T16:40:00.002-04:00

According to Space.com, Thousands of stargazers were thrilled this past Wednesday by a spectacular light show in the night sky. Earthlings may be surprised at what caused it, spacemen not so much.

The stargazers can thank NASA. The beautiful starry-starry night was created when astronauts aboard the space shuttle Discovery emptied the urine tanks. Well ain't that a pisser! :^)

HAPPY BLOGGERVERSARY!

2009-09-06T00:06:00.002-04:00

Today OFFICIALLY marks FLAST's one year anniversary! It's been fun- sometimes. I've un-met some very interesting strangers here, and made a few kinda-sorta-friends. I truly can't believe it's been a year!!! Good year? Bad year? Can't we just say a year? There I said it.

I've been errant here lately, as I try, through MANY interventions, to overcome my addiction to "Crack-Book". I appreciate all your support.It's just kinda hard to shake the instant gratification I receive over there as opposed to the dust bowl, tumbleweed ridden domain, that has overtaken my humble blog. ;^)

THANKS to all of you who've come along for the ride, despite a drunk behind the wheel. I'm glad we never got pulled over, as it may have been a long walk home for some of you. I appreciate each and EVERY comment left by anyone who took the time to leave one or three. I'm even thankful for any possible cyber lurkers/stalkers that deftly stuck to the shadows.

Hooray for no one in particular. To (possibly) be continued.....

Happy 40th Birthnet!

2009-09-03T16:06:00.002-04:00

The technology that transformed the world as we know it, and that is allowing me to do what I'm doing here at Blogger, turned the BIG 4-0 yesterday!

On September 2, 1969, UCLA scientists working in their lab, got two computers to "talk" to each other, and well, you pretty much know the rest.

DAMN, my blog just crashed! :^)

STRANGE but TRUE?!

2009-09-02T17:03:00.002-04:00

Talk about the ol' ball & chain......

A man robbed a bank in Ephrata, PA., hoping to be arrested and jailed to escape his overbearing wife. At his hearing he explained to the judge that he'd been afraid to leave her because she had threatened to kill herself if he did. The couple eventually did divorce, but the man was sentenced to spend three to six years behind bars.

Too bad. He apparently didn't have a very good attorney who could both get him out of jail, AND take care of the divorce at the same time. :-(

The Dog Days of Summer

2009-09-02T13:45:00.002-04:00

Sadly, the world's oldest dog has died. Chanel, a Long Island wire-haired dachshund, was 21-years-old. That would be 147 in dog years. Guinness Book of World Records officials celebrated her last birthday in style, with family and friends in May, at a Manhattan dog hotel and spa.

RIP Chanel! Although your bark has been silenced , and your bite has bitten the dust, your tiny spirit lives on as you ascend to that giant Alpo can in the sky.

Think On It!

2009-08-13T17:44:00.002-04:00

"It is always too late, or too little, or both. And that is the road to disaster."

- David Lloyd George, English statesman
(1863-1945)

Whistle While You Work!

2009-08-11T16:08:00.000-04:00

I've never been a very good whistler. Mind you, I've tried. I often consider all the lost chances I've had to meet an attractive woman because I couldn't whistle well- say THAT 50 times fast! :~)

I tend to do my best whistling with a mouth full of crackers. It's much more fun to try and whistle that way. Especially if someone you don't like is sitting across from you. I'm not a fan of whistlers in general unless they are VERY talented and proficient in the art form, or whistling a tune I dig.

That said, I'm VERY grateful for my bosses annoying whistling habit, and I'll tell ya why. Although he doesn't whistle well, nor have much flair and style, he more than makes up for it in sheer volume. Do you know where this is headed?

Since I occasionally dilly-dally and willy-nilly (aren't those fun to say?) at work, taking several coffee breaks, in your Face Booking, blogging, newspaper reading, etc., I'm forever indebted for his unintentional, I'm-coming-down-the-hallway-to-your-office-so-you'd-better-be-working air raid siren that I can hear a mile away. His early warning signal USUALLY gives me enough time to hide any contraband well before his arrival, all the while clicking off of pages I shouldn't be lookin' at!

So thank you boss, for your lack of talent and helpful noise making, which allows my day to be more counter-productive and relaxed. I sure hope he doesn't change to humming. I think that would be very difficult to hear.

Did You Know That...

2009-08-09T15:07:00.001-04:00

recycling a three foot stack of newspapers can save one whole tree?!

I'm gonna start savin' my toothpicks.

Could It Possibly Be True?!

2009-08-04T21:21:00.003-04:00

A 32-year-old man in St. Paul, Minn., had a distinctive cloverleaf tattoo on his left arm, a Celtic cross tattoo on his right bicep, and was wearing a cap with a clover leaf emblem. You'd think he'd be pretty lucky, right?

Well, no. Ya see, he ripped off a convenience store, and was quickly apprehended because of all the unlucky clovers several witnesses noticed!

Give that guy a bowl of cereal!

Think On It! Patriotic Edition

2009-08-04T09:07:00.002-04:00

"The trouble with this country is that there are too many people going about saying, "The trouble with this country is..."

- Sinclair Lewis, American author
(1885-1951)

Is That All There Is?!

2009-07-29T15:44:00.003-04:00

So the chief calls me in my waaaay back office ("The Ice Box"), as he often does, and in a stern serious tone, tells me to come up to HIS office. Uh-oh! I forgot, eyes and ears are everywhere in this place! As a current example, he caught me (via computer) on Facebook earlier in the day, even writing it on my "wall" for all the world to see! Sure I could use the argument that he was on it too, but I'm pretty sure that's an argument I would quickly lose. And as he often says, "I'm the chief that's why!"

I slowly took the perp walk dragging my feet all the way up to his office through the dingy, dimly lit hallways, with my head hung low, expecting to be rebuked, as my mind quickly raced to come up with a really clever and imaginative excuse as to why I was on FB on company time. As I reached the door to his office, I realized I had nothin', and would just man-up and take whatever punishment was coming my way.

He was on the phone as I entered, and looking up, motioned for me to sit in the electric chair. He picked up something from his desk and threw it at me. Thank God for my still employable cat-like reflexes- they still serve me well. As I look down at what he threw, 25 years of my life washed over me like a tidal wave. As I was drowning, I realized I was holding a black pleather (?) bi-fold containing my PBA Silver Life Card! This is the metal card you receive when you've worked 25 years and are about to retire.

There was no fanfare. No drama. No tears. No gold watch. No nothin', aside from the (real?) silver metal card with my name lovingly (not!) etched upon it. I looked up at the chief, hoping for a smile, or a wink, or nod, but he just motioned for me to leave.

How utterly anti-climatic! The card's NOT even gold for crap sake! Well, I guess this is one of those, don't let the door hit you on the ass, type situations............sigh.

Adios, Amigos!

2009-07-23T11:34:00.003-04:00

For whom the Taco Bell tolls, it sadly tolls for an advertising icon. The famous Taco Bell chihuahua (Gidget) who fascinated the world in the 90's with the catch phrase, "Yo quiero Taco Bell!", died this past Tuesday from complications due to a stroke. Gidget, actually voiced by actor Carlos Alazraqui (Reno 911!) on the commercials, was 15-dog years-old when she went to that salsa and guacamole filled burrito in the sky.

Vaya con tacos, amigo!

"One Small...W-H-A-T?!

2009-07-23T09:09:00.003-04:00

It was 40 years ago, well, a few days ago. I'm talkin' 'bout the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 mission to the moon. When Neil Armstrong, along with fellow astronaut Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin, landed on the moon, as well as into the history books. I must also include the final member of the 3 man crew, Michael Collins who circled the moon, while the other two walked upon it.

As Armstrong exited the lunar landing module, he spoke those famous first words; "That's one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind." That's what we all heard, except Armstrong says that not what he said...sorta. Armstrong claims he actually said, "That's one small step for 'a' man." The 'a' apparently was not heard by those listening.

At a press conference in 1999, Armstrong insisted "the 'a' was intended." Science, and NASA, back him up. In 2006, Peter Ford, a computer programmer, ran a software analysis. While looking over the the sound wave data, he found one that would have been the missing "a." Armstrong, along with experts at the Smithsonian Institution took a look at the evidence provided by Mr. Ford, and found it convincing.

Either way, whether said or not, I think the whole damn thing is pretty amazing. The 3 astronauts recently said that we should now focus on exploration of Mars. That'll cost quite a bit of moo-la in today's fiscally challenged environment. We shall see. Thank you and good night.

R.I.P. Walter Cronkite, American television news anchorman
(1916-2009)

Think On It!

2009-07-22T12:22:00.005-04:00

"The love we give away is the only love we keep."

- Elbert Hubbard, American author
(1856-1915)

Well said, Mr. H!

I know I've been posting quite a few of these filler "thought" thangs, but ya gotta admit I choose carefully and best! Hooray for myself and I!

-Stay tuned for nothing folks-

STEFANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-21T16:50:00.002-04:00

I went to check your blog and it's GONE! What happened?! I hope you're OK. You were the first stranger to comment on my blog. Contact me if you can.

I have abandonment issues! :~)

Think On It!

2009-07-21T12:55:00.003-04:00

"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."

- Ingrid Bergman, Swedish-born actress
(1915-1982)

Think On It!

2009-07-17T16:54:00.003-04:00

"Sometimes it's worse to win a fight than to lose."

- Billie Holiday, American jazz singer
(1915-1959)

Down To The Wire!

2009-07-15T16:41:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but I was hoping to enter Amazon.com's 30 sec. commercial spot contest. I haven't even finished shooting my short ("The Conversation") yet. Between work, the band, a visiting friend and her son, and sadly my current sick addiction to Facebook, I haven't had much time.

My partner and me ("Cop Out Productions"), were finally able to get together this past Sunday to shoot. I only had about 3 hours to find an "actor" and location so we could shoot the footage before I had band rehearsal. Much to my surprise we were able to do most of what we set out to do.

We've needed to do a rough cut so I could have my friend from the band lay down a simple score. In a slight panic, I'd been trying to reach my partner on his cell for the past day and 1/2 with no success. My anxiety level increased as time quickly passed, when FINALLY I get a call in my office that my partner was waiting up front for me.

We quickly got the rough cut finished so my friend can add some music. Sadly I didn't realize just how short 30 seconds can be until you have to edit, as I don't have much experience in that department. We had to trim the whole beginning which I loved. We'll see tomorrow when we do the final cut. I'll need the music done by then.

We have until Friday at midnight to have this thing completed and received. Hopefully we can download it and send it as a file. Worst case scenario- we'll have to send it by courier pigeon.

Wish me luck!

I'm So Ashamed...

2009-07-11T14:03:00.002-04:00

Now I've gone and done it. I've tread where I've dreaded to tread. I've joined Satan's playground. The communist central location known as Facebook.

I feel like a martyred hypocrite. In all honesty, the ONLY reason I joined was to track down my friend CH. Well, I succeeded, but now I'm trapped. Monsters old and new are crawling up from their dungeons, or slithering out from underneath beds everywhere.

Old foes as well as some former Nemesis's wanting suddenly to be my "friend", after many years of regret, deep meditation, and mellowing. HELLLLLLLP MEEEEEEE!

I must admit however, it's sickly (or is that sickeningly) addictive. I feel like it's just another distraction from posting here at FLAST. It is summer however, and readership is down 5/3's, as people who have real lives find better things to do than read this drivel.

Speaking of summer, I sure hope you're enjoying yours! Don't forget to slather on some sunblock, SPF 5000.

Think On It

2009-07-08T10:39:00.002-04:00

"Only a mediocre person is always at his best."

- W. Somerset Maugham

English author and dramatist (1874-1965)

Stupid Is As Stupid Does!

2009-07-03T10:51:00.003-04:00

This one rates pretty high on the Richter scale of DUH!

I arrive to work this morning at my usual start time of 8:30am. I soon realize that aside from dispatch, the rest of the offices are empty. "Well, at least today should be an easy day," I think, as my immediate boss(es) are MIA, apparently for the Fourth of July weekend.

That's not so unusual as today is only July 3rd, and I've had to work before on or near some of the more minor holidays. While at work I'm performing my usual hardworking tasks of reading the newspaper(s), and going out for coffee.

After working very diligently on Amazon.com, I decided to call my chief whose vacationing up in Vermont at his villa. "H-E-L-L-O" he says, as he answers his cell. "Just wanted to say hi, and see how your vaca is going," I replied. "Where are you?", he asks. "I'm at work where I'm supposed to be." "Um, yeah...you're off today you dumb-ass!" "Ooooooooh, oops." "Nice talkin to ya chief."

And there you have folks, just one more incident of me impressing myself and NO ONE else.

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!, unless of course you reside outside of the good ol' USofA! Don't blow off any fingers, appendages, or other assorted body parts. With fireworks I mean.

Think On It

2009-06-30T16:53:00.002-04:00

"Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young."

- Sir Arthur Wing Pinero, English dramatist
(1855-1934)

POSTage DUE!

2009-06-25T16:47:00.003-04:00

I've been meaning to blog, with several saved drafts in a holding pattern, along with the one's floating around my noggin', but at the end of the day...

Looking back over them, they seem kinda irrelevant at this point, though some were actually sorta serious and important to me, and if you follow this blog at all, you know that's quite a rarity! So if you're bored, there are a few fillers posted below this unnecessary post.

I tend to be a binge blogger- all or nothin'! I gotta get to rehab, this 12 step thing ain't workin' for me. OK, Strap yourselves in, and hold on tight! I can't stand it! ;-)

~ THE SET LIST ~

2009-06-25T16:28:00.002-04:00

My band, (The Spastic Colons, er...PLAYBACK) has a gig tonight at a local dive. We're playing only one set (approx. 40-45 mins.) and early, 'cause it's a school night. Since none of you can be there, I thought I'd post tonight's set-list so you can feel as if you were actually in attendance at this (sure to be) monumental rock show!

You can thank me later in your own special way.

1. Secret Agent Man- Johnny Rivers
2. I Won't Back Down- Petty
3. (I'm Not Your) Steppin' Stone- Monkees
4. I'm A Believer- Diamond/Monkees
5. Soul Deep-Box Tops
6. All Day & All Of The Night-Kinks
7. The Last Time- Stones
8. Little Sister- Elvis
9. Outside Looking In- Original Tune
10. The Kids Are Alright- Who
11. The Letter- Box Tops
12. Been Lonely Too Long- Rascals
13. I Fought The Law- Bobbie Fuller 4
14. I Want To Hold Your Hand- Beatles
15. Peace, Love, & Understanding- E. Costello
16. Little Bit Of Soul (EMERGENCY TUNE)- I forget the groups name, but I think Clapton was in it.

And there you have it. Relatively old dudes playin' relatively old tunes! :^)

- Panty Raid -

2009-06-25T16:09:00.003-04:00

In the one-horse town where I play Johnny Lawman, we've experienced a rash of delicate and intimate thefts this past year and change. Yes folks, I'm talkin' undies, fundies, bloomers, etc.

We have a Victoria's Secret retail store in town that's been repeatedly shoplifted by the mysterious, infamous, and eternally eluding capture, "UN-D-GANG." That's NOT an official moniker, but a clever name I just now came up with.

Now the amount of missing panties absconded with are not 2 or 3, we're talkin' in the hundreds! The most recent score netted approximately 300 to 400 pairs of undergarments. There's a front and back entrance to the store. How do these ever vigilant employees miss the interlopers is beyond me. Security cameras, alarms, machine gun turrets, and mine fields don't seem to stop these heathens. Methinks it may be an inside job.

I don't know. I'm quite fond of the aqua blue ones I'm wearing as I type this. I'd better go finish counting the rest and get 'em up on evilBay! I know Victoria's Secret and I ain't tellin'! ;~)

Signs of the APOCALYPSE?!

2009-06-18T12:47:00.002-04:00

#1- A family in China, borrowed their neighbor's cat after a mouse had invaded their home. It seemed like a very good idea until the cat and the mouse became fast friends (there's a children's story in there somewhere!). The cat "neglected his duty," complained the man who had borrowed the cat. "They are friends, and the cat even cuddles up to the mouse."

#2- A black Lab mix, from Seattle, named Jack, got stoned from head to tail after swallowing marijuana at a local park. "His eyes were kind of glossed over, very out of touch," said Jack's owner. "When he was trying to walk, he was looking at his paw, then looking at the ground and then trying to get the paw to reach the ground, but he was unsuccessful."

Methinks, kinda like most humans that get high! Is this the end, or will there be MORE signs?

"Pan-damn-ic"

2009-06-16T16:16:00.003-04:00

It was just a matter of time...

I know I promised I wouldn't post about this any more. I'm also well aware several legal and binding documents were signed, but today I felt it necessary to break some rules.

It was announced today that New Jersey-the Garden State, home of ME, has OFFICIALLY confirmed the first death due to complications with the H1N1 ("Swine-Flu") virus.

Last week the "WHO" declared H1N1 influenza a global pandemic, indicating the decease is spreading from person to person in multiple communities worldwide, however this determination did not reflect a change in the severity of the illness (how comforting).

As of June 12, there were 17,855 confirmed cases of H1N1 flu in the US, with 45 deaths. The states reporting the largest number of deaths were NY with 13, CA with 6, and AZ & IL with 5.

They also mention that those who died already had "underlying health issues." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! Should I be worried? Should we be worried?! Should I cut back on caffeine?

We now return you to our regularly scheduled program.

Smell Like A King!

2009-06-16T15:56:00.003-04:00

I apologize if this news is over done, but I recently learned that Burger King, home of the BK Whopper, has released a perfume-cologne called "FLAME". Yes, you read that correctly. If you can't have a burger, you can smell like one. It's touted as "a subtle hint of flame-grilled beef."
It's further described it as, "The world's first perfume to contain the irresistible sizzling overtones of the Whopper."

File this one under WTF were they thinking?! Is this supposed to help my love/sex life?- which by the way needs ALL the help it can get these days. At least I know it will keep the female vegetarians away. Speaking of which, what's next? "Very-Vegetarian"? How 'bout Cold Stone Cologne" or "McStinky"? If I want a burger, I'm gonna eat it, NOT wear it!!!

Excuse me, do you want fries and a shake with that scent?!
:-)

That's a Wrap...Sorta

2009-06-15T15:40:00.002-04:00

After months of blabbing, short film this-short film that, I finally began filming "The Conversation" yesterday. I'm glad I can FINALLY put my money where my mouth is, although it'll all be in pennies! :~\

I thought we (actually there's only two of us) would be able to finish the whole short in just a couple of hours. Silly me. After shooting for almost three hours, including set-ups and lighting, we had used up about 30 minutes of MINI-DV (digital video) tape, of which approx. 1 1/2 minutes of that will be used. When all the footage is shot, it will be edited down to a three or four minute short. Did that even make any sense?!

There's only one location and two actors. It's the first DV film I've ever made, so there's a very S-T-E-E-P learning curve for me. Thank God I've got a VERY talented partner to help make this thing as good as it can be. Hopefully it will turn out well. We will return to location this Wednesday night, HOPEFULLY to wrap (cool Hollywood term, eh?) shooting. From there it'll be the editing process, where I believe we will make or break this monstrosity.

Despite the films measly length, I don't wanna rush it. When it's completed I'll link it here as well as YT, and wherever else I can whore it out. I have absolutely NO shame....well maybe just a little. :^)

I'm going for a "G" rating, although the MPAA has threatened to bring down the hammer and hit us with a hard "R". I hope not, 'cause that'll kill the marketing of the picture, and we won't be able to sell any toys or Happy Meals. :-(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZETZ!

2009-06-14T17:52:00.003-04:00

Aka- Stefany from "Mental Vertigo". If you haven't checked out her blog PLEASE do so. She's a very interesting girl to say the least- if you like film, media, and stuff like that, you should enjoy it.

She was the 1st (stranger) to post a comment on my lonely blog not long after I began it, when I thought NO ONE was actually reading it.

I'll ALWAYS be grateful for that. I consider her a friend and one of the nicest people I've NEVER met. ;~)

~ The Sweetest of Peas ~

2009-06-11T16:10:00.002-04:00

Sadly VK's (see earlier post) Sweet Pea is gone. She hung on, strong of spirit until it was time to let go. VK of course is devastated, losing her nearest and dearest. I've been attempting to write a poem for VK and Pea. When, and if, I come up with something worthy, I will surely post it.

PLEASE continue to hold VK in your hearts, thoughts, and prayers, as she struggles through these difficult times. :-(

Pay For An "A"?!

2009-06-09T12:01:00.002-04:00

Schools participating in a controversial program that actually pays kids for good grades have seen a boost of nearly 40% higher points in math and reading scores. The Sparks program pays seventh-graders up to $500 and fourth-graders up to as much as $250 for their performance on a total of ten assessments.

Of the 61 fourth and seventh grades participating in the program, only 16 improved less than the citywide average gain in math since last year, while 21 did so in reading. Many school officials saw indisputable improvements- including more motivation and better focus.

More than 8,000 kids have collectively earned 1.25 million since the privately funded pilot program began, however critics argue that paying kids to work harder in school corrupts the idea of learning for educations sake alone.

The initiative, enacted for high-poverty schools, was created by a Harvard University economist, and is run out of the Massachusetts-based Educational Innovation Laboratory which aside from NYC, is conducting similar "cash-for-kids" trials in Chicago and Washington DC.

I'm not sure this is a good idea. I'm kinda torn on the whole issue. Will the money motivate greed as well as learning? What about self-pride and confidence. Has the notion of happiness from a job well done and good grades become archaic? It seems kinda sad to me. What do you think?

Where was this program when I was a poor, struggling inner-city child? What's next IRA'S and deferred comp programs for potty training?! Sheesh.

Kung-Fu Grip

2009-06-09T12:00:00.003-04:00

By now most of you are aware of the recent Death of actor David Carradine (72). His body was found inside a closet by a maid at the hotel where he was staying in Taiwan. His death, Initially ruled a suicide, is now currently under investigation as a "suspicious death", due to the circumstances of the rope used, was found around his neck as well as his genitals.

The initial autopsy revealed the cause of death as a sudden lack of oxygen- really?! Ya think?! The family rejects the reports of suicide, stating he had never seemed happier, and was busy in Taiwan shooting a film. Thai police said there were no signs of a struggle.

Davis Carradine had starred in over 200 films and TV shows. He became famous for his portrayal of a Chinese drifter seeking enlightenment and justice, in the successful TV show Kung-Fu, from the 70's. Recently he was best known for playing Bill in the film "Kill Bill", released as two parts in '03 & '04.

RIP David Carradine (1936-2009)

Carradine's death got me thinking about another celebrity death under similar suspicious circumstances. On 11/22/97, Michael Hutchence (38), the lead singer for the successful pop group INXS, was found dead in a Sydney hotel room. His body was found hanging from a door with his belt around his neck. The coroner ruled his death a suicide. There was no note left. During the investigation it was found that he was apparently in the act of auto-erotic asphyxiation, when he accidentally hung himself. If you are not aware what "aa" (not the alcoholic organization) is, I'll leave it up to you to research it.

When Nature Calls!

2009-06-09T11:40:00.004-04:00

Bathroom, restroom, washroom, powder room, loo, crapper, lavatory, facility, potty, latrine, can, and toilet. These are some of the MANY names for locations to ease or relieve oneself.

Whilst sitting on the " ", in the " ", I considered this $h!tty topic of (self) interest and decided to do some research to enlighten myself, and perhaps if the fates allow, a few readers.

What is your desired location for this (hopefully) daily function? Me?, being of the male persuasion, I'm usually happy enough to locate a fortuitous spot on the side of the road, hopefully with some foliage as cover. Comfort however is also a major factor. I tend to bring some type of reading material with me in my interior to exterior search for enlightenment, besides it seems to be the ONLY place I'm able to multi-task!

"Loo"- A common term in the UK, apparently originating from the French phrase,
gardez l'eau. In the insanitary days of the 17th century, people in Europe- mostly the UK, would cry out this warning before dumping chamber pots from their windows onto the streets below. L'eau (water) eventually was Anglicised to "loo".

"Toilet"- The actual device used for action!
"Latrine"- A hole in the ground usually associated with camping or the military.
"Lavatory"- Formal UK term for toilet.
"Bathroom"- Room w/a bath &/or shower often joined to a bedroom. Usually referring to a home setting.
"Restroom/washroom"- A North American term generally used in restaurants and bars, as they sound more sanitary than toilet.
"Powder room"- A less common term used by the female gender in reference to restaurants, hotels, and theatres.
"Potty"- A generally juvenile term used by parents.

That my friends and foes was just another one of my crappy posts! Suddenly I'm feeling a bit flushed. I should probably sit down. :-)

< THINKABLE THOUGHTS >

2009-06-05T15:26:00.003-04:00

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."

- John Quincy Adams (1767-1848)
Lawyer, diplomat, politician, and 6th president of the US

Apparently I've not been much of a leader. ;^)

WEIRD but is it TRUE?!

2009-06-05T14:49:00.002-04:00

A cereal killer in the making?

In the sunny, earth-quake prone state of California, a judge threw out a lawsuit filed by a woman who sued Quaker-Oats, the manufacturer of Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries. Her complaint was she had been eating it for four years before she discovered that Crunchberries are NOT real fruit! (Huh?!)

The woman insisted she never would have bought the cereal if she knew that the Crunchberries are nothing more than tiny, colored, cereal balls.

Dingleberrie is more like it! :~o

In younger years I loved me some of da Cap'ns finest. Those little golden nuggets were damn delicious! The only problem was the texture of said nugget was so sharp, children across the USofA were constantly cutting up the roofs of their poor innocent mouths- mine included.

The trade-off was fine with me as the cereal's yumminess factor and toy surprise usually far outweighed the blood-letting and stitches!

Anybody got milk?! :-)

* Unfortunate Cookie Friday *

2009-06-05T14:41:00.002-04:00

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

-Confucius-Confused-Concerned (& Juvenile)

Friend or Foe?!

2009-06-04T16:17:00.002-04:00

It's pretty damn cool that there are real people out there that read my little slice of heaven, and very small part of the universe, that is my humble blog. Legend has it that there's 28 of you. I also realize more often than not, it's quality, NOT quantity. By this I mean about 30% of the displayed "followers" do not actually follow FLAST. They are friends and acquaintances who are kind enough to sign up for, but NEVER read, nor post comments on this blog. MY own FRIENDS!

This was not intended to be a post about me being a whinny bitch, but to whole-heartily THANK the 60% (more or less- it's not an exact science) who DON'T EVEN KNOW ME, that DO take the time to read and comment! It means a lot. It truly does!

Here's to another 500 imaginary followers... :-)

Is This FINALLY The End??!!

2009-06-04T15:05:00.002-04:00

Today whilst at work (not working), I received word from the VERY top that my OFFICIAL last day of work will be.........wait for it- 11/01/09!!!!

No, fortunately I'm NOT being layed off. After 25 years of swerving and deflecting, and basically being a menace to society, I will be retiring. My last day would actually be 01/01/10 (play that number!), but I get two months "terminal" leave where I will still be on the books (w/FULL pay), but will NOT, I repeat NOT, have to come to work!

Hopefully if it works out, they (the secret guberment) have offered me a part time position as a "civilian" doing what I'm currently doing, which is basically nothing, for less pay and hours, which is fine with me.

Of course this could all fall through and I could end up in the Sh!tter! Don't hate me. :-)

May Peace and Love Surround Them

2009-06-03T16:44:00.004-04:00

~VK~, a reader and friend of FLAST, informs that "Pea", (her dog and loyal, faithful, companion) is not doing very well. I implore you to PLEASE send prayers and healing-thoughtful wishes their way. Too many can never be enough!

THANKS so much guys.

*UPDATE 06/08/09*
Pea has been holding steady at an emergency 24 hour care facility. Hopefully today the surgeon and VK will have decided the best way to proceed.

- The Listening Post -

2009-06-03T10:52:00.002-04:00

"AT LAST"

It's a song that's been covered by both male and female artists. Celine Dion, Christina Aguilera, Beyonce, and many more. IMO no one did it the justice Etta James did. She recorded it in 1961. It was written by the song writing team of Gordon and Warren for the 1941 film musical, Sun Valley Serenade. How did I know all those amazing facts?, why I did very little research on the ol' Internet.

So without further ado...

At last my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song

At last the skies above are blue
And my heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you

I found a dream that I can speak to
A dream that I could call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known

You smiled and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
And you are mine at last

Ah, so sweet, romantic, and Corny. Just like me, but don't tell no'body. :-)

T.M.I. TUESDAY!

2009-06-02T12:08:00.002-04:00

Oh no- OH YES! It's EVERYONE'S favorite FLAST post, returning after a brief hiatus.

Ask a question, even a tough one, and the silly cartoon drummer guy will attempt to answer it in the most prompt manner possible. Remember, I claim no honesty, but I'll always try to be truthful, hilarious, witty, and deftly charming in my replies.

So hit it...

PLUS or MINUS

2009-06-01T22:59:00.002-04:00

I read in today's paper that, "due to the economy", most retail chains were discontinuing to carry larger or "plus sizes". I noticed this a while back while shoplifting in the men's section of my local Gap store. My first inkling that something was amiss, was my keen observation that the men's section had been down sized. When I inquired about that, I was told by (a male) employee that men as a whole, didn't purchase as much clothes as women did. I kinda scratched my head as I took a look out the window to see if there were any naked men walking around- I only saw one, and he had a bag over his head.

The next thing I noticed was they no longer carried XXL sizes. I'm a big dude at 6'2''- 230- and if an article of clothing (most likely a shirt) is gonna shrink a lot (like MOST Gap clothing), I'm gonna buy a XXL, because I WILL shrink it. I'm a man. When doing the wash (laughably) I'm able to shrink pre-shrunk, and I'm proud! I was told I could order larger sizes on-line. Dude, it's kinda hard to virtually try things on. I felt the store was sexist, and that I was being discriminated against! I told them they'd hear from my attorney, and I left.

In the real world (at least in the US) more often than not, people aren't slim. Will this refusal by stores to sell anything larger than a standard large size drive consumers away, making them furious, and eventually hurting business? Or will it motivate some people to make more of an effort to lose some weight and live healthier lives?

Me, I think I'm gonna have to stop at the Taylor in the morning.

WHY-WHY-WHY?!

2009-06-01T22:39:00.002-04:00

Please indulge me in a bit of a rant, will you? My mother taught me to say please and thank you. She also taught me to be thoughtful in little ways, like holding doors open for people and crap like that.

So why, WHY, do people feel the need to reach out to hold the door when I'M ALREADY HOLDING IT OPEN FOR THEM?! Is it a bad habit? Do they not trust strangers? Have they suffered post traumatic door syndrome? It makes me not wanna be nice anymore- I live in Jersey for crap sake! I suppose I'll keep doin' it 'cause it's the right thing to do. I'll do it for old people and the occasional woman if she's attractive, but I'm not gonna hold it open for the kids. They need a hard lesson and tough love, and by cracky I'll school 'em!

My mom also taught me to mind my P's an Q's- what does that mean anyway? posterity and quantum physics? Periods and quotations? Who knows- who cares?! Then again she said, if I had nothing good to say, then don't say anything at all, to which I'd reply, "but then I'd never talk", and she'd say, "that's the idea."

'Cause if mama ain't happy, ain't noooobody happy!

Miserable Mondayz :-(

2009-06-01T22:21:00.002-04:00

Thought I'd try out another lame (yet surprisingly creative) NEW feature to bring joy and excitement beyond belief to FLAST.

I H-A-T-E Mondays! Especially Monday mornings. Today was a particularly crappy Monday for lots of silly insignificant reasons I won't bore you with. So while desperate for a post, a broken light bulb went off in (or was it on) my head. How 'bout spinning miserable into marvelous? How 'bout lookin' at a frown upside down?

Can you come up with one thing good that happened to you today? It can be anything. Sweet, funny, heartfelt, even poignant. Just p-l-e-a-s-e give me something. Hey I'm one of the worlds biggest pessimists- although I prefer gritty realist- and if I can quietly utter something positive, well ding-dong-dang it all, so can you.

OK, I'll start.

I was the only one who woke up at the cemetery where I live. How's that? Please indulge me and leave a comment, or two, or three.

I Guess Blondes Do Have MORE Fun After All...

2009-05-30T16:00:00.002-04:00

-This one's for vk, wherever she may dwell-

Blondes are said to turn heads and brighten most occasions- at least they think so in RIGA Latvia!

Using the slogan, "Make the World a Brighter Place," 2,000 blondes (possibly including VK- depending on her frequent flyer mileage) will be parading through the Latvian capital. "People need positive emotions, and I hope this event will cheer them up," said organizer Marika Gederte of the Latvian Blondes Association (are your dues paid up VK?). The Association is hoping this rally will fight off the current economic gloom.

No discrimination is involved, the group insists; Non-blondes are allowed to march- albeit behind the blondes.

I know it would certainly cheer me up! I don't even really care who leads or follows. I'm BEHIND them all the same. ;^)

We Have a winner in Winner!

2009-05-29T12:15:00.003-04:00

Some guy or gal is about to become $232 million dollars richer! There was only one winning ticket for Wednesday nights Powerball jackpot. The lucky ticket was sold in the farming and ranching town (Pop. 2,800) of Winner SD.

The winner who has not yet come forward to make his/her claim, has 180 days in which to do so. The jackpot is the ninth-largest Powerball ever won, and the biggest ever paid out in South Dakota.

Hmmm, I have a third cousin, Uncle Virgil, on my great-grandmothers side, who lives somewhere in the area...

She Said YES!

2009-05-29T11:56:00.002-04:00

IT'S VERONICA!

Not too long ago I posted that Archie was FINALLY going to pop the question, ready to settle down in comicdom. The cover to issue #600 of Archie shows him on bended knee (aw, how traditional) about to place the ring on Veronica's finger. Archie receives his answer (a resounding YES!) via Veronica's word balloon. Seen in the background through the window of the jewelry store is a crying Betty, as well as a worried Jughead.

The proposal seems to end the longest running love triangle - 67 years - in comic book history. The six-issue story line involves Archie getting a glimpse five years in the future, as he takes a walk up "memory lane".

I hope this isn't gonna be one of those predictable - it was all a dream - things. That would suck, as well as be very unimaginative. I guess we'll find out. Perhaps Jughead will go to law school and become a divorce attorney.

They say blondes have more fun, but apparently Archie doesn't agree.

Been Illin'!

2009-05-29T11:01:00.002-04:00

I haven't posted much as I've been sick as a Wolfe these past few days. Hey come on, wipe those tears away- I'm feelin' better.

To make it up to you, I plan to bombard you with several posts to keep you on your toes! I tend to be a bit of a binge blogger anyway. I am seeking help & preparing to be on TV, as I was recently filmed for that Intervention show.

Flyin' South...

2009-05-25T17:43:00.003-04:00

My BESTEST friend Jay extended an invite to spend the holiday weekend down South (Jersey that is) to stay at his villa at the lovely resort of LBI, or Long Beach Island for you out of towners. As I type this post, I'm on the nude beach (fully clothed!) surrounded by beautiful ladies and a lone goat. The weather is beautiful and the sea air makes me sleepy. Sadly my body is drenched in SPF 5000, as well as 7 layers of clothing as several years ago a dermatologist friend put the fear of the demon sun in me. I'm on my 15th Margarita, and let me tell ya, this goat is lookin' better and better.

As you celebrate Memorial Day please take a moment to use your heart to thank all the men and women of the armed forces (past & present) who have made the ultimate sacrifice so we as Americans can enjoy our freedoms. I'm not a fan of politics, nor of war. I understand it happens, and there's sadly not much we as American citizens can do to change it. Of the current "war", my confusion and anger are great. I'm NOT even sure what we're fighting for. I suspect the guberment may be in the same predicament, although rationalizing away in order to continue.

I DO NOT support the "war" , however I DO support the troops. Let's pray and hope that they return home quickly and safely! Even one death, and there's been thousands, is one death TOO MANY!

< THINKABLE THOUGHTS >

2009-05-22T16:35:00.002-04:00

"It is often said that men are ruled by their imaginations; but it would be truer to say they are governed by the weakness of their imaginations."

-Walter Bagehot
English editor & economist
(1826-1877)

~FACTUAL FRIDAY~

2009-05-22T16:32:00.004-04:00

Today is the 142nd day of 2009. There are 223 days left in the year.

*ON THIS DATE*
- 1803 The 1st public library in the US opens in Connecticut
- 1906 The Wright brothers patent the aeroplane
- 1933 The 1st reported sighting of the Loch Ness Monster
- 1965 The Beatles "Ticket To Ride" charts #1 in the US
- 1973 President Nixon confesses his role in the Watergate cover-up
- 1986 Cher calls David Letterman an asshole on National TV (NBC)
- 1992 After almost 30 years, Johnny Carson hosts his final appearance of the Tonight Show

*BIRTHS*
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (writer)
- Harvey Milk (activist-politician)
- Morrissey (musician)
- Naomi Campbell (nasty bitch-model)

*DEATHS*
- Constantine The Great (Roman emperor)
- Rocky Graziano (Boxer)
- C. Day Lewis (Poet)
- Victor Hugo (writer)

* Unfortunate Cookie Friday *

2009-05-22T11:19:00.002-04:00

Have you finished your take-out? It's time to finish up with an unhappy ending. Here is yet ANOTHER new exciting feature I'd like to perpetrate upon you, the unsuspecting public. If history repeats itself (as it often does here at FLAST) this will end up in the black hole of posts.

Before cracking open the cookie, let's start off with a brief history of the fortune cookies humble beginnings. There is much controversy and debate as to to where, how, and who invented our favorite edible entertainment.

One history claims the cookie was invented in 1918 by David Jung, a Chinese immigrant living in LA. He was the founder of the Hong Kong Noodle Company. It's said he was motivated to create the cookie by the poor he saw wandering near his shop. He passed out free cookies which contained a strip of paper inside with an inspiring Bible scripture written on it.

Yet another history claims the fortune cookie was invented by a Japanese immigrant named Makoto Nagiwara, who resided in San Fransisco. He was a gardener who designed the famous Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park. He was said to be fired by a anti-Japanese mayor, but later rehired by a new mayor. Grateful to those who supported him during his time of hardship, Hagiwara created the cookie in 1914 which included a thank you note inside it. He passed them out at the Tea Garden who began serving them regularly to customers. In 1915 they were displayed at the San Fransisco's World Fair.

Chinese-Japanese, does it really matter? They're fun, and sometimes even yummy when they're not stale as is often the case. I've even had them dipped in chocolate, YUM!

OK, you go first. What does it say?

* "He who laughs last is laughing at you!" *
- Confucius & confused

Quite often people will add "in bed" to the end of the fortune. Sometimes funny- sometimes not.
- Definitely confused!

Tickling the Ivories

2009-05-22T11:06:00.002-04:00

My band (Playback), FINALLY had a rehearsal last night after 3 weeks of NOTHING. We also auditioned a keyboardist/vocalist in the hopes of improving and filling out our sound, as well as being able to cover MORE tunes. He was OK. He certainly had some talent, if not a quirky, unfunny sense of humor- I understand most folk are unable (or unwilling) to meet or exceed mine. Sadly, he upped the nerdy-geek factor so he fit in that way.

I swear, if you dressed him up in a trench coat, with a blond wig and a hat, the dude would be the spittin' image of Harpo Marx. That wigged (pun intended) me out a bit.

-The Listening Post-

2009-05-21T15:17:00.003-04:00

The title of this post is a new/old feature where I will post lyrics to a song, or songs, that I have heard recently, or describe the way I'm feeling. It doesn't matter if they're old or new, but they mean something to me and hopefully to you too. Yes I could post a link to a video or audio thingie, but I'm old school & therefore shall not. I hope I have your understanding.

Today I will be posting two songs that sadly coincide with the way I've been feeling lately. Sing along, hum along, or simply follow the bouncing ball.

*DESPERADO*

Desperado why don't you come to your senses
You've been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Now it seem to me some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger they're drivin' you home
And freedom (oh freedom) that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walkin' through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're loosin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feelin' goes away

Desperado why don't you come to your senses
Come down from your fences open the gate
It may be rainin' but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you (let somebody love you)
You better let somebody love you before it's too late.

-Don Henley/The Eagles

*AGAINST THE WIND*

It seems like yesterday
but it was long ago
Janie was lovely she was the queen of my nights
There in the darkness with the radio playin' low
And the secrets that we shared
The mountains that we moved
Caught like a wildfire out of control
'Til there was nothing left to burn
And nothing left to prove

And I remember what she said to me
How she swore that it would never end
I remember how she held me oh so tight
Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then

Against the wind
We were running against the wind
We were young and strong
We were running against the wind

And the years rolled slowly past
And I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home
And I guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worried about paying or even how much I owed

Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searching
Searching for shelter again and again

Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter
Against the wind

Well those drifter days are past me now
I've got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in
What to leave out

Against the wind
I'm still running against the wind
I'm older now but still running against the wind
Well I'm older now and still running against the wind

- Bob Seger

Quiet as a Mouse :-(

2009-05-21T12:59:00.001-04:00

Sadly, Wayne Allwine, 62, the voice of Walt Disney's Mickey Mouse has died. He had been the voice actor of Mickey since 1977, and only the third to voice him since Mickeys first appearance in the Disney cartoon short, "Steamboat Willie", released in 1928.

Poor, poor, Minnie. In lieu of flowers please send cheese.

WEIRD but is it TRUE?!

2009-05-20T17:28:00.002-04:00

Another one for "Zetz".

A man running for mayor of a town in Croatia promised that if elected, he would bring rampant corruption and rob the town at every turn. His campaign slogan was, "all for me, nothing for you."
And he won!

Locals said they were impressed by Josko Risa's honesty, which they likened to a breath of fresh air. "Now we know what we are letting ourselves in for," said one resident.

FINALLY, an honest politician!

Comical Commitment!

2009-05-20T15:30:00.002-04:00

Seems Americas oldest teenager will be getting married this year. After six decades of indecisiveness the popular comic book character Archie (Andrews), will become engaged and married.

But whose the lucky girl? The seductive brunette vixen Veronica (Lodge), or Betty (Cooper), the sweet girl next door. Could it be Archie's held a secret for all these years and plans to marry Jughead? OH MY! :-o

The perpetual teenager with the orange hair will pop the question, FINALLY becoming an honest man. The drama is set to unfold in issue No. 600, which is due to hit comic and book stores in August.

Archie will make the BIG decision during a six issue storyline, which features a glimpse of Archie and his pals from Riverdale five years in the future. Betty or Veronica is the biggest secret of the year.

The Archie publication offices are apparently in lock down as wagers are made around the world that has sent the Nasdaq and the Dow Jones skyrocketing. Personally, I think Archie's always had a thing for Hotdog, but that's just me.

Next thing ya know Batman'll be dumping Robin for the Joker!

T.M.I. Tuesday...The End?!

2009-05-19T16:09:00.002-04:00

Is it Tuesday again already?! My how time flies when you're having absolutely NO fun. Well guy's 'n gals, despite knowing better, I'm gonna try this again. Why you ask? Well, I don't have an answer for you. Some readers weren't very happy with my answer(s) to their questions(s) from last week. I hope that won't discourage them, or you, from trying again.

For those of you new to the game, feel free to ask me a question and I will eventually answer it in my most witty and unappreciated fashion. It can be about anything, however management refuses to answer any question that may get me tossed off Blogger.

OK, here we go. Don your helmets and goggles and prepare for blastoff.

5-4-3-2-1!

The Search For Virtual Wisdom

2009-05-19T15:27:00.002-04:00

Speaking at the University of Pennsylvania's commencement, Google chairman and CEO Eric Schmidt told about 6,000 graduates that they need to find out what is most important to them- by living analog for a while.

He told the students, "turn off your computers. You're actually going to have turn off your phone and discover all that is human around us." Schmidt added, "nothing beats holding the hand of your grandchild as he walks his first steps."

Schmidt urged the college graduates to step away from the virtual world and enter the real one to make human connections.

Well said. I applaud you sir. Hopefully the rest of the world will take heed as well. Wait a minute, I'm getting a call & I have to finish and send out this email. I promise I'll get right back to you.

What Would Abby Do?!

2009-05-18T12:17:00.003-04:00

Sorry kids, couldn't resist this one.

Dear Abby: What is the proper thing to do when one sits on a squeaky seat and the seat makes a noise like someone has passed gas? Your advice?
-It wasn't me

Dear Wasn't Me: In formal situations, everyone should pretend it never happened and the conversation should proceed as it normally would. However, in casual company it is acceptable to say, "that was the seat, not the seat that is on it."

This was a REAL letter in today's newspaper. Here's MY take on it-

Dear Wasn't Me: Yes it was! Let's call a spade a spade, shall we. Sure it's convenient to blame it on a chair, the dog, or grandma, but just man-up (or woman-up, per your gender) and admit to it. It may probably break up the monotony and produce a smile or two. Bare in mind it could also have quite the opposite effect. Besides, you're gonna have to own it sooner or later as the nose ALWAYS knows.

Bonus Advice- I always use the whomever smelt it, dealt it defense. You can't argue with an airtight (pun intended) defense!

Factual Friday

2009-05-15T08:34:00.001-04:00

Today is the 135th day of 2009. There are 230 days remaining in the year.

On this date in 1963, Astronaut L. Gordon Cooper blasted off aboard Faith 7 on the final mission of the Project Mercury space program.

Hmmm. Not very interesting is it? That's the best I could come up with. I may have to name this post Factual Failure Friday. Make sure to check back next Friday to probably not find anything like this EVER again! Hey I'm tryin' here.

Wacky Wednesdayz!

2009-05-13T15:29:00.002-04:00

Defying all odds and low ratings, the 45th edition of WW'z is back as we celebrate and glorify "hump-day" (don't even think about it vk!). Do you have a little anecdote or story to tell? Something funny, interesting, silly, serious, scary, strange &/or bizarre. Then dive in head first boys and girls, into the shallow comment (not gene) pool and share it with the world, or at least me.

I'm lonely.

T.M.I. Tuesday!

2009-05-12T14:03:00.003-04:00

Ladies and germs, once again it's time for my tri-annual (I'll tri almost anything-once!) TMI Tuesday! I can't believe it's been a week already?! Let me tell you, it was such a smash hit that we here at "FLAST" received thousands of emails, texts, post cards, and smoke signals!

I felt is was only fair to bring it back so here we go again. You can ask me one question and I'll try to answer it as honestly as possible- please read the fine print at the end of the contract. It can be personal, invasive, offensive, it can even be really silly, but just ask OK? P-L-E-A-S-E.

Hello? Anyone? Bueller?! *crickets-wind-tumbleweeds rollin' by*

My NETFLIX Nights

2009-05-12T12:39:00.003-04:00

Very rarely does a film come along that captures your heart and imagination. It demands attention and challenges your mind. This is NOT one of them!

Last night I watched "Sex Drive" (clever title-not!). This film, directed & written by Sean Anders, with John Morris, is based on the book, "All The Way", by Andy Behrens. Based on an ACTUAL book?!-Whatever. It stars some actors I've never heard of, along with the always handsome James Marsden (X-Men, The Notebook) and the usually funny Seth Green (Austin Powers- Robot Chicken) as an Amish dude.

I don't want to give away the plot, although it's pretty much one of the thousands of road trip-virginity losing type that you've seen MANY times before. It does have some heart and laughs however, with small doses of originality sprinkled throughout.

For the most part I found the film to be immature, gross, offensive, vulgar, childish, soul sucking, as well as mind numbing! I found myself swallowing any dignity I might possess- real or imagined. I certainly felt like I was slumming it a bit..............I guess I kinda liked it! ;^)~

Start your engines- baby you can drive my car!

XXXDirty GirlsXXX?!

2009-05-12T11:26:00.002-04:00

It's Victoria's dirty little secret.

Most everyone is aware that men can be gross, icky, and be utterly infested with cooties, however a new survey shows women can harbor many similar traits! Through a recent survey of 1,000 women, conducted by Glamour Magazine and analyzed by the authors of "Let's Play Doctor", it was found that 75 percent of them have urinated in the shower.

It was also found they wear dirty clothes, don't brush their teeth at night and don't shower every day. The authors added, "it isn't really gross to pee in the shower, unless you have an infection, as urine is sterile and non-toxic."

The survey determined that 85 percent of women wear dirty clothes. That apparently isn't so bad if you draw the line at underwear- although 52 percent of those polled admitted that they have worn it dirty. See that, men aren't the only ones who do the "underwear flip"!

A third of the women polled said they don't shower everyday, which doesn't pose a health risk, "but you may keep men at a distance & may clear a row or two at the multiplex," the authors said.

When I was a young lad (too young to be sexist, or at least understand it) I was under the impression that most, if not all girls, were very clean and organized. Sadly over the years that myth has been shattered on numerous occasions, but then there's the whole hypocritical glass house thing.

Hey, I ain't takin' sides here. Don't shoot the messenger! I'm just providin' the soap and towels is all!

MOTHER or MUTHA?!

2009-05-10T11:25:00.002-04:00

No matter what you be, I'd like to wish all of you who are mothers, thinking of becoming one, or those of you in the process, a VERY Happy Mothers Day!

Tell your mother (or even yourself ) that you LOVE her, even if you told her 5 minutes ago! Make sure to hug her tight as well, for one sad day your arms will reach out to only air. If you have, or have had, a bad relationship with your mum, P-L-E-A-S-E think about calling, or if easier write (the old fashioned way!), text, or em her. Try to work at FORGIVENESS- if not for her, surely for YOU!

Send her a card &/or flowers. Make her breakfast in bed, but be sure to burn the toast and over-cook the eggs 'cause that's what kids do! Better yet, do absolutely NOTHING, 'cause that's what kids do too, and some adults I guess. Most of all remind her how Lucky she is to have you as a son or daughter, and then when she's not looking steal 20 bucks outta her purse!

This post is in honor of SALLY, my mother, whom I miss terribly everyday, and wish I could hug and kiss, and tell her how much I love her. One day I hope to.

Wait for me mom.

The Day The Music Died...

2009-05-08T09:01:00.006-04:00

On February 3rd, 1959, a small chartered plane headed for Fargo, ND, from Clear Lake, IA, crashed in a field. All 4 aboard were killed. It was a tremendous & tragic loss to family, fans, & the music world at large. The victims included a pilot, as well as three well-known musicians. Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper (JP Richardson), & Richie Valens.

On a side note, about 7 years ago I was invited (by Pat DiNizio of the Smithereens) to attend The Buddy Holly Birthday Bash held in NYC at the Roseland. It was hosted by Paul McCartney, who had previously held the event in England before eventually bringing it stateside. It was a VERY cool star-studded event where I got to meet, or at least ogle some rock & roll greats. I was wearing one of those laminated VIP passes that hang from a lanyard, & even though a nobody, they must have assumed I was a somebody as I was wearing one & mingling. I wasn't about to ruin the charade at this once-in-a-lifetime event!

During the evening a small group of people came over to where Pat and me were standing, and I was introduced (albeit briefly) to Maria Elena, the widow of Buddy Holly! She was kind and gracious, and I told her it was an honor to meet her, to which she replied, the pleasure was hers-WOW! I'll NEVER forget that night!

As per USUAL, I've gone off on yet another of my WORDY tangents without even getting to the point of the actual post.

In 1971 Don McLean released an album that contained a song that would scale the charts to #1 in 1972. And that song was AMERICAN PIE. One of my favorite songs of all-time. An almost immediate classic I NEVER tire of, which holds up pretty damn well even in 2009!

The song, although mainly written about that terrible day in the winter of '59, is about so MANY other things of the times, woven throughout the amazing lyrics. The song clocks in (unedited) at a whopping 8 minutes, 33 seconds! When I was young I had bought it when the song was released on a 45rpm, (does anyone remember them?) & the song was so long it took up BOTH the a-side & the b-side!

So ladies & gentleman, & the ghosts of Christmas past, without further ado or BS, I bring you one of rock and rolls historical masterpieces!

AMERICAN PIE

A long long time ago
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while

But February made me shiver
With every paper I'd deliver
Bad news on the door step
I couldn't take one more step

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died

*CHORUS*
So bye-bye miss American pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

Did you write the book of love
And do you have faith in God above
If the bible tells you so
Do you believe in rock and roll
Can music save your mortal soul
And can you teach me how to dance real slow

Well I know that your in love with him
'Cause I saw you dancin' in the gym
You both kicked off your shows
Man I dig those rhythm and blues

I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pick up truck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died

I started singin'
*REPEAT CHORUS*

Now for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin' stone
But that's not how it used to be
When the jester sang for the king and queen
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
And a voice that came from you and me

Oh and as the king was looking down
The jester stole his thorny crown
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned
And while Lennon read a book on Marx
The quartet practiced in the park
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died

We were singin'
*Repeat Chorus*

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
The birds (Byrds) flew off with a fallout shelter
Eight miles high and falling fast
It landed foul on the grass
The players tried for a forward pass
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune
We all got up to dance
Oh but we never got the chance
'Cause the players tried to take the field
The marching band refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died

We started singin'
*REPEAT CHORUS*

Oh and then we were all in one place
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again
So come on Jack be nimble Jack be quick
Jack flash sat on a candle stick
'Cause fire is the devils only friend

Oh and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in hell
Could break that Satan's spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singin'
*REPEAT CHORUS*

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn't play

And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three men I admire most
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the cost
The day the music died

And they were singin'
Bye-bye miss American pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whisky and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

They were singin'
Bye-bye miss American pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die

-Don McLean

Thoughts & Prayers

2009-05-07T18:56:00.004-04:00

One of my newest readers & friend to FLAST, (~vk~) could use some support. Actually more to the point, her much loved dog (Sweet Pea) is VERY ill. PLEASE keep both of them in your thoughts & prayers. THANK YOU very much.

*UPDATE in comments 5-8-09*

My readers ROCK!- THANKS also to those of you who don't comment, but read my posts!

Wacky Wednesdayz!

2009-05-06T08:58:00.003-04:00

Since I seem to be on a roll (kaiser or sesame?!), I'd like to try another, in what I hope to be a somewhat regular thang at FLAST. The comments graciously left (if at all) will hopefully be more fun than a barrel full of flying monkeys! Once again I ask my kind & gentle readers to play along to up the excitement factor of my blogity-blog!

Here's how we play-
In ye old comment area, write about the most absurd, strange, weird, funny, etc., thing/situation that has happened to you in the past week or so. This could be good...or not. Correct spelling & grammar unimportant- English kinda is.

So hold on tight, this could be a bumpy ride!

*ADDENDUM 5-7-09*
I must admit I'm a bit disappointed in the lack of participation here peeps!
:-(

In-Cinc!

2009-05-05T15:57:00.003-04:00

As an honorary representative of the I.N.S., I'd like to wish all my Mexican friends, both here legally & illegally, a most Happy Cinco de Mayo. I hope you all enjoy the celebration.

I must admit however I don't really get it. Why do folks get so excited about something you add to sandwiches? Hey whatever sinks your boat. I'll take a bologna on whole wheat bread! Heavy on the Cinco de Mayo please!

T.M.I. Tuesday!

2009-05-05T08:47:00.004-04:00

Several of my fellow bloggers post these, so I'm going to liberate the idea & try it here at FLAST. Stealing sounds so petty, doesn't it? I find these posts to be quite interesting & ofttimes fun.

I hesitated doing this as I'm not sure it's worth it based on my blog traffic. Please report all accidents to the authorities & your insurance carrier. Also keep in mind your mileage may vary.

OK, so here's how I'm hopping (beyond hope) it's gonna work- No matter what the post topic for that Tuesday, ANY interested reader may leave a question (or 2) in the comment area directed at yours truly. Kindly give me some time to truthfully answer, or at least come up with some amazingly implausible answer that will make your head spin! Please remind me that it's a T.M.I.T. question as I usually can't remember what the hellabaloo day it is! ;^)

Feel free to ask (almost) anything, & I being the witty forthright kinda guy, will attempt to answer it to the best of my abilities. It can be a personal question, a fun question, a quizzical question-whatever! If there is enough interest (at least 1 bored reader) I will continue this (ASSumed) exciting NEW feature at FLAST. If not, it'll probably go the way of the Flying Monkey Butt Flu!

So get out your #2 pencils (make sure they have erasers) & play along. P-L-E-A-S-E! I'm really trying to keep this blog interesting folks, but I need your kind assistance. My sponsors are dropping off like flies, & I really need the cash to pay off my 1/3 second cousins bail bondsman!

*ADDENDUM*
OK, new rules. Only one question per person, per Tuesday- THANKS! Have you read my answers? They're even longer than my posts which tend to be quite wordy & long! For the MOST part I think that went well & I enjoyed it VERY much, although I was hoping more folks would chime in. Can you guys come back with new questions under assumed sketchy pseudonyms?

Blue in Jersey

2009-05-04T18:41:00.002-04:00

Just got home a bit ago. It's cold, rainy , & dreary out.

I think it'll be a good night to light some candles & play some cool, slow, sad jazz. I may have to throw on some Ella, Lady Day, King Cole, & perhaps a bit of smooth cooke. That cats got soul in spades & of course Cole's the velvet crooner. I'd better toss on some Peyroux as well to round out the mix.

Now where's that fire place, I know I left it around here somewhere.

All's Swine & Dandy!

2009-05-04T16:01:00.002-04:00

What the...

Now the nation's top public-health official is saying there are positive signs that the swine-flu is NO MORE severe than garden-variety influenza?! So now it's simply the good old standard flu that's going to kill us all?!

For craps sake make up your minds already! Now I have to find something else to obsess & worry about. And just so you know, that kicked horse is NOT dead, & healing up well at the veterinarians.

Thinkable Thoughts

2009-05-04T11:51:00.002-04:00

"When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt."

- Henry J. Kaiser, American industrialist
(1882-1967)

Oh man, I'd better get back to work!

WEIRD but is it TRUE?!

2009-05-01T15:55:00.002-04:00

Couldn't resist this one! Read it & you'll know why.

"We need someone to be the new Wolfman," said a rep for Clark's Trading Post, a longtime roadside sideshow attraction in Lincoln, N H.

The old Wolfie is retiring & cleaning up his act after 15 (actually 25) years. The job description says applicants must grow a beard & eschew soap, & work up to 48 hours a week at 12/hr.

I wonder if they'll ever get someone else to fill my fur?

Thinkable Thoughts

2009-05-01T15:02:00.002-04:00

"He who is swift to believe is swift to forget."

- Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel,
Polish-born scholar (1907-72)

Oink-Oink...Here Piggy-Piggy!

2009-05-01T14:57:00.002-04:00

You're probably thinking this is gonna be yet ANOTHER laborious & monotonous Swine-Flu related post. Nope! It's just the sound my co-workers make around here at the ol' pig pen!

*Sniff-sniff. Smell that? I smell bacon!*

HORRORscope!

2009-05-01T10:58:00.002-04:00

*This post should appeal to Zetz- a faithful blog reader*

A 47-year-old Southern California woman, Deborah Perez, has come forward claiming she is the daughter of the never apprehended Zodiac Killer who terrorized The San Fransisco Bay area 40 years ago.

She states, she even helped her adoptive father, Guy Ward Hendrickson, carry out several of the gruesome slayings. Perez told cops she was 7-years-old when she saw her (since deceased) father kill strangers.

"He told me he was sick, and all I wanted to do was help my dad." She added, "He kept telling me he was sick and had killed many, many people. I had no idea." Zodiac, blamed for at least five deaths, was never caught. Detectives plan to follow up on these new allegations.

Perez said she gave cops horn-rimmed glasses that belonged to the last victim, San Fransisco cabby Paul Lee Stine, & letters she wrote on her fathers behalf, some to a newspaper.

As a "Johnny Lawman" I find this VERY fascinating. I can't wait to see how this all plays out. I hope she's not some loopy kook, & that this turns out to be the real deal. I'm always interested in true-life mysteries, (like my love-life) especially when they're solved so many years later, much like the List murders that occurred in my town, when the killer, John List was apprehended about 17-years later due to a tip on the TV show, Americas Most Wanted. Coolness.

Mmmmmmm-Ahhhhhh...

2009-05-01T08:46:00.002-04:00

This is pointless self indulgent post about a self-indulgent topic that no one will care about but me, but being this is MY blog (& I'm really bored), I will henceforth type the words that most likely will only be glimpsed by thine own eyes.

-William Shakespeare
(most likely never-ever said this)

I've been receiving massages at my abode for many, many years now. I insist (I sound like a snob, don't I?) on the masseuse coming to my residence- Not because of laziness (well, perhaps a smidgen) mind you, but because I prefer my body raptures in the evening as close to bedtime as possible. Also for the fact that I find it difficult to do anything afterwards as I feel somewhat non-productive, but MORE importantly, I do not wish to revoke my state of relaxation. I'm not exactly sure where that state is located, but if I had to guess, it's just N/W of Alaska.

Through the years I've hired 'em & fired 'em. Mostly because of frequent cancellations on THEIR part (of course). I'm always out for the the best bargain I can find whether it's for myself or someone else. Hey, I'm not cheap, just a bit thrifty. We live in difficult economic times for craps sake, & I like to hoard my millions- I sleep on a very BIG mattress! ;-)

Getting back to the point (Is there one?), my current girl- no, I'm not homophobic (I'd like to think I'm not- I prefer a woman's touch, what can I say?) has been slowly increasing her costs. This measure forced my hand & I began to seek other options, & one day there it was. Anka staring back at me from a full color ad in one of those crappy newspapers that gets dumped on your driveway- that you don't want, but it makes a great door stop after it's been seasoned & weathered a bit.

I called the number & spoke with a woman with a barely detectable European accent- with a name like Anka it makes sense. We spoke briefly on the phone & she said she'd like to speak to my current massage therapist as a reference. DILEMMA!- I'm somewhat friendly (DON'T read into that!) with my current masseuse & we hang out (albeit rarely) once in a while. If Anka called her she'd most likely be offended & I'd NEVER want that. She's sweet, & pretty good at what she does.

Since I work in a somewhat import authoritative capacity (riiiiight) I asked her if she'd be willing to stop by my humble (riiiiight) place of employment to which she agreed. She arrived & we spoke about my needs & what I was looking for in a massage (DON'T read into that EITHER!). It was important that she get a reference (or 2 or 3) from me or at least meet with me as she had been freaked out by that "Craig's list murder" thing- understandable.
We set up an appointment & she left.

She arrived on the appointed date, promptly on time I might add, with her husband in tow. Hmmmm. Was he her body guard? Was he gonna stay & watch this process unfold?- I felt that would be kinda creepy & hinder my relaxation. Basically I think he came along for peace of mind (for both of them), but he left shortly thereafter. Apparently she was having car trouble so she needed a ride.

We got down to brass tacks or the nitty-gritty if you will-or won't, & let me tell you, it was hands down one of the BEST massages (& at a fair price) his Majesty (that would be ME) has ever received! Once completed she was hired on the spot.

I'd like to set the record STRAIGHT- I insist ALL my massages finish up with an unhappy ending- NO funny stuff see?! It's all legit. All I need is to be arrested in some FBI sting! I very much look forward to the next one. :-)

Addendum- Let me please just add as usual this was supposed to be a brief post about finding a new masseuse, indulging & enjoying , & look what happened (again!). If you've read this far you get a shiny gold star & a thank you from yours truly! Who says I never reward my readership.

And Then He Wasn't...

2009-04-30T17:07:00.002-04:00

Recently a 36-year-old man was killed in town. He was a pedestrian standing on the sidewalk, minding his own business, when a car operated by a 65-year-old female jumped the curb, striking him. The impact sent him across the intersection as the woman's car collided with another vehicle which was stopped. The accident is still under investigation, & it's unknown why it occurred. A toxicology report is currently pending.

The deceased was a well liked resident of town. I happen to know his former roommate well. The few times I've seen the roommate, he's been wandering around with a blank look on his face. I saw him at the grocery store where I offered my sincere condolences. He was standing there staring at the shelves of food. From what I know of him, & what I've seen, it's quite obvious they were more than roommates. I feel sad for him. I know the feelings of loss much better than I'd like to.

Sadly in my career, I've witnessed my fair share of these incidents. I recall a similar accident about 7 years ago. It was just a little over a week before Christmas, & an older female employee of a local department store had just finished work & was crossing the roadway, carrying presents, when she was struck & killed by a male driver in his 20's who was found with a cds (controlled dangerous substance) & paraphernalia in his car.

In a terribly tragic fate of irony, a week later, on the same roadway about a mile opposite of where the other woman was struck & killed, another woman crossing the road at almost the same time was struck by a car & killed as well.

What's the point of this post? I'm not sure. It's certainly NOT meant to depress you- that is far from my intent. Considering the most recent tragedy got me thinking about the other two. All occurring on the same stretch of road. You just never know do you.

One day you or a loved one are here, & then you're not.
Tell someone you care about you love them.

"Vincent"

2009-04-30T15:58:00.002-04:00

I'd like to dedicate the following lyrics to Mr. Barner, who in 9th grade, at Roosevelt Jr. High School, introduced me to this song in his Mass Media class. He played the song under two overlapping slide shows which displayed the broken-hearted artists master works. I sat there crying silently & I still do EVERY time I hear it.

Starry starry night
Paint your palette blue & grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul

Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees & the daffodils
Catch the breeze and winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land

And now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincents eyes of China blue

Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand

And now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They did not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you

Starry starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world & can't forget
Like the stranger that you've met

The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed & broken on the virgin snow

And now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free

They would not listen
they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will

-Don McLean

The Whos Down in Whoville...

2009-04-30T15:47:00.004-04:00

To continue kicking the "FMB-CDT-RHI-BF-FLU"* dead horse, I bring you further terribly terrifying updates to curdle your cream!

The Geneva-based World Health Organization sounded it's own ominous alarm, raising it's (un)alert level to 1 notch below a FULL-FLEDGED global pandemic. Said "WHO" director-general Margaret Chan: "It's really all of humanity that is under threat during a pandemic."

"Who" said that?!......Exactly.

PLEASE NOTE-
No horses were harmed in any way for or during this blog post!

*Please refer a few posts down so you know what the heck I'm talking about!

There is an actual hotline number available to those of you overly concerned like your humble blogger. 1-866-321-9571

Yes it's real! No it's not what you think it might be! ;^)

Well Played Sir!

2009-04-29T15:41:00.003-04:00

Most folks who have nothing better to do, & find themselves perusing FLAST somewhat regularly, know that I LOVE to stalk the halls, alleyways, highways, & byways where I work, searching for unsuspecting victims to jump out at, thusly scarin' the beejeebers outa them. Love it, L-O-V-E IT!

Well my loyal friends & part time enemies, today the tables have been gleefully turned against me! Be forewarned the following is not for the fragile nor faint of heart. I always seem to have the upper hand in scaring the heck out of my immediate ADHA laden supervisor. He's always so distracted that he doesn't think to look for me hiding in the ceiling tiles, making him easy prey.

As I stroll down the lonely gloomy poorly lit hallways of work, I'm almost always constantly aware of a potential ambush which never seems to come, or is quickly thwarted by my slick offensive & defensive sweet ninja skills! Today was another matter entirely. I had made it safely through the labyrinth & into my office when out from behind some computer servers leaps my boss, foaming at the mouth & eyes rolled waaay back in his noggin! I'll admit to having been a bit startled, with a mild shake that lasted a few seconds. His face was bright red & he was filled with such glee as he skipped out of my office & into the hallway. He was soooo proud & taken with himself. OK, well played sir- I'll give ya that one, but paybacks can be a bitch & I'm one of the biggest.

I should probably go change my shorts now.

What's Cooking in the Kitchen?!

2009-04-29T12:26:00.004-04:00

I'm back to perpetuate the thrills & fears of the new Flying Monkey Butt-Cat Dog Tail-Rhinoceros-Bacon Fat Flu. As I obsessively obsess over this new found end-of-the-world calamity, I got to thinking, what about all our Mexican friends (legal or otherwise) that toil in our nations kitchens for mere pennies on the dollar?

Where I secretly reside, I'd say a good (or bad based on perspective) 97 1/2% of the kitchen workers are former Mexican diplomats who are pursuing "the American Dream" (or nightmare, again based on your particular perspective).

Yikes, I may actually lose some weight! I'd better ca$h in on this potentially new diet craze! I'll call it the "FMB-CDT-RHI-BF-Flu Super Duper Pooper Diet Guaranteed Weight Loss Solution Substitution!" Get my publisher on the phone! I'm gonna be rich beyond my wildest dreams for crap sake!

Oh, please pass the bacon- I'm hungry!

WEIRD but is it really TRUE?!

2009-04-28T17:05:00.002-04:00

File this under- I get the point!

A Serbian union official from Belgrade chopped off his finger & ate it in a protest over wages that in some cases have not been paid in years, said he did it to show how desperate he & other workers were.

"We, the workers have nothing to eat, we had to seek some alternative food & I gave them an example," Zoran Bulatovic said yesterday. "It hurt like hell."

Really Zoran?! Don't mess with the Zoran! Oh, please pass the finger sandwiches, I'm hungry! ;-0

"God Only Knows"

2009-04-28T16:50:00.002-04:00

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Well life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
God only knows What I'd be without you

- Brian Wilson (Beach Boys)

Paul McCartney thought this was one of the most beautiful love songs ever written- I'd have to agree.

The BB's have been around for quite a while. When do they finally become Beach Men?! Just wondering.

The Kiss of Death?!

2009-04-28T10:52:00.002-04:00

In my continuing series of mind-numbing posts on the well-oiled, hyped, media machine, pumping out fear about the Swine Flu at a feverish pace, we are now informed about the potential danger & subsequent contamination through kissing. They (who are they?) say even a friendly peck on the cheek should be avoided. Poo-poo I say!

I likes me my kisses! I needs me my kisses! They (I'm STILL not sure who they are) can kiss my lily white cracker @$$! :-)

AAAH-CHOO!

2009-04-28T09:16:00.002-04:00

What the Heckle & Jeckle?!

I come outside this morning to find a pile of yellow snow on my trusty Element. No, NOT that kind! I mean fresh, dusty, make my eyes red, sneeze & wheeze, pollen! Anybody got some tissues?! I prefer Puffs Plus. Sure it costs more, but I'm worth it!! Also, It's more comfortable on my delicate schnose!

Speaking of yellow snow- kids, don't EVER eat it! Have a snow cone instead! Trust me from childhood experience, it tastes better!

What Do You Mean Tag I'm It?!

2009-04-27T23:36:00.003-04:00

Ladies & gentleman, I've been called out! One of my new readers (~VK~) is lookin' for some trouble. Well let me tell you, she's come to the right place! Grrrrr. Wow! I've NEVER been tagged before. At least not as an adult & by a complete stranger to boot! I feel so worldly! Apparently I have to come up with eight things under each heading? That's an unusual number. Oh well, here goes nothin'. Prepare yourselves for what I'd like to call- My Crazy 8's!

8 THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO:

1) Moving to LA with VK
2) FINALLY finishing one of my books
3) FINALLY getting published
4) Beginning one of my short films or film shorts (as Stef refers to them)
5) Selling a pitch, story, or screenplay (film or TV show) to a major studio &/or HBO
6) Doing some more recording
7) Traveling more
8) Losing my virginity to the right person, people, groups, or organizations, (before some pig gives me a cold!).
*BONUS*
9) Retirement..............aaaaaah *swings slowly back in forth in a hammock*

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY

1) Woke up
2) made a fresh cuppa joe
3) went back to bed
4) read the funny pages- including my favs: "horrorscope", relationship advice, Dear Abbey, circulars, & clipping coupons of course- I can be a thrifty resourceful lad on occasion.
5) went back to bed
6) Showered- (B,B,&H)
7) Rocked outdoor spring festival!
8) Had a VERY nice, relaxing, casual dinner at one of my favorite joints with 2 (yes 2!) lovely ladies!

8 THINGS I WISH I COULD DO

1) See my mom (Sally) again
2) See Midnight (cat) again
3) Get a grip on this whole love/relationship thing
4) Make the world a better place- at least my world & the satellites hovering around it
5) Be MUCH MORE patient & tolerant (I'm gettin' there-I'm-a gettin' there!)
6) Make more time for & get closer to my family- especially my EVIL twin!
7) Become VK's pool boy
8) Find a hot pump in size 13! I keed-I keed!

*BONUS*
8 THINGS I ATE TODAY

1) 1 1/2 cups of coffee
2) Lot's of water
3) Multi-grain roll (so good) with some butter (so bad)
4) some S&P cashews w/dark chocolate covered prune bits- don't knock it 'till ya try it! It's yummy & it keeps me regular! ;^)
5) Protein drink
6) A HUGE glass of OJ w/Lot's of pulp
7) leftovers from last night- including absolutely yummy sweet potato crinkle cut fries w/Cinnamon & sugar lightly sprinkled on top.
8) A hearty bowl of NEW honey flavored (chemical) Kix- kid tested, mom approved! Can't be bad, right?!

Those are my 8's for now. I'm a little sleepy so I'm sure I left some good stuff off the list- I guess there's always part II!

When Pigs Fly!

2009-04-26T21:50:00.004-04:00

Aids, Avian Flu, Mad Cow Disease, Swine Flu, Pandemic, Epidemic!!!!
Is this the end?!

We've heard these terms on and off for over a century. It's in the papers- out of the papers. On the news-off the news. So what is it? I'd barely hear or read of any of this in the media lately, then suddenly over the last few days it's EVERYWHERE! Swine Flu all over Mexico- now it's in the US! I know how the media is so I'm trying not to freak out, but to be honest I'm a bit wigged out. Is it really that bad? Granted every so often a virus or good old fashion plague will come along, but come on, now of all times? We've got a new president, & my latest band has only played two gigs!

Yes, I'm joking a bit, but that's just my defence mechanism coming into play. It comes out when I'm scared &/or nervous. Being a Virgo & a cautious optimist I figured something was coming. I figured it would be something very simple, but very contagious. Something we are unprepared & unequipped for.

Hopefully this too shall pass. What about my blog?! I still haven't had my first last kiss yet, not to mention that whole silly virgin thing.

Born To Run

2009-04-26T12:54:00.003-04:00

In honor of today's gig, I dedicate this CLASSIC rocker to myself & the fellow Jersey rocker who wrote it- I forget his name. I think his name is Bruce something...

In the day we sweat it out in the streets of a runaway dream
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines
Sprung from cages on highway 9
Chrome wheeled fuel injected and steppin' out over the line
Baby this town rips the bones from your back
It's a death trap it's a suicide rap
We gotta get out while we're young
'Cause tramps like us baby we were born to run

Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend
I wanna guard your dreams and visions
Just wrap your legs 'round these velvet rims
And strap your hands 'cross my engines
Together we could break this trap
We'll run 'till we drop and baby we'll never go back
Will you walk with me out on the wire
'Cause baby I'm just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta know how it feels
I wanna know if love is wild girl I wanna know if love is real

Beyond the Palace hemi-powered drones scream down the boulevard
The girls comb their hair in rear view mirrors
And the boys try to look so hard
The amusement park rises bold and stark
Kids are huddled on the beach in the mist
I wanna die with you Wendy on the streets tonight in an everlasting kiss

The highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive

Everybody's out on the run tonight but there's no place left to hide

Together Wendy we'll live with the sadness

I'll love you with all the madness in my soul

Someday girl I don't know when we're gonna get to that place

Where we really wanna go and we'll walk in the sun

But 'till then tramps like us baby we were born to run

Thinkable Thoughts

2009-04-26T12:49:00.002-04:00

GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE

"The most unfortunate thing that happens to a person who fears failure is that he limits himself by becoming afraid to try anything new."

-Author Unknown (at least to me)

Set List

2009-04-24T19:18:00.002-04:00

Since a few of you are apparently unable to fly in (sarcasm), for Playbacks 1st big gig (more- sarcasm) I thought I'd at least post our two set lists. That way I'm able to confirm that you really didn't miss much! ;^)

SET #1

- Secret Agent Man (Rivers)

- Monkees Theme

- I'm A Believer (Monkees)

- Soul Deep (Box Tops)

- Who'll Stop The Rain (CCR)

- The Last Time (Stones)

- Little Sister (Elvis)

- Outside Looking In (original)

- I'll Feel A Whole Lot Better (Byrds/Petty)

- The Letter (Box Tops)

- I Fought The Law "& Wolf Won!" (Bobby Fuller Four?/Clash)

- I Saw Her Standing There (Beatles)

- Pretty Woman (Roy Orbison)

SET #2

- Little Bit Of Soul (?)

- Cynical Girl (Crenshaw)

- Steppin' Stone (Monkees)

- The Kids Are Alright (Who)

- Creedence Medley (Can You Guess Who?)

- Mr. Tambourine Man (Dylan/Byrds)

- Gloria (Them w/Van Morrison)

- Into Your Arms (Lemon Heads)

- I Want To Hold Your Hand (Beatles)

- 867-5309/Jenny (Tommy Tu Tone)

- Peace, Love, & Understanding (Costello)

EMERGENCY TUNES

- Brown Eye Girl (Van Morrison)

- So It Goes (Lowe)

- Thank You Girl (Beatles)

That's about it. Barely out of the 60's- limping into the early 90's....sorta.

Wish me luck. Please come visit me in the hospital after the gig to sign my leg cast!

Close Encounters

2009-04-22T15:36:00.002-04:00

The sixth man to walk on the moon, former NASA astronaut Edgar Mitchell, says we are NOT alone in the universe. Mitchell, who took part in the 1971 Apollo 14 lunar mission, is certain aliens exist, a fact the US & other nations are covering up.

Mitchell made the claim at a news conference in Washington following the 5th annual X-Conference, a meeting of UFO enthusiasts & researchers. CNN quoted Mitchell as saying that mankind has long wondered if we're "alone in the universe. But only in our period do we really have evidence."

He added, "I urge those who are doubtful: read the books, read the lore, start to understand what has really been going on. Because there really is no doubt we are being visited."

- Andy Geller (NY Post)
Edited by me because people keep complaining my posts are TOO LONG!

OK, Edgar. Interesting statements, but you're still not telling or showing this supposed proof of ET life in or out of our world. It doesn't say how old Mitchell is- perhaps he's grown a bit long in the tooth, if you know what I mean. So Mr. Mitchell, put your money where your mouth is &- show me da money my friend. I'd like to think that ET's & UFOs exist. I'd like to think we're not alone unless these otherworldly species want to annihilate us poor earthlings.

GAK-GAK-GAK! Take us to your leader!- Mars attacks (film reference).

WEIRD but is it TRUE?!

2009-04-22T15:31:00.002-04:00

Talk about your loaded diaper...

A couple strong-armed their way out of a Spokane, Wash., Safeway by punching out a security guard so they could make off with a package of Huggies, police said. At least the man yelled "sorry" as he hit the guard in the face.

I'd say that couple's in some pretty deep $h!t! ;^)

WEIRD but is it TRUE?!

2009-04-21T17:08:00.002-04:00

Hold your water!

Michaela Dutton, 21, of Birmingham England, has found that she's suddenly become allergic to water. She now only drinks diet soda, & is only able to shower for just 10 seconds at a time. Worst of all, she can hold her 3-year-old son only briefly when he cries because she might come into contact with his sweat, tears, & saliva.

This allergy affects only 1 in 230 million people!, and as of yet there is no treatment. Can you imagine? I can't. I'm a mild clean freak. I have to take at least one shower a day. It's sad- I feel bad for her. Just think how much deodorant & perfume that poor girl is going to have to buy.

Autumn's Calling

Ladies and Gentlemen...

Happy and Slappy New Tears!

Amazon Commercial World Premier

Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Star.....

HAPPY BLOGGERVERSARY!

Happy 40th Birthnet!

STRANGE but TRUE?!

The Dog Days of Summer

**Think On It!**

Whistle While You Work!

Did You Know That...

Could It Possibly Be True?!

** Think On It! ** Patriotic Edition

Is That All There Is?!

Adios, Amigos!

"One Small...W-H-A-T?!

** Think On It! **

STEFANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

** Think On It! **

** Think On It! **

Down To The Wire!

I'm So Ashamed...

** Think On It **

Stupid Is As Stupid Does!

** Think On It **

POSTage DUE!

~ THE SET LIST ~

- Panty Raid -

Signs of the APOCALYPSE?!

"Pan-damn-ic"

Smell Like A King!

That's a Wrap...Sorta

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZETZ!

~ The Sweetest of Peas ~

Pay For An "A"?!

Kung-Fu Grip

When Nature Calls!

< THINKABLE THOUGHTS >

WEIRD but is it TRUE?!

* Unfortunate Cookie Friday *

Friend or Foe?!

Is This FINALLY The End??!!

May Peace and Love Surround Them

- The Listening Post -

T.M.I. TUESDAY!

PLUS or MINUS

WHY-WHY-WHY?!

Miserable Mondayz :-(

I Guess Blondes Do Have MORE Fun After All...

We Have a winner in Winner!

She Said YES!

Been Illin'!

Flyin' South...

< THINKABLE THOUGHTS >

~FACTUAL FRIDAY~

* Unfortunate Cookie Friday *

Tickling the Ivories

-The Listening Post-

Quiet as a Mouse :-(

WEIRD but is it TRUE?!

Comical Commitment!

T.M.I. Tuesday...The End?!

The Search For Virtual Wisdom

What Would Abby Do?!

Factual Friday

Wacky Wednesdayz!

T.M.I. Tuesday!

My NETFLIX Nights

XXXDirty GirlsXXX?!

MOTHER or MUTHA?!

The Day The Music Died...

Thoughts & Prayers

Wacky Wednesdayz!

In-Cinc!

T.M.I. Tuesday!

Blue in Jersey

All's Swine & Dandy!

Thinkable Thoughts

WEIRD but is it TRUE?!

Think On It!

Think On It! Patriotic Edition

Think On It!

Think On It!

Think On It!

Think On It

Think On It