HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Waiting for The Great Pumpkin- Part 2

OK, I'll admit this may have been a mistake! First off, I think I came a day too early. I froze my @$$ off last night! Not only that, but Linus stole my security blanket and apparently was quite cozy and warm using both! Linus had the complete audacity to drink all the milk as well as eat all the Teddy grahams.

I also don't think he's bathed for quite sometime. I was kind and did not wish to embarrass him so I didn't bring it up. Boy is he ripe! Despite being outside in the fresh air, I still feel like I'm drowning in B.O.!

I've tried to make small talk, but all he wants to talk about is The Great Pumpkin. Great Pumpkin this. Great Pumpkin that. Prattling on and on. Blah, blah, blah. Yadda, yadda, yadda. He wouldn't talk about anything else. At first it was interesting to hear, but It got to be very annoying very fast. At this point, The Great Pumpkin doesn't seem so great. In fact if I see him tonight, I might carve him up and make pies & muffins for my friends and family. To hell with the toys, gifts, and candy. I'm gettin' hungry!

To top it all off, when he wasn't talking about The Great Pumpkin, he and Sally were texting back and forth. Pretty damn rude and inconsiderate if you ask me! I'll tough it out because I promised Linus and 'cause I wanna see this pumpkin dude for myself. I'll tell ya what though, I'm missing Violets Halloween party, and tricks or treats for this. Linus better come through or he'll owe me restitution.

Waiting For The Great Pumpkin!

I'm here with my pal Linus, typing to you live from the most sincere pumpkin patch we could find. We both emailed him last night to remind him that we'll be waiting patiently. We know this year he'll be here. There's just NO possible way he can pass us by. He's just gotta come!

We're fully dedicated to our cause and will do what ever it takes to assure his arrival, even if it means being out here all night. We've got all the supplies we need. Let's see what we've got: Security blankets-check. Flashlights-check. Teddy Grahams and milk-check, and a change of underwear. After what Snoopy pulled, we want to be fully prepared. That was embarrassing!

Hopefully Sally won't attend this year. Honestly She can be such a bratty bitch, and if she calls Linus "my sweet ba-boo" one more time I swear I'll SNAP!

Halloween is just one day away. Oh Greatest of Pumpkins, PLEASE don't forget all the presents and candy you promise for all the good children of the world. Especially us! We promise not to sell the stuff you bring us on eBay.

Doom and Gloom

Reading over the past few poems, I realize they seem a bit depressing. Don't try to read too deeply into them. It's just words and thoughts typed without thinking too much about them.

Actually I felt pretty good before I read them. Now I'm feeling a bit down. Other than that I'm OK.

:^) See, isn't what this smiley icon is for?

Really. It's not that bad.
I'll try to write some happy stuff soon....................................NAH.

Between Something and Nothing

Something is as nothing does
A hopeful dream that never was
Torn and shredded
Flayed and spilled
A prophecy soon fulfilled

Nightscapes

The spirits hearken foretold pasts
A future scheme that never lasts
A hope of dreams block the sun
lightless beams blinding one

The one then merely shuts his eyes
A muted smile with tearless cries
Tired now with hanging head
Dreading sleep alone in bed

-CLW
All Rights Reserved

Deceptive Poultry

Chicken Big and Chicken Little
Falling sky right down the middle
Lying truths and truths be told
The same old story growing old

-CLW
All Rights Reserved

More Than Nothing

Nothing special
nothing new
she was just a thing to do

Random lullaby's
Sleepless dreams
Killing time
Splitting seams

Over and done
Finished now
Splintered wood
Sacred cow

Broken glass on trampoline
The most beautiful girl I've never seen

-CLW
All Rights Reserved

Wednesday Morning Zen Post

Ahmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...no that's not it....Yummmmmmmmmmmmm... ......................
that's not it either.....Dummmmmmmmmmmm......
nope, let's try ........Mmmmmmmmm.........still no...........Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
..Ahhhhh, that's it...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

MUCH BETTER!

Warmsafehappyplace-Warmsafehappyplace-Warmsafehappyplace-Warmsafehappyplace

Self Talker

I'm standing on the brink of something and I think it's INSANITY!

There's all kinds of talkers. Fast talkers (RJW), slow talkers, loud talkers, no talkers............................I'm sure you get the picture. What about self talkers? Are they crazy? Are they venting? Are they reasoning? Perhaps they have no one to talk to 'cept the voices in their head.

I think there may be different degrees of self talkers. Mild, medium, and spicy. I started out mild, but I'm not a very good cook. It began as a simple utterance here and there. Somewhat soft and serene. I'm becoming increasingly concerned because it seems my once mild self talking is bypassing medium completely, rapidly approaching spicy hot and I can't seem to get out of the kitchen. Help!

We should not become too worried however as I haven't begun to answer myself back. Well maybe just a little. I don't seem to do it in public (yet), but then again if I'm too far gone without realizing it, I may be doing it all the time. Muttering like a crazed homeless person in comfortable GAP clothing. I have a sense of reassurance that this is not occurring as I'm sure one of my co-workers or confidants would have alerted me..........................or not.

Perhaps they're too afraid?!

Most of my self talking appears to occur at work which makes sense as this is where most of my stress in life occurs. I'd like to think I'm venting or working through problems in a healthy constructive way. I'm hoping the fact that I'm (still) aware I'm doing it, and writing about it means I'm not too far gone and that there is still a sliver of hope for me. I'm not too sure about self monitoring. I may have to hire someone to keep an eye (or muzzle) on me.

I think I'll be all right or possibly just alright.

No you won't!

Yes I will!

Shut up!

No, you shut up!

On Strike!

There were NO posts on Sunday due to dissension over union wages! That and I didn't really have anything worth posting except that today absolutely SUCKED and my immediate supervisor is an @$$ HOLE!

I ain't no scab and I ain't crossin' the picket line!

A Lovely Saturday Night........Almost

The overwhelming mysterious R and me decided we would partake of a joint dinner. I met her at her place of employment at about 7:30 pm, give or take. I found her as usual, with bottle in hand. To make it clear, she's not a drunkard or lush..............yet. The place we were going to was a BYOB, henceforth her preparedness of booze.

"M R", she being of great hunger, encouraged my usual Grand Prix driving. Lights and sirens baby, BOO-YA! I decided to take her to an Indian restaurant. She very much enjoys Indian cuisine. Me, not so much. I think I dined with her on one or two occasions, at one of those flying carpet joints. Keeping an open mind, I thought I'd give it another try.

The place seemed pretty nice decor wise. I had passed by the front window a few times prior thinking the place looked interesting, but being disappointed it served Indian food. It was surprisingly empty for a Friday night. My thoughts weighed between the economy and crappy food. I was hoping it was on account of the economy.

The waitress was VERY talky. Somewhat of a fast talker, with an annoying laugh that fell somewhere between friendly and maniacal. "M R" liked her though. I'll have to admit she seemed knowledgeable about the menu. We ordered an appetizer along with our meals. The "app" was pretty good, although as I type this, what we actually ate escapes me.

Not long after, our meals arrived. I very surprised to see the food being brought to us by Indian Pigmy's riding miniature donkeys. That was pretty cool, although there must be some kind of law against that. I had ordered some kind of dish that was hopefully going to contain chicken and not be too spicy. I recall "M R" ordered some type of chicken dish as well.
"M R" and me like to share our meals so I'm always hoping she'll order something I'll like. I always try to pay so I can guilt her into getting what I want. Such the evil controller! Heh-heh.

Half in the bag from the wine, our wills to avoid dessert were weak. With basically only two types to choose from, we attempted to order the lesser of two evils. I don't know about the other evil, but my feelings on dessert were that it was basically C-R-A-P! We eventually found ourselves overflowing with fullness so we paid the bill and split. We made small talk as I drove her the short distance back to her car. We were tired and parted ways. I went home. She probably went to meet her 9:15.

Arriving home I didn't feel so good. I knew it! Stay away from Indian grub I had told myself, however it was a matter of self sacrifice and trying to keep "M R" happy, 'cause if shes happy, I'm happy....................sometimes.

Resting on the couch in front of the big screen, I began to hear the barely audible gestation's of unearthly noises developing in my body as I debated my Net Flix selections. At first I thought a strange beast had clawed it's way into my humble abode, but as much as I didn't want to, I had to admit I was the cause of the mysterious noises growing louder by the second. My gut would be henceforth trumpeting the coming enemy army deployed for world dominance.

It got worse. ALL NIGHT worse! That my friends is what I meant by "almost". I'll leave it at that and bid you adieu.


Plop-plop fizz-fizz.


PS- I'm typing this on Monday and as it was saved as a draft, it will be automatically posted this past Saturday. Ah, technology. Ooh, my stomach!

LAMEoween

SIX days 'till Halloween! Hooray- Not really.

I absolutely LOVE Halloween! I have since I was a wee lad. Back when Lincoln was leading our great nation, although I voted for Nixon. Scary masks and costumes, movies, decorations etc. Most importantly, FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE candy. A mothers nightmare. A dentists increased income! Much like Christmas, people spend weeks getting ready for one simple day which seems to be gone in the blink of an eye. The days leading up to the holiday are usually more enjoyable then the day itself. Kinda like wanting is sometimes better than actually having. Unless it's a hot chick and a sports car! Maybe I may be in the minority.

They (whoever they are) say Halloween is only second to Christmas in popularity and has grown exponentially in the past two decades. I'm guessing "they" must mean the retailers, manufactures, etc. "We" of course being the consumer masses, Although I'm curious to know if the holiday took a downturn due to the current economy crisis.

To me, Halloween was always about the atmosphere. As a kid, Come early September, I was in full Halloween overdrive. "Mom decorate now!" Mom buy my costume now!" "Mom buy the candy now!" What a brat I was. I think my mother had to enter the food stamp program 'cause of me. God bless her. She was a saint, forged and stoked by fires unknown to any other mother, with me gloriously and notoriously, fanning the flames! As the saying goes; "whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". I swear I once saw her pick up our house to do some light dusting.

I think I went trick or treating up until I was about 25 years old, although by that time, it had lost much of it's appeal. Probably due to the large amount of rocks being thrown at me, many calls to the police, and a few shot guns pointed at me through the front door.

When I young, but finally old enough to T or T on my own, there were several non negotiable rules set in stone by me and my com padres.
ANY deviation or violation of said rules brought about swift, harsh judgement upon ones head. Aside from the possibility of punishment by death, there was always the lingering threat of a wedgie or head fart. Don't ask me to explain the latter. If you celebrated any kind of boyhood, you know the procedure.

#1) You didn't begin T or T until it was dark out. It was very uncool to go out before the sun had set. Going out during daylight hours was for the little kids.

#2) You could NEVER EVER wear a coat or jacket over your costume. BLASPHEMY! If your mom made you wear one, you ditched it as soon as you were far enough away from prying parental eyes. Unfortunately many a child was so exhausted by the end of the night, they ultimately forgot about their outerwear, leaving their coats outside to be kissed by the morning dew and mold. Not to mention, dirt, spiders, n' stuff. This very innocent act would usually bring a greatly feared reaction. Bringing down the wrath of MOM! Harsh, hard and heavy! I don't know about you, but in my neighborhood mothers were feared way over fathers!

Another sacred Halloween rule (#3) was that you were not at any time permitted to remove your mask revealing your true identity. This was before we were aware of the governments Witness Protection Plan.

The rubber masks were so heavy the inside became like a sauna. There was so much sweat running down our faces, it was like a waterfall. If that weren't enough, despite a hole here and a hole there, breathing became extremely difficult and labored. I saw many brave kids sucking it up for as long as they could before passing out and taking a header.

Another type of popular mask of the day was the thin plastic kind that only covered the front half of your face. It was secured to ones head by an elastic band that tended to snap, causing poor children to become furious. The tough kids simply held it up to their faces with one hand. Ahhh, "The Halloween Mask One-Hander". That took greatest of skills. In school the next day, quite often these kids were highly coveted and revered. Put on a metaphorical throne and worshiped by the boys and swooned over by the girls. Sad to say, I was never one of those kids.

This type of mask was as hazardous as the rubber kind, if not more so! Back in those days children's safety was not the priority it is today. These masks usually had pin hole openings to see out of and the mouth was commonly a small slit. The plastic was vac-formed which means the outside features pushed out, but the inside surface of the mask pointed inward. We're talking INTO YOUR FACE inward! In other words, the thin plastic was like razor blades or sharpened paper edges. Have you ever had a paper cut? Well it's pretty much the same with the mask. It's amazing how two very thin materials can cause so much pain and agony on a catastrophic level, not to mention the bleeding!

Another unfortunate result of the mask was the slobber factor. The mouth part of the mask would push so tightly against your mouth that it would be difficult to open it. Many a child could be heard making incomprehensible garbled sounds. None of us could understand what the other was actually saying. Fortunately T or T is a learned skill and the spoken word was rarely needed. Us kids had an unspoken language. At times I could swear we were tiny telepaths! Thank God the people who were giving out candy knew exactly what to do, even if they couldn't understand a word.

I can recall the agony and the Ecstasy while wearing these masks. Being barely able to breath with a raging river of saliva rushing over your mouth and down your chin and neck. You also had to factor in only being able to see mere inches in front of you. Kids were constantly tripping over curbs, foliage of various types, as well as the many steps we had to climb to reach our blessed sugar reward. I'm sure many ER's were littered and strewn with children's bodies that night. However, It was well worth the blood, sweat, tears and bruises!

Halloween was all about the cool factor. You didn't necessarily have to feel cool, you just had to look cool! Speaking of not so cool, I can recall being in Woolworth's, salivating over all the cool Halloween costumes. At that point in my life I was much too big for the boxed costumes they sold for the kiddies. At that time in my life I was going through my daredevil Evel Knevel phase. Lots of broken bicycles, fortunately no broken bones. I spied a brandie new EK costume on the shelf. No way in Halloween hell was I gonna let this moment pass me by.

I sneaked some ca$h out of the old ladies purse and made my purchase. Do recall the scene in the film A Christmas Story, when the mom is trying to stuff Randy into the snow suit? Well that's kinda how it looked as I tried to stuff my husky bod into my cool new EK costume, except my mom couldn't help because she was on the floor convulsing with laughter! Once I was barely in, I made my way outside for T or T. Within mere seconds my glorious EK costume had split it's seems up and down that damn vinyl and nylon piece of crap! I was so much more than mortified and embarrassed. I was completely and utterly defeated. I went home, tears streaming down my face with my beloved costume in tatters. Once inside I sought out motherly comfort, but there was none to be had from the woman who was still on the floor, convulsing and flopping like a fish out of water, laughing hysterically. Thanks mom!

On a side and slightly irrelevant note, As a youth I had heard terrifying tales of roadside bandits and marauders who would jump out of trees or from behind bushes, viciously assaulting you and stealing your candy, leaving you for dead. I was most fortunate to have avoided this fearful calamity!

The end of the Halloween evening brought the Coup De Grau. Emptying your pirates booty and swag onto the floor, only to have it almost immediately attacked by the family dog, or worse, an evil sibling. My brother and/or friends would sort through the candy, trading crap for favorites. I often recall waking in the morning to find my haul a bit light. My parents would smile their chocolate smiles, all the while denying any thefts had taken place. Call the authorities. I demand a full investigation!

Of course NO Halloween would be complete without the tradition of watching It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, usually followed by a viewing of Rankin and Bass's Mad Monster Party! The latter being brought to you by the producers of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, etc. presented in the glorious stop motion puppet format which to this day holds a special place in most Baby Boomers hearts!

Present day- I was invited to a last minute party (tonight) at a very good acquaintances house. I think I'm gonna bag, because I really haven't had time to throw together a decent costume. Besides I won't know many people, causing a few of my social foibles to be on high alert. It's just as well, I've got plenty of Net Flixin' ta do at my safe and warm abode. Halloween night is the start of my friend Bob's annual Monster Movie Marathon that lasts all weekend. Perhaps I'll attend for a few flicks.

One last thing that bums me out is that for some reason this Halloween season feels lame. I threw a pretty big (disastrous) party last year and I didn't really feel like going through all the effort again. I've barely decorated in and around my place. I never even picked up a pumpkin, let alone carved one. There are still a few days left to maybe do some stuff. We'll see. For now you'll find me sitting in the most sincere pumpkin patch I can find crying BOO-HOO! Get it?! Boo, as in ghost, and ghosts typically say the word boo, but I don't think they really do. Only the cartoon ghosts do that, right?

Oh Great Pumpkin, where are you?!

Anotha Cupa Coffee

According to today's NY Post, my FAVORITE newspaper, clutching a warm cuppa mud can bring on warm feelings, researchers said (Duh!) after finding a strong link between physical and emotional warmth.

"Physical warmth can make us see others as warmer people, but also cause us to be warmer- (WTF?!- Once again, duh!) more generous and trusting", said Yale psychology professor John Bargh.

Holy crap! All that from a cupa joe?! Sally, brew up a pot of your finest filtered coffee. I need all the warmth and mental stability I can get. Hey I could save a butt load on meds. In fact, I'll take that W&MS with a slice of rhubarb pie and sarsaparilla topping!


Well John, if that's how your using your smarts, Yale's valuable time and money, as well as keeping Starbucks in the black, so be it. And that would be a degree in..................................?

Said professors research is in the journal Science. Stop readin' the paper John, shut your cake, or if you prefer, pie hole and fetch me a ginormous super grande java cafe latte, with a lot of latte, light on the coffee. Go on now son I'm waiting.

Chatter-Chatter-Chatter-Chatter

Do you hear that?

That's the sound of my teeth dramatically smashing together in a rapid up and down motion- Burrrrrrr! Baby it's cold outside. Unless my Radio Shack thermometer is inaccurate, it was digitally displaying a reading of 29 degrees this sorta fine morn. By the time I left to go to work about an hour later it was a scorching 34! As if that weren't enough, apparently my automatic car starter is 10-7. That's cop speak for broken. As my mother used to say; "It's as cold as a witches tit on Halloween!"

Last night was geriatric band rehearsal. By the time the dudes arrived I was ready for bed. Being the trooper that I am, I sucked it up and walked it off. Things didn't start out well. We were trying out a new tune; Tom Petty's You Wreak Me, when my arm cramped up. This hasn't happened since that last big Stone Pony gig many years hence in Asbury Park. Birthplace to Springsteen's rockin' career. That was a decent sized gig, and just when we were into the second tune, my right arm cramped up! I suffered a mild panic attack as I was barely able to hold the drum stick, but I got through it, fleeing the scene shortly thereafter in disgust.

Thank God this occurrence was at practice at the ol' crypt (not crib as in MTV). We warmed up with an easier tune which worked out much better for me and my lame arm. I thought I was stroking out there for a minute. Not good. Practice seemed to go much more smoothly after that. We had some surprise unexpected minor celebrity visitors arrive. First it was "Pajamas" and "Finsta Baby", the latter being one of the band members one and only sibling. They were kind enough to nod their heads in time to the music in mock appreciation.

No sooner had we kicked into Orbison's Pretty Woman, when RJW flew into the room like a whirling dervish, dancing up and down, and all around like a crazed crack addict in rehab! As quickly as she arrived, she was 10-8. That's cop speak for back in service or roughly translated, I'm outta here. She came and went so abruptly, I had to consult with those present just to be sure she was really there or a figment of my over the top imagination. She was like a UFO buzzing Area 51!

All the visitors were a most welcome as I can only look at the same four walls and band members for so long.

I'm 10-8 Headquarters. I'll be on a 63!

The Irony and The Agony

This one's for the boys. (and the ladies too I guess)


According to today's NY Post; A new study (or should that be nude study) has found that drinking caffeine over an extended period of time causes women's breasts to shrink.

The same study also found that women may have to make a hard choice between breast size and breast safety, because drinking caffeine also helps protect against cancer.

According to the research, regular drinking of as little as three cups daily can have enough of an impact on estrogen levels to cause noticeable bosom reduction. This according to study author Helena Jernstroem of Lund University in Sweden, and published in the British Journal of Cancer.

Don't worry too much; a daily coffee fix will not turn a Dolly Parton into a Keira Knightley, just into a smaller Dolly Parton. This particular study included 300 woman coffee drinkers.

-News article edited for content by me-



I'm not sure if that's the worst or BREAST news I've heard all day. Honey, start drinking decaf. In fact, start drinking tea. Do it for yourself, but mostly for me. Was that sexist?!

Heavy Handed Love

I didn't see it coming
It took me by surprise
I was disenchanted by the color of your eyes.

Your mouth ripped me to shreds
with the sweetness of your words
I could tell how much you cared
although it seems absurd.

-CLW
All rights reserved

With Heavy Hands and Heavy Heart

Mr. Blister fists came to town
punching all the people
then he found religion
and punched a churches steeple.

His hands were bloody,
bruised, and pained,
that mattered very little.

Later on so very bored
he found some wood to whittle.

-CLW
All rights reserved

WTF?!
I should probably call 911.
I evidently need some assistance.

Russian Proverb

"Happiness is not a horse; you cannot harness it."

Everyday in my local State newspaper they have a "thought for today" blurb inside the front page. I thought this was kind of interesting. Probably written and/or spoken by some manic depressive ancient Russian Bolshevik Czar. His name was probably Ivan (the not so bad) Boobinskov.

Das-vi-donya. (phonetically)


I'm bored. Besides I'm not very fond of horses.
Hey kid. Can ya bring that shovel over here a minute?!

Greetings From The Ice Box

If you recall, that's a reference to my secret lair at work from which I type this semi fine morning. Not the weather conditions outside the walls of my confinement. I do tend to refer to the weather in my writings though, don't I? Was that a rhetorical question? Was that questioning my question? I'm sleepy. I don't quite know how that $h!t works.

I thought I had some very witty morning witticisms to offer, but now I can't remember. Holy buckets, what a train wreak! Someone bring me some java. Yesterday!

OK, I remember now. We're well into autumn with winters chill just around the corner. As pumpkins, scarecrows, and cornucopias are replaced with hot chocolate, Bourbon, and snow shovels. Don't forget to wear your galoshes, as my Aunt Tillie used to bark!

My body begins to tell me the seasons are changing. Allergies, sinuses, and especially when the back of my calves start to itch. Yeah right? That happens to you too? Can you please please pass the moisturizer?

So off with your bad selves. Emerge unto this hopefully fine day, and good Morgan to you. Isn't that Amish?

Close Call!

Today I was en route to the crime ridden city of Elizabeth NJ to deliver VERY important classified documents. The type that if you were on board a plane would be inside a attache case handcuffed to your wrist. The type that if you were captured, you'd have to eat.

But I digress on purpose, because I can. Because it's MY blog that NO ONE except the lovely and vivacious Bloggetts read!

Anyway, I was transporting said documents in the Lieutenant's crappy gold unmarked car when I was almost in a car wreak of minor proportions. I was travelling straight (SE) down a road of which I do not know the name, when I observed a small van or bus backing from in front of me to the intersection directly behind it. Does that make sense to you? Well I was there so I understand!

Regardless, The vehicles front end is now sticking out slightly into the intersection. The vehicle stops (briefly) as I continue driving past it. Suddenly the vehicle pulls out, apparently attempting to execute some kind of turn. I see the driver and the J@CK@$$ is not even looking as he continues driving, heading directly for the front passenger side of my crappy secret police car. It happened slow, but fast at the same time, if you know what I mean. What do you mean you don't know what I mean?!

I'm not sure if I even applied the brakes because I couldn't believe, nor comprehend what was happening. He was STILL comin' at me. Finally he saw me and hit the brakes, as did I. The front of his vehicle was mere inches away from the front of mine. MERE INCHES I tell you! It was so close that I was waiting for the sound of metal crunching. That would be the sound of my boss's car crunching!

God or his angels must have intervened. I can't even begin to convey to you just how close we came to crashing. I actually had a bit of whiplash as my neck jerked a bit. I was even shaking a little and struggling to catch my breath that had hauled @$$ down the road from fear.

My whole life flashed before my eyes and boy was it boring. True story. Swear to God.

Ladies and Gentlemen,We Interupt This Program............

I was just notified by NASA that the Hubble Telescope has detected a large mass on the surface of my forehead! It's believed to be a GINORMOUS meteorite. Also well known by the scientific community in it's Latin origin of Zitius Pusspossturus!

Yes kids, you too can develop zits at ANY age! Our worlds greatest minds from NJ to Ohio and from Zurich to Bayonne have concluded it's not really what you eat. Partially your genetics, but mostly STRESSssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

Apparently there are UFOs and life on Uranus!

Mmmmmmmmmmm Part II

This morning I feel VERY groggy! Yes gentle readers, I'm bitching again. The past week or so have been CRAP on the sleep front. It's a well known (to me) fact that I tend to suffer from insomnia. Fluctuating from mild to monotonous. Even when I do sleep, I rarely feel rested. I seem to function a bit better after 11am. I'm not sure why that is, only that my bosses aren't very sympathetic to this "after 11am" phenomena.

I can't recall my sleep patterns as a baby or as a child. I wish my mother were still alive. Only later in life do I find I have so many questions to ask her that I never thought of or did while she was alive. I believe much of the cause of my restless insomnia is my mind. I tend to think a lot. Too much. I over analyze almost everything. I also think my (before it was trendy)ADHD is also a major cause. Damn it! Get Irv on the horn. Pronto!

I was a slow developer. My amazing genius mind took much longer then mere common subhumans to become cohesive, all knowing and all powerful! I think it was worth the wait don't you?! I'm not even sure that my magnificently meticulous, constantly evolving mind is even close to being fully developed. I'm very aware as I sit here typing, that my mind is constantly expanding. I can feel it occurring at this very moment. Can you see it? Is it cool? Other things are unfortunately expanding as well. Ow. My brain hurts!

OK, back to sleep, or lack there of. I tend to receive a fitful nights rest. Let's talk about the word fitful for a moment, shall we? Fitful to me, sounds good . Positive. Indicating a good nights sleep. However, the dictionary disagrees (the nerve!) indicating just the opposite. I would die to have restful, peaceful sleep, without torturous dreams. I must have a guilty conscience- heh, heh, heh. Well, as they say; I'll sleep when I'm dead. Of course I could turn out to be immortal. That could suck.

No Direction

West of nowhere.
East of nothing.
Defective compass spins eternal.

Are you guided by the stars.
Do they lead you were you want.
communing with the moon
alone inside your room.

Do your feet move you forward.
Does the past drag you back.
Frozen like a statue
where the fork splits the road.

Dizzy spinning gravity.
Time stops on a dime.
Spend your money elsewhere.
Life's savings in the bank.

Set out on the road.
Cross the fields and prairies.
Search for South of somewhere.
The North can wait for now.

-CLW
All rights reserved

First Frost

Good morning loyal readers of FLAST!

I awoke to a brisk morning in NJ to what appeared to be the first substantial frost. Jack Frost had apparently drank too much (like me- see earlier post) last evening, pissing himself silly, leaving a magical coating of frost on the ground. At least he didn't try to write his name.

No More For Him Mr. Bartender!

Last night I went out with the chief to grab some dinner. I really didn't want to go, but he threatened to fire me, and with today's economy, I relented. We discussed our many choices of eating venues. We, or I should say he, decided on our usual crappy Italian dive in town. One of the motivating factors being a generous discount to gun toting sheriffs. We picked up a bottle of wine, which of course I had to purchase, and headed over. I know the wine part must sound slightly romantic in a VERY creepy way, but the joint is a BYOB and the boss can't eat without booze! Our favorite waitress was employed that evening to slave to the masses. She being Miss Wolters of the Stirling NJ Wolters.

We ate. We drank. I drank TOO much! I'm a lightweight mind you. I rarely consume the devils liquid. It was good however, and before I realized, I had partaken of three glasses of the white. After letting the food and drink settle a bit, we bid our adieus, heading down the block to the next gin joint. What was I thinking? Go home. Leave now while you can still crawl, my inner voice quietly screamed out in my noodled noggin! The old devil and angel sitting on each shoulder whispering sweet nothings in my ears which apparently were filled with peanut butter. Hopefully the good kind. Jif! Creamy and smooth, like budda.

While at the (not so jolly) Trolley saloon, we partook of coffee type drinks. Evilly infused with yet more booze. My immediate supervisor was summoned and arrived to participate in our sinful deeds, consuming only one modest brew. This is the guy I occasionally bitch about in my blog. I prefer his company much more outside of work. I was coherent enough to know I had had enough when I found myself sans pants, and the bartender was grabbing me forcibly, dragging me towards the door.

The chief drove me home. He was kind enough to slow to 5 mph before opening the door only to shove me out by his boot. I must have lain on the roadside a good forty five minutes before being roused by the local constable who helped me inside with a summons pinned to my shirt. I slept upside down in the tub with the water running. I'm fortunate enough to be typing out this tale for you as I could have easily drowned. I'm lucky. You're lucky. Ow, my head hurts! Anybody got some aspirin or something stronger?!

Not So Rockin' and Butter Rollin'

The band had a rehearsal on Thursday night at the usual time and place. Never on time and always at my place. We hadn't jammed in a couple of weeks due to assorted vacations and nonsense. We were a bit rusty. We received a surprise visit from our only groupie. She mildly swayed with a half smile to uncool tunes that were written and performed decades before her arrival on this planet. She was a good sport. I think having a few drinks before her arrival, may have amped up the entertainment factor. Shortly thereafter, she passed out on the couch. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

We All Fall Down

On this Sunday, my FAVORITE day of the week, the first authentic (weather-wise) fall day has FINALLY arrived! It's in the low 50's with a slight chill breeze.

The trees majestic, display their burning branches. Leafy flames of red and orange, edged with subtle shades of brown. The whispering winds quell the fires, causing the embers to slowly and silently glide to the ground. They gather like old friends. A brief reunion before drifting away.

The days are growing shorter as darkness draws the dark velvet curtain allowing just enough light from the stars and moon to shine through.





Martha LOVED days like today and helped me to appreciate the simple beauty easily taken for granted. I know she's looking down and smiling, as a small tear caresses her cheek.


13 (appropriate) days 'till Halloween. Gather together your sweets. carve a ghoulish grinning pumpkin, serving up some tricks or treats!

We Don' Neeed No Steekin' Guns!

GUNS-GUNS-GUNS!

This afternoon was; Whata ya doin'? Wanna clean our guns, because we're your bosses and we don't want to!

When the BIG bosses "ask" you to clean their guns you, well..................clean their guns. I like these guys. They've been good to me. It's nice to be liked from the top. For most of my career it's been the other way around. Actually I don't mind. Besides, I'm getting paid to do it. I can certainly think of worse ways to make a buck!

They handed over three "Sigs". Short hand for Sig Sauers. When we first got them I didn't understand German and thought they were called "Six Hours". Silly me. They're German engineered semi-autos. A well made weapon used in many films and TV shows. Scully and Mulder both carried them on one of my favorite shows from the past; the X-Files.

I noticed they had removed the ammo from these bad boys. Smart thinkin'! It's me after all. It took almost two hours to clean all three. I'm a Virgo, and very meticulous. I'm sure they never have cleaned them so thorough. I decided to clean 'em in the back bathroom by JV. I worked so hard to clean those guns, I became physically exhausted! My back even ached. I should have propped the door open because eventually I was overcome by the fumes caused by the cleaning solvent. My immediate boss looked in and said my eyes were so red, he thought I was high, and I was! We have the best stuff stored in evidence. It's free too! Jus' kiddin'...............or am I?

Looking at my hands, besides the stink, the flesh is peeling off and the underside of my nails are black! Shoot, (get it) I'd better wash my hands again. They're really starting to bleed now! I'd also better give them their guns back. They may need 'em........................................Nah!

Welcome to Walmart!, gun enthusiasts. Buy one, get one free!

Morning Has Broken

Too early.

Too tired.

Headache.

COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE!
NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW!

Wake me up before you go-go!

Suspect Heart

As suspected, a heart neglected,
will surly fade away.

Drained of life force after discourse
to leave and never stay.

Never fed and left for dead,
a faint pulse yet detected.

To carry on a love affair
for those who've been rejected.

-CLW
All rights reserved

Spicy Meatball

Young Vincent Delvecchio never listened
to his teachers.

He was always skipping class,
watching double features.

The principal caught him in the act
and grabbed him by the ear.

Now Vinnie's chained tight to a desk,
with no movies for a year.

-CLW
All rights reserved

Metal Boxes

A shiny metal box
holds shiny little secrets.

A thousand keys lay on the ground
except the one I need.

The house burns down
around the box.

Embers won't reveal the
knowledge that I lack.

-CLW
All rights reserved

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm

This is not the good kind of Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, like when you smell or taste something delicious. This is actually the Mmmmmmmmmmmm of being tired. I'm finding it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. I even have three "alarms" that sound in an attempt to raise me from the dead.

The first one sounds at 7:55am which is a wake up call to myself, set through my voice mail system. I usually NEVER hear that one. The second call arrives promptly at 7:10 am. This one occasionally rouses me, but not usually. Then comes the phony electronic wind chimes that are supposed to gently wake me. It's difficult to hear these chimes, (played sweetly by Buddhist monks that reside within) over the sound of the white noise machine.

Now white noise is that constant droning sound, somewhat like a SHHHHHHHHH if you tried to write it out. Similar to an air conditioner, fan, or something of that ilk. It's usually used to block out ambient noises. Commonly used to calm and comfort babies, (or me) helping them to fall sleep. It's also helpful to those who work the night shift who need to block out the noises of the daily inside and outside world. It easily becomes addictive. I've used one for approximately twenty years now, and find it difficult to sleep without one. I'm so attuned to it, that if it shuts off either intentionally or unintentionally, I will often immediately wake up. Scary. I even have a portable one that I bring along while traveling. I guess I'm kinda high maintenance. Keep quiet RJ. A friend of mine several years ago dubbed it "The 747" because to her it sounded like the inside cabin of a plane. I found that pretty damn funny.

OK, now that I've gotten way off topic, let me attempt to steer it back on track. perhaps some of my sleep/waking difficulties stem from the the changing seasons, however yesterday I had a HUGE blowout with my immediate supervisor whom I shall refer to as Mr.Ass or MA. Now MA is not a bad guy as I mentioned in a post from back in the day. I actually like the guy.....................................most of the time. He's a bit younger than me and also has less time in, not that that's relevant to the problem.

He's just not very good at communicating with people. He lacks people skills and I believe deep down he's aware of this. He's arrogant and somewhat on a power trip having recently been promoted to a higher rank. He's sarcastic, but in a slightly demeaning way and has a tendency to talk down to people. Not only was he demeaning, but he was demeaning in front of other co-workers, who by their chuckles, seemed to be entertained at MY expense. I was so pissed off all I could see was a bright shade of red! I was so mad I had to leave the office to let off some steam. Yesterdays situation may have also factored in to the sleep/wake disaster.

Not too long ago we (ironically) had to watch a mandatory video on, you guessed it, ANGER management. It also detailed verbal and physical abuse in the workplace. There was also a bit on sexual harassment on the job. I'd welcome that, however my co-workers are predominantly male, and the females can be questionable at best.

I recall seeing my supervisor at the viewing, but he seemed too busy talking, making comments, and giving me the stink eye, to really be paying attention to the video. I think he may have missed a few key parts. I do however believe in karma and the whole circle of life thing. You know the; what goes around, comes around saying? I foresee a baker in his future. One that will be baking a large humble pie. I'm curious as to who will serve him a big ol' slice on a very LARGE plate. Perhaps with a big cold glass of spite to wash it down with! Perhaps that was a bit harsh.............perhaps not.

Eat crow sir, then fly away. Good day!

Autumn Dream

Leaves die away
kaleidoscope hues.

Greens, Orange, Reds,
never blues.

Harvest skies
of fire burns.

A season forth
as winter yearns.

-CLW
All rights reserved

Talk Without Speaking

You invite me inside
no questions asked.

Ill at ease,
trapped in the past.

Troubled spirits haunting.
transparent grieving souls.

Shattered glass and dreams
cut sharply to the bone.

Bleeding out you resonate.
Specters only dissipate.

Deceptions seek the truth.

-CLW
All rights reserved

Solitude and Separation

When the spirit left your body
I was watching out the window.

Shadows casted by weathered faces
with eyes that had no sight.

Lines on flesh tell bedtime stories
of life experienced, but never lived.

Blowing winds through dead tree branches
chime a warning to birds on a wire.

Weeping veiled faces drop tears
running rivers divided by cobblestones.

The last bit of earth becoming natures blanket,
keeps you warm away from me.

- CLW
All rights reserved

Full Moon Fever

Tonight is a full moon. Some people out there tend to act a bit strange when this occurs. At work we call them Code 8's. Another term for these wacky folks is "loony". This term is derivative of the word lunar, hence the whole moon thing.

There's definitely something to this whole phenomenon. I've seen it first hand in my line of work. More arrests. More domestic situations. More problems in general. It seems to affect each person differently. Perhaps it only heightens their already nut bag persona. Kinda like when someone drinks too much and becomes even more annoying, furious, or happy than they usually are.

It truly does make perfect sense. The moon effects the tide, and we as humanoids are whatever percentage water. I'm not sure if there's official scientific documentation to back this up, but I'm a believer! After all, for many years my nicknames have been; Wolfman, Wolf, or Wolfie. I do tend to bite.

Speaking of which, I'm suddenly not feeling very well. I may have to go home sick. It's strange. My teeth and fingernails are really starting to hurt, and I could have sworn I shaved this morning.

Goodbye Columbus

I was just pondering yesterdays holiday. Around here schools were off, banks were closed, and there was no mail delivery. It's actually kind of a lame holiday. I'm sure kid's love it 'cause they get the day off. Adults, or those pretending to be like myself, STILL have to work, and attempt to pay late bills that won't be delivered on time.

I mean what's up with this Chris dude? He sailed the ocean blue in 14 something, something. He apparently didn't even really discover America, at least on purpose. He thought the world was round, but that's because he had a high stakes bet ridin' on it!

Lame holiday. Wolf Day would be so much better. I'll be meeting with the president over drinks and dinner tonight. Perhaps I'll bend his ear. Enacting a holiday after me would be the ONE good thing he did while in office. I should also say goodbye as he'll be getting' the boot soon! YEE-HA Little Doggy! Giddy up pardner. We're runnin' ya outta town and puttin' ya out ta pasture.

Mornings Suck Pre-Coffee Intake

Greetings ladies and gentleman, boys and girls of all ages. Especially girls 30 and up!

I'd like to share a sampling of some of my favorite catch phrases to start your day. Most of them feel really good to say, and I usually like to say them VERY loud, which tends to infuriate my bosses.

Hold on tight, 'cause here we go!

- SON OF A BITCH!

- OH FOR CRAPS SAKES!

- CRAP ON A STICK!

- I'M ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS!

- WAIT FOR IT!

- ..............OR NOT!

- REALLY?!

I'm quite sure there's a few more. Perhaps someone out there in deep dark cyberspace can remind me. There's a buck in it for you. How's that for dangling the proverbial carrot?

Wishing you all a day. My cleaning ladies are arriving today. They'd better be. My place is RIPE!

They're Creepy and They're Kooky.......

DA-NA-NA-NA *SNAP-SNAP*!

The Addams Family ain't got nothin' on mine! This past Saturday night was the first time in about FIVE YEARS that I got together with my siblings. That would be four of us. My evil twin (ET), my older brother, my older sister, and myself of course.

There's a whole sorted and quite boring story as to why It's been so long since we've all gotten together. Well actually they have, sans me. The occasion was a group birthday celebration. My (ET) and me had ours in September. My older brother and sister have theirs during the same week in November.

Initially, I was not planning to attend, however the death threats became a bit much. I'm not getting any younger and family is, well family. Blood is also thick and red. Now don't get me wrong, I love my family..........sometimes. I just don't particularly like them. And that's OK. You don't have to. No one really gets to choose their kin folk . I blame the parents. They're the ones who usually cause these things to happen. It's that whole; You can pick your nose. You can pick your friends nose. You can pick your.............well I'm sure your well aware how the saying goes.

We were to meet Monclair at some hip joint named Table 8. The ironic thing being it would be a party of 8 for Table 8, at 8pm. How cute. I was actually looking forward to trying this place out. It looked pretty cool. Turns out the ET waited too long to make the reservation, and dinner would have ended up starting pretty late. We're all old, so it would be well past our bed time by the time we ate. It's not cool to fall asleep in your soup.

Because of this, there was a change in venues. Now it would be an Italian restaurant in Newark. Newark?! Whatever. Dodging the bullets from gang wars makes eating a bit more exciting.

I couldn't do this thing alone and called upon the kindness of Miss Wolters to help me out in my time of need. Fortunately she agreed. She kinda had to. She owes me lots of money! She had actually only met my older brother and was looking forward to the full Monty. And the full Monty she would have. Before we left I wished her good luck. I said a prayer for her and doused her with holy water after choking her with rosary beads I stole from a nun while she was smacking some kids hand with a ruler!

We met up at the restaurant and I immediately spied my ET and sister. I failed to mention spouses would also be in attendance. That was another reason for me to bring a guest. I did not wish to be the older, wayward, spinster bachelor in the corner. My ET brought his wife lowell, (me thinks a mans name) and my sis brought Howeird. My older brother and his wife arrived shortly thereafter. The place seemed OK. Not fancy. Not a dive. Pretty much what I expected. They brought the menus which were pretty heavy. I bet they chain these things to people to weigh them down when they throw them overboard. Holding one of these things made my arms tremble. Now I know how Moses felt carrying those damn tablets down the mountain.

Everyone proceeded to order booze and apps. Now I'm not much of a drinker, but I needed some liquid courage. Screw the food! Bring me a pitcher of sangria. Heavy on the gria! Between Miss Wolters lovely smile and personality, along with several glasses of sweet nectar, this was turning out to be not so bad. We ate, we laughed, we gave each other the stink eye, and it was over. Oh I forgot to mention, one of the waiters, or the owner, I'm not sure which, visited our table on a few occasions. I swear this guy looked like he was gonna whack somebody! I'm trying to recall his name. It might have been Vinnie bagadonuts, eddy capuchinno, or Sal Manilla. I'm not sure.

We were all standing outside when the invites started to fly. Come to this. Come to that. Whoa Nelli! Hold on a second pardner! Just because I attended this particular family shindig did not necessarily mean I would be attending them all. We'll see.

Oh, and sadly Miss Wolters lost her designer mink coat. Now most likely in the hands of some homeless soul or a member of PETA. We have no idea where that coat went. It pulled a Houdini. My guess is it ended up wherever my $4,000 sunglasses went. The black hole of lost souls and property.

That's all for now. Time to go home and eat leftovers from our "last supper". Ow. My fingers hurt.

(10-14-08) I'd like to add that Charles Addams, creator of the Addams Family and a famous New Yorker Magazine cartoonist, grew up in my town in NJ. DA-NA-NA-NA *SNAP-SNAP*! Uncle Fester, get that light bulb out of your mouth! Your wasting electricity!

Here He Comes............................

Do you remember the beginning of the theme song to the Speed Racer cartoon? Well imagine two guys in their forties in a hot new black Corvette. Not quite a demon on wheels.

My best friend Jay stopped by last night in his mid life crisis on four wheels, to see if I wanted to go for a drive. The weather was nice, yet unseasonably warm (see below furious rant post). It's a beautiful car. It's the kind of car that gets the smile and thumbs up from guys and the eye roll from the ladies.

I've never seen a female driving one, although I hear they're popular with transvestites, trans genders, and cross-dressers. Hey!, someone told me OK?! This is a car you'll most likely see a guy in his forties and MUCH older driving. The car screams look at me! I'm STILL hip and young! I'm hot! I've still got it! Jay's Vette is a 2008 (maybe 2007?) model. It's black as I've mentioned. Bruce Wayne's favorite color. A friend of Jays that owns one as well, talked Jay into the purchase. Jay had a Vette many years ago when he was a youngin' and I think he was trying to recapture some of that. Only this time he had to capture a bit more moo-la!

They both usually just keep the cars stored in their garages, only taking it out for a spin every so often. What's the point? Whatever. Jay and I went for a nice little drive. He thinks 'cause he's with me it's OK to go mach five. Well, if 5-0 ever pulled us over, I'd have to say I sell and service vacuum cleaners. Yes sir I do. We were getting hungry so we stopped by a crappy little Italian joint in town. Miss W happened to be workin' it hard for tips, (no she's not a stripper) so we thought we'd make her night, harass her a bit, and get some decent grub as a bonus.

After dinner, Jay asked if I wanted to drive home. Now I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop because this guy waxes his car with a diaper, and will only drive with surgical gloves on. I figured his offer was HS, but he handed me the keys and we both got in with worried looks. I learned how to drive shift, so I believe if you can drive a crate with a Manual transmission, you can drive almost anything.

Now I'm a big dude. 6'2" in fact. Jay, not so big. I sat in the seat which is Pretty dang low to the floor. Despite that, all I could see was the hood of the car. I actually had to scrunch down to see the road. As I placed it into 1st gear I have to admit I was a bit nervous. I pulled away from the curb without hitting the car parked in front of me. I figured I was off to a pretty good start. I pulled up to the main drag and that was all she wrote my friend. I popped the clutch and away we went! That baby kicked some asphalt @$$. I live about a mile and a half down the road. I got it up to 75 pretty quickly. It's a good thing I know the cops in town.

I think he expected me to pull into my driveway, but that wasn't gonna happen. I drove so fast passed my place the paint pulled right off! That's gonna piss off my landlord. I love to drive fast! Unfortunately cars that are fast are not conducive to my height. One of the greatest thrills of my life, aside from sky diving which I will NEVER do again, was driving 160 mph in a stock car at the Pocono Raceway.

I drove through the next town and back again testing my shifting prowess. I was a little rusty but not too bad. Pulling into my driveway was another story. Vettes sit VERY low to the ground. Despite pulling in slowly, the bottom still managed to scrape a bit. I've never seen Jay wince like that. That was nothin' compared to what happened next. I attempted to turn around in my lot so it would be easier for him to leave. How considerate. My lot is on a slight incline so I had to give it a bit of gas as I put it into 1st. Apparently my clutch dexterity was not all that, because we were quickly over come by the smell of something burning. I asked him what it was. Jay said it was me destroying his clutch. At that point, I felt it best to put it in park and make a semi-graceful exit.

I guess he's gonna send me the bill. I hope his mechanic isn't too expensive. I'm sure the part alone will cost me quite a few donuts and cups of coffee! I wonder if I should call my lawyer. I'd also better check my renters insurance policy.

Season of the Witch

Hello? It's October, eighteen days from Halloween.

What's with the weather? It was in the 70's today. Buzz kill! Enough with this Indian Summer thing. Time to get crisp. Time to get cool. Get your @$$ in gear Mother Nature. I insist we start receiving seasonal appropriate weather. I don't want to wear my bikini again this year for Halloween. It's not fair to the kids, although it does save me money on candy.

Everyday I see this kid I remember from last Halloween, pass by my house. I swear hes still got the shakes. I've NEVER seen a kid run so fast!

Formal Apology

We here at the "FLAST" offices have been deluged with emails, telegrams, and phone calls complaining about the lack of posts yesterday, Sunday 10/12/08. For this we are sorry. A few of you were actually concerned for our health and safety and for that we are grateful and humble.

We want to assure you that everything is back on track, and that we will strive to serve you better. We promise to do everything within our power to make sure this doesn't happen again. Thank you for your anticipated understanding.

Truly,
The Staff at FLAST

The Royal Order of Posts

I understand it, and it makes sense to have the most current post at the top of the page............BUT, it can be kinda confusing! It can potentially kill the flow and continuity of the blog! I just had to get that out.

Oh, and the other thing that boils and butters my balls, is that when I save a post to "draft" to finish later, when it's completed and I post it, it's automatically inserted by the date from when I originally wrote it, thus procuring it's probable irrelevance!

I'm thinkin' that was a mighty run on sentence. Maybe a paragraph or short story. Any help RJW?

OK- Test over. Turn in your papers. Remember this will count towards 110% of your grade. Have a nice day class!

MRI Part II, Or Do Not Read This post Until You've Read The Post Below this one!

I forgot to mention after all that hooey, that there was one more small bit of comic genius that occurred. My right knee had been bothering me the past few days. In all the paper work it asked for specific details of the injury(S) and locations on my bod. I must have filled in right knee about fifteen times.

When I was getting set up for the MRI, the guy was looking through the paperwork I had filled out. He said I was there for my LEFT knee! That's what was specified on the doctors prescription. DOH!

I asked the guy if he was dyslexic, to which he replied no. I told him to just photo copy the paperwork in reverse so I wouldn't have to re do it. He seemed to accept that. I woke up at 2am this morning wondering how that worked out for him. I'll have to make a call.

Hey, maybe I'll get to go back and get my right knee done. This time I'd better get a lollipop or I'm callin' my mom!

The Good, The Bad, and The Fugly

The good news.
It looks like there's a possibility I may live another forty or so years.

The bad news.
I seem to have been born without any internal organs. half of my brain appears to be missing as well.

Wow. I'm sure glad I had that MRI.

I wish I could say it was for something exciting, or keep it a deep dark mystery prompting an outpouring of sympathy. The sad truth is, it was all about the knee(s). The injury goes way back to college during a football game. I was open, so the quarterback drilled it to me. I was hauling @$$ as fast as I could whilst being pursued by the huge neanderthal gorillas from the opposing team. I was just about to score a touchdown when one of the damn dirty apes came up from behind and rolled me. I went down like a blade of grass under an elephants foot.

That was the start. Not long after that, I was signed by a pro team (NY/NJ area) despite their understandable concerns over my injured knee. The team doctors however gave me the thumbs up and I was on my way. Before the beginning of our very first game, I tripped in the locker room and that was all she wrote. The FIRST damn game! I sat on the bench for one season before being released from my contract. Hey, I had absolutely no problem sitting on my @ss for a "cool mill".

After that I dabbled in semi-pro soccer and rugby. I certainly wasn't getting any younger and by that time the knee was pretty much mangled. I kept postponing surgeries, and just took to wearing heavy duty braces. So here we are in the present and my knee has swelled up so big, it looks like a volley ball, a big headed baby, or at just the right angle, a bald headed dwarf strapped to my leg. Perhaps it would just be easier to amputate. I'm many things, but I'm no doctor.

Here's the (mostly true) story of the MRI event as it unfolded:

I arrived at the imaging center at my appointed time and took a seat. I grabbed a paper and proceed directly to the comic section. Stock market, fuel high jinks, and world crisis be damned. I alternated between hysterical strips and one panel gags, to Martha Stewart on TV talking with an expert on menstrual decoupage. I heard lots of coughing, wheezing and slow moving steps combined with the creaking of metal. I looked up to see a room full of elderly folks.

I could feel the odd sensation of a broad smile working it's way across my face. I noticed crumbs of flesh falling to the floor. I must have looked like the Grinch when he had a "terribly awful idea". You see I realized , I who never smiles, was the YOUNGEST one in the room. I was so happy I could pee. In fact I think I did which didn't seem to be a problem 'cause several others in the room had already done so.

After about twenty minutes an exotic and unusual looking man, (I think it was a man) entered the room and made an announcement. It seemed no one could understand what he was saying. It sounded like Swahili or pig Latin. I surmised that he was calling his next victim. A phone call was made and about two hours later an interpreter from the UN arrived. We all watched their hushed discussion. The interpreter made his way over to where I was seated and said; Your next.

To make an already long (but very interesting) story longer, I was escorted by a very large woman (also known as a "biggin") towards a room that was all the way down at the end of a dimly lit corridor. As we walked along I heard a strange rubbing noise. I couldn't figure out where it was coming from until I smelled the smoke and looked down. The woman's thighs were rubbing together as she walked and a small fire had started. She didn't seem too concerned as she drank from a water fountain and then preceded to spit the water on the fire. I'm guessing this is a fairly regular occurrence.

She then practically body slammed me onto the table I noticed she had very hairy forearms, bordering on furry. I must admit I was a bit intimidated that she had more hair on her upper extremities than I did. I think I actually felt a little resentment towards her. On one of her arms the hair was parted. I guess this was some new style. Actually it was braided in a few places. Perhaps she'd recently visited Jamaica. After strapping me down she left the room. I was quite relieved. As much as I love to be strapped down by a woman on occasion, this was the one particular woman whose Mercy I did not want to be at. Maybe she has a cute daughter. I'll have to look into that later.

The man who had made the earlier announcement in a strange martian dialect arrived at the door. He smiled a lot. It made me nervous although I'm glad he liked his job. He went up to the machine. He pushed this. He turned that, still smiling mind you as he guided my body by remote into the cylinder of doom, I was swallowed up to my waist. Is this how Quinn felt in Jaws? Mr. smiles then promptly left the room. What the?................Isn't he supposed to say something like this isn't gonna hurt or this is gonna hurt a hell of a lot? Don't move? Anything at all?! He came back and put some plugs in my ears. He began talking, but now I couldn't hear what the SOB was saying. He NEVER stopped smiling! He left again, closing the door behind him. Suddenly the lights dimmed. At that point the only thing that came to mind was,............ Oh no.

I tried to calm myself as I felt the first beads of sweat on my upper lip and forehead. These things aren't supposed to hurt, right? Flat on my back and strapped to a table like Frankensteins monster there wasn't much I could do but look up or close my eyes. Looking up I saw that they had installed a sky scene with clouds and $h!t that was illuminated from behind. Was this supposed to make me feel better? Calmer? Less stressed? Then I began to feel this steady thumping pulse. Much like a bad dance club, or one of those cars with a stereo that has the bass pumped up so loud it causes the whole house, and maybe the neighborhood, to shake like Godzilla two steppin' through Tokyo.

I tried to stay as still as I could because if I effed up, I'd have to do it all over again. Even through ear plugs I could hear horrible, terrible noises that I'll attempt to explain. At first it was kinda cool because the sound and vibrations reminded me of the scene at the end of Close Encounters when the mother ship stops by to gas up and take a pee break. But then the thing began to make artillery sounding noises like cannons and machine gun fire. Was I at war in NJ?

As I lay there with my eyes closed, I imagined I was aboard an alien space craft. I had been abducted because they were unable to find a better specimen with the limited time they had. I imagined they took my head and fused it with a woman's body. The one with the hairy arms, and thighs that spontaneously combusted. Replacing my mouth with Mr. Smiles smile. Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! Freud could have a field day with me. Irv already does. "It is what it is".

My biggest concern in all honesty was the constant vibration I felt in my crotch area. Now I normally wouldn't complain about such a thing, but it didn't feel good. It didn't feel right. Not that I'll ever have to use that part of my body, but you never know. Could happen. Just like pigs flying or monkey's flying out my @$$! Then it was over. They handed me copies of my x-rays, and sent me on my way. I didn't even get a toy or lollipop. Infidels! Actually, all in all, from wash to wax, it probably took about forty minutes. Now I have to make an appointment with my orthopedist. I should also probably get my fingers looked at as they're beginning to bleed. On top of that, I think I have carpel tunnel syndrome from all this typing, and your vision is probably blurry from all the reading. Perhaps you didn't even make it this far, and then you wouldn't even be reading what I'm typing at this moment. Aw crap on a stick!

-THE END-

PS- Have a nice, waaaaaaait for it................................Weekend

Hooray For Me!

I took the day off tomorrow!

$H!T, I've got an M.R.I.

"Mr. Crank"

Cranky all day.
Cranky all night.

Everything's wrong.
Nothing is right.

He bitches and moans all day long.
Belting out his cranky song.

There's no one around and nothing to do.
He sits alone crying, oh boo-hoo-hoo!

Along comes a girl, with smiles so sweet.
sweeping Mr. Cranky right off his feet.

Now Mr. Cranky's so happy and glad.
Instead of gloomy, angry, and sad.

It's true polar opposites can fit like a glove.
Mr. Cranky and Miss Sunshine had fallen in love.

-CLW
All rights reserved

In My Life............................

Heard this on the radio today. Do people still listen to the radio?

There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed.
Some forever, not for better.
Some have gone and some remain.

All these places had their moments,
With lovers and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living.
In my life, I've loved them all.

But of all these friends and lovers,
there is no one compared with you,
And these memories lose their meaning,
When I think of love as something new.

(Chorus)
Though I know I'll never lose affection,
For people and things that went before.
I know I'll often stop and think about them.
In my life I love you more.

(Repeat chorus)

In my life I love you more.





I wish I wrote that, but I didn't. I think some guy from England named John something or other did. A long time ago he was in some band with a dumb name. I think it had to do with a type of insect. I don't think the song charted, and from what I recall the band never really took off, breaking up after one or two albums, or was it Cd's

Life on Mars

I tend to stay away from "cop shows", however I do enjoy "real life" procedural shows such as The Next 48 Hours, and forensic science type shows. I'm fascinated in the ways that law enforcement can solve crimes outside the norm.

I've been reading about a new ABC TV series; Life on Mars that debuts tonight. It's been receiving some positive reviews. Apparently the premise is a police detective is struck by a car (sounds dumb & contrived) and arrives very confused in NYC circa 1973. This show is based is on a British TV series that was short lived.

It's got a good cast. Harvey Keitel (AA winner?), Gretchen Mol and Michael Imperioli. The latter of Soprano's fame. I think I'm the only one that wasn't a fan of that show. So wack me. I'm not familiar with the rest of the cast, including the lead actor. I understand the locations, as well as the costumes etc. are convincingly accurate much like Mad Men which is in it's second season. Of course if you were not yet born, nor lived in NYC in that time period it all becomes moot. And that's a word I really dislike, but I included it to torture myself.

The confused detective, thrust back in time, is apparently stupefied and frustrated that there are no cell phones, computers, or current technology of any kind. Sounds very interesting and entertaining. Of course due to my non TV watching habits, it looks like it'll be about a year before it's released on DVD. Then again, if it's a good show, it may not even make it through it's first season.

If anyone (ANYONE at all) is reading this and has seen the show, please leave a comment about it. Thanks. I'll be 10-8 HQ's!

Morning, Just Morning- Not Good- Not Bad

While looking at the broken mirror at work, contemplating another 500 years of bad luck, I noticed my (famous to myself) "CVS Incident" injury has not fully healed. Maybe It'll leave a scar. I heard chicks dig scars, don't they? What about emotional scars. Got plenty of 'em. I can turn myself inside out and show you if you'd like. It would be gross, but kinda cool.

To learn about the famous/infamous CVS Incident", you'll have to scroll way down on my blog and click on the thingy that says (I think) older posts. Or you can just leave.

GOOD DAY SIR!

horrorscopes

Do you believe them? Do you live by them? Are you obsessed with them? I have to admit, many years ago I gave very little credence to horoscopes and astrological signs in general. Then I began to read books in relation to my sign, which is Virgo (9/17).

For the most part, personality wise, the information was dead on. I seemed to fit the classic Virgo profile. I even got a tattoo and a t-shirt to prove it. There's many positive facets to the sign, however like anything else I guess, some facets not so good. I'm not going to hash it out here in my precious valuable blog. If your a Virgo you'll understand. If your not, and have nothing better to do, feel free to conduct a important classified scientific investigation on your own time. Time is money people!

Horoscopes can make you a little crazy if you let them. I found that in each publication I read, my 'scope was usually always different. Which one was correct? Which one should I go by? I'm sure most people find the one that suits them and that's the one they choose to accept.

I find if you read it at the beginning of your day, chances are whatever is written will become a self fulfilled prophecy for your day. I feel it's more interesting to wait until the end of the day before consulting the mystical and all knowing news print, or magazine to see how accurate it was. But honestly those of us so entertained by it want instant gratification and want it yesterday!

OK. Astrological rant over.

And go with it.......................

The Infamous Halloween Kabosh

No it's not a secret holiday recipe or family tradition.

It's my Halloween party NOT happening. Can you hear it? It sounds like nothing! It looked promising that we could use the downstairs board room to conduct our devious Halloween party shenanigans, however one year later, the result was the same. NO!

You see, Mr. Ralph, my friend who happens to also be my landlord, once again brought the idea before the powers that be who promptly and without any sense of morality or decorum vetoed my party plans. They did this last year as well. What location cooler and creepier to hold a Halloween shindig but a cemetery. Well this year I was under the false impression that since it would be held downstairs, as opposed to outback, he could give the yea or nay. But oh no. The man with two first names did the proper thing, and through the proper channels, causing all my Ocktober (German?) hopes to become null and void.

I suppose it's probably for the best. Ask Miss Wolters. Actually, I rescind that, don't ask Miss Wolters. She knows why and you don't want to. On top of that disappointment, I had hopped that my band (P.O.G.) would debut at a friends party. We haven't played any gigs yet, only with ourselves. Oops. That certainly did not sound right. Regardless, my "friend" felt it would be too loud. Apparently most of her friends are "Chatty Cathie's" and she didn't want them to transform into "loud talkers". Slightly less offensive then (or than?) the dreaded "close talkers". Especially if suffering from acute halitosis!

So now I ponder my potentially non horrifying Halloween future. What to do. What to do.

BIZZARO!

"THE LITTLE MUFFIN WHO COULDN'T"

MacMuffin was sad.
He felt crumby all day.

His toppings kept falling,
and got in the way.

His icing was dripping,
because of the heat.

He could not move
'cause he didn't have feet.

No one to eat him,
all alone on the shelf.

Without hesitation,
he ate himself.

*BURP*

-CLW
All rights reserved

Good Morning?

I got nothin' yet. Stay tuned for possibly MORE nothin'.

I think I've got waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on my hands.

The Worlds Most Perfect Food

PIZZA!

I love it! It's even fun to say. Say it with me won't you? Say it loud. Say it proud. P-I-Z-Z-A!

I consume it far too often. Eating far too much.
I'm still searching for the perfect pizza and hope to learn of it's existence before my time on this planet is at hand. Can someone please tell me what the phrase "at hand" means? I was just tryin' to be fancy. I've gotten close, however I'm convinced that it's out there Waiting. Teasing me. Daring me. Beckoning me; come hither forward to be devoured. I can taste it. How it taunts me. I hear it calling to me. A faint echo from the deep reassesses of my mind. If you listen carefully you can hear it. Eeeeeeeeeeeeat me. Eeeeeeet me. EAT ME! My soul is in torment. My mouth is in torment. My stomach is in torment! Pizza is my Achilles heel.

Hey, it contains most of the major food groups. I'm rationalizing to cope. I'm making excuses. I'm in denial aren't I. I'm the perfect candidate for that "reality" TV show; Intervention. Why did I post this? I had some for lunch. One slice only Ms. W. It was white pizza with tomatoes and broccoli. Broccoli and cheese. possibly the two most dangerous combinations for the dairy impaired. Is that PC? I'm not saying I am. I'm saying; don't light a match, open all windows, and flee to thine nearest hills! Really, I'm not talking about me.

Oh, and I eat some other stuff too.

TV on DVD

Last night I finally finished season 1 of Saving Grace starring academy award winner Holly Hunter. I had herd good things about it. It's about a female cop who drinks too much, smokes too much, and sleeps with almost any man that's equipped with a wenis. It also has a slight supernatural/religious element in the form of a hillbilly angel named Earl who's apparent task is to guide her, and I assume resolve her negative issues with God. His motivations in season 1 aren't completely clear.

Ms. Hunter is a fine actress, actor, whatever, but she wasn't enough to keep me interested, although the best parts of the season were the scenes that focused on the relationship she has with Earl, and the train wreak of her life. As petty as it may sound, one of my biggest problems with the show is that when Ms. Hunter speaks, she has an annoying drawl, not to mention she speaks out of the corner of her mouth. It makes me absolutely furious! Well, not really, however I find it quite grating. Much like fingernails on a chalkboard or metal utensils constantly clinking against teeth. The show is by no means terrible, but it will not be added to my DVD collection. In fact, it's up for sale if your interested. Cheap!

Tonight I will contemplate beginning season 3 of My Name is Earl, in what up to now has been a pretty consistently enjoyable show, or How I Met Your Mother season 3 which I picked up today. Decisions, decisions.

Most importantly, even before I make this life altering decision, a masseuse will be arriving at 7pm to attend to my aching Adonis body. I used to treat myself somewhat regularly to a massage. I haven't had one in many months. I'm pretty sure it will be finished up with an "unhappy ending". In fact I know it will. She's actually a good person and a great masseuse. Hey, I deserve it. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!

Todays (Change in) Forecast

Cranky! Followed by furious front moving in from the North East. There's an 85% chance of a $h!t storm with possible combination of hot air complaining. Due to the expected severity of hurricane Wolfe, expect local flooding. Stay tuned to this blog for periodic updates.

To quote Charles Brown, AKA Charlie to his close friends, or Chuck To Peppermint Patty; "AAUGH!"



NOTE- VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE:
10/08/08 08:48hrs. Originally I thought it was "UUUGGGHH", however after watching a Peanuts special on TV I stand and occasionally sit corrected, (see above). This has been a public service announcement to myself.

Somethings VERY Wrong!

Good morning one and none.

I woke up today feeling somewhat positive and glad to have done so. WTF! I must be going through some major, yet strange and wonderful life change. Haven fore fend (as Steve likes to say- Shakespeare?).

I'm certainly not prepared for this, however I know it won't last and will be short lived. I'm an optimistic pessimist after all. It's a beautiful day, but I expect rain!

On the other hand, I may have forgot to mention that my immediate supervisor is off ALL week! Hooray! Huzzah!, and all that $h!t.

Nice guy, but occasionally a HUGE pain in the @$$ to work for. I'm trying to swear less for the kiddies sake. Of course I'm being very brave to hide behind my semi anonymous blog of which he is totally unaware exists!

OK, back to doing nothing! Where's that coffee and newspaper? Ah, ain't dis da life!

Ruminations, Reflections, and Reminiscing of a Weekend

Ah. Monday, Monday. (Not) so good to me. To bastardise and butcher the Mamas and the Papas.

What did you do? I myself, can not recall through the alcoholic beverage and drug fueled haze. I only woke up because my next door neighbors kid who hates me, ("accidentally") threw a rock through my bedroom window. After the initial shock of that wore off, I noticed there was a body on the other side of my (king size) bed. It was completely covered up so I was unable to detect the identity or even the sex of this person.

My first thought was; PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE A MAN! My second thought was; PLEASE BE ALIVE! I recall going to bed alone, however I occasionally leave my front door unlocked, so who knows who may have stumbled in and passed out. I very slowly and carefully got out of bed and made my way over to where this person lay. I leaned over and heard faint breathing. That's a good sign, I thought. All of a sudden I heard a chewing sound coming from the corner of the room. The blinds were lowered so the corner was dark and I couldn't see much. I didn't want to raise the blinds for fear of waking whatever or whomever was in my bed. I grabbed the bat that I keep under my bed for protection, or for the only way I can get lucky, and flicked on the light switch. The room was suddenly bathed in a bright light. I rubbed my eyes several times because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There in the corner was a goat eating one of my dirty socks. Suddenly, the thing in my bed quickly sat up, and as the sheets fell away I could see that it's........................................










GOT YA didn't I? You've been officially had! Uh oh, paybacks are a bitch. I'd better be careful. So what did I really do? I'm sure after that you don't even care, but I'll tell you anyway because I'm a soft touch.

Friday night consisted of DVDs, pajamas, and Chinese food. Not necessarily in that order. A mysterious stranger briefly stopped by to kill time before the party that I wasn't invited to started.

Saturday was full of merry mirth. I slept a little late. Alone. Again. Ran some errands and I met the mysterious stranger at the diner for a brunch type thing. I then tended to some tedious crap, followed by some more tedious crap, ending up at the Cross Roads to watch my friends band (Brother Eye) perform. They were very good. They even played two cool covers. Purple Rain (Prince) and Jet (Wings) which I didn't see coming. Unfortunately they were scheduled to go on way too early. I've played with most of the guys in the band, in other bands. They're a cool bunch 'O fellows. I drank too much (for me) which is NOT a lot. I'm a lightweight. Went home, put my jams upside down, as well as inside out, and slept in the tub which I thought was my bed until I accidentally turned on the faucet. Talk about wet dreams!

Which brings us to Sunday, my favorite day of the week, Except for the dark and dreary thoughts of work the next day. I lay around like a three toed sloth and read the good parts of the newspaper. I lay around some more, just because I'm a trouble maker and rebel until I became hungry. I took a scenic ride into town and ate a late breakfast at "The Treat". I then spent the rest of the day on the crapper! Speaking of that, I actually did some crap and then went out with my friend Bob (Brother Eye drummer) to Sam Ash to look at drum stuff. I then dragged him to Target, which I love and apparently he hates, finally finishing up at Good Will, where I can dump off my unwanted crap and they'll get rid of it for me. Boy, This post is sure full of a lot of crap. Now I'm at work typing this crap, and will soon make the long journey (1 mile) home to prepare my evening ritual, which usually consists of bourbon and Doritos followed by a hot stone massage by my personal geisha girl and a oil of olay facial. Then it's directly to bed, unless the girls stop by for one of their unannounced surprise visits. They tend to be selfish and forget I need my beauty sleep. Lot's of it!



Good night and good luck.

Thank You For Your Support

It appears I have two (somewhat) loyal blog readers. There may actually be more, but these two are the ONLY ones to take their valuable time to leave me comments. It means a lot to me. I realize I'm blogging mostly for myself, but it's nice to know there are others out there who appreciate my intelligent, witty, and amazingly creative writing, despite my rambunctious grammar and spelling errors. Of these two fine ladies, one I know very well, and the other is my new imaginary friend who I'm kinda, but not really, getting to know. At least cyberly. Props to all two of you.

Me thinks I shall name them "The Blogettes".

The checks are in the mail.

Here I Sit

Why? It's exactly 5pm (off the clock at 4:30) my time and I'm still sitting in the "Ice Box". The Ice Box would be my office. Named by the BIG boss because this is the room where they keep all the BIG computer servers 'N stuff. I was told the room has to be kept cool otherwise all the nuclear circuits would blow, and that would be a bad thing I guess. The boss actually programed the phone in here so anyone I call with caller ID would see "Ice Box" displayed. I wonder how the mayor feels about that.

However I think they lied about needing it so cold in here. They're trying to freeze me out. Well I say BRING IT! I prefer it cold to go with my soul and the revenge I will one day be serving.
AH-AH-AH!

I'd like to wish my two, maybe three if I stretch it, blog readers a very nice weekend. I'll post some more if something exciting or noteworthy happens, or if I become clever enough to make up some outlandish and improbable shit. Say good night Gracie.

Do You Know What Today Is?

Waaaaait for it..................................................................








It's Friday! Do you know what that means? Not much actually, however It's the fifth day of the week and the day before the weekend, also known as Saturday and Sunday, which are two days before Monday, unless you put Friday back into the equation, then it's Three days before Monday. Is that a run on sentence? One last thing to wrap this up. Today, Friday, is eight days before next Friday. Did I mention that already?

OK, I'm sorry. I'm bored at work, and avoiding any actual work I'm allegedly supposed to be doing. This is all too silly. I got nothin'! I just wanted to make sure I had something to post for post's sake for crap's sake. I'll try to do better next time.

Uh-oh. Think I hear my boss whistling down the hall. As annoying as it is to me, I ALWAYS appreciate the warning, so I can pull my pants up and turn the lights back on.

Unaware

According to the AP in my local paper, The AIDS virus has been circulating among people for about 100 years, decades longer than scientists had thought, a new study suggests.

I dislike the word "suggests" in news articles I believe to be allegedly factual. Whatever.

The article goes on to state; Genetic analysis pushes the estimated origin of HIV back to between 1884 and 1908. Previously, scientists had estimated the origin at around 1930. AIDS wasn't formally recognised until 1981.

That is the year I first remember hearing about it. That's also the year I (Yikes!) graduated high school!


Sadly, several years ago, I lost a very close friend, Marcello, to the HIV virus. It's funny and not in a HA-HA way, because I NEVER thought I'd directly know anyone who would contract or succumb to AIDS. I learned from my ignorance. I miss him. He was a GREAT guy.

Breakfast of Champions!

This morning I went out to pick up my usual at "The Treat". The usual, usually consisting of a pot of coffee and some form of carb type food. A buttered, bagel or croissant, depending on my mood. CARBS-CARBS-CARBS! How many WW points Ren? Wait. Don't tell me. I don't want to know.

I exited my bomb shelter, (cinder block office with no windows) emerging into the blinding sunlight of the real world. And guess what? It was cool and crisp! Bordering on cold.

I LOVE IT! Fall is here. Bring it on baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

About Last Night...................................

No. Didn't get lucky. Just wondering if anyone saw last nights season premiere of Pushing Daisies. Reviews? thoughts?

Anyone? Someone? Something?

Let The Countdown Commence!

5-4-3-2-1!

As most of you are aware, today is October 1st. Commonly known as the 1st of October. There is GREAT anticipation for the last day of the month. All Hallows Eve, or Halloween! Especially for my friend Robert. Known to those close to him as Bob, or Lois.

Thirty one days and counting my friend!

Blisters!

Me and da boys got together last night for rehearsal. We usually get together on Thursday nights. Whatever. We were a little rusty, as it had been over a week since we last practiced. I think it went pretty well. I still marvel at the fact that we fit four guys, two with guitars, one with a bass, and me with my drum kit together in one small living room. We're becoming very close.

The last several practices I've been playing so hard that I've been developing blisters on my hands which pop and hurt. Yuck! I'm also developing calluses on my hands, and not from the usual ways. I've taken to wearing band-aids on my fingers to prevent further injury. Wow. "Band"-aids. I just got that one. Look at me with my unintentional funny!

I spoke to a former band geek drummer. She told me; I'm most likely holding my sticks too tightly. Hey that's kinda personal! What I do with my sticks is my business. Besides, it's in the privacy of my own home. OK, I'm sorry. Got a little carried away with the double entendre's. Let me have it. It's all I have these days for crap sakes!

I was supposed to rehearse tonight with another guy I used to play in a band with. He's trying to get a band together again. He's a solo artist. we'd be the backing band. It would be cool if it happens. I just wonder if I can pull off playing in two bands. We'll see. It would be a nice mix as one band is mostly covers, and the other would be original rock tunes.

Getting back to blisters, once again I found my head composing a little ditty without my consent. And it goes like this............


"THE TWINS DILEMMA"

Norma pimpleheimer found that she had a blister.
In exactly the same place as her lovely twin sister.

Growing larger each day, they sought some help.
Under a doctors exam they let out a yelp.

He said I can fix this, that's just what I'll do.
I have a big pin and It's shiny and new.

He had each one bend over for a much better look.
The sisters grew nervous. they wiggled and shook.

As he began the procedure the lights flickered out.
There was yelling and screaming, and even a shout!

The lights came back on and it could have been worse.
Instead of the sisters the doc stuck the nurse.

-CLW
All rights reserved