MAYDAY-MAYDAY! We're Goin' Down!

The holidays are quickly descending upon us! That means a few parties and appropriately themed events. That means dates. In my case, most likely alone. Last year, absolutely no problem. I had an affable and lovely companion to accompany me to all the holiday shin digs. She even waived compensation! This year I may have to resort to an escort service. I never thought it would come to this. Perhaps due to the downturn of the economy, They'll be offering a substantial discount to approved applicants not currently wanted by law enforcement of third world nations.

Next week, the day after my thankful giving or more appropriately taking, I'm scheduled to attend my eldest brothers birthday bash. The last family event went swimmingly (without drowning) thanks to my underage escort. Thank God she had amazingly convincing fraudulent ID! After that, it's my best friends bash at his business, followed by a Christmas party held at a swanky nearby country club for two hours. That's all they could afford. This presented by the cemetery board. I'm aware it sounds a bit morbid, but surprisingly they put on a good spread. Last years was a good time all the way around despite the bathroom incident with the high heels and Batman Underoos. I won't get into it. Check You Tube.

I'm sure they'll be one or two others I'll be invited to if I bring my own food and beverages. Sadly, It won't be the same this year. On the upside, I have cast my lines and nets unto the holy waters of Babylon. We'll see if I can catch any fish. The bait these day is questionable.