Irrational Rants & Raves!

The ECONOMY-
They say people aren't spending, finally admitting something we already knew for over a year- we're in a recession, hopefully not heading for a depression part II. If this is indeed true, can someone-anyone, tell me why the nearby mall, with anchor stores like Target and Walmart, was JAMMED-PACKED with people and cars?! I actually got stuck in traffic a few times. You'd think it was Christmas! Where were all these cars and people going if they weren't spending any money?! I sure was!

ARTISAN THIS/ARTISAN THAT-
When did this word become such a fancy catch phrase? Much like the word couture (which also makes me furious!), these words are thrown around so often they've become meaningless- at least to me. What happened to the days when big, important words like that really stood for something. When words like that were softly spoken by the rich and elite! For example, I stopped by Panera to enjoy a bowl of my favorite soup- creamy tomato. Every where you looked they're touting their amazingly crafted ARTISAN breads. I'm sorry and mean no disrespect, but in most of the Panera's I've been to I've never seen a single artisan chef. Do they hide them in the back? Do they only secretly work overnight? Have you seen the people that work there? I know for a fact their soup comes out of a BIG clear plastic bag, that looks like a colostomy bag (sorry), and yes, I eat it anyway.

PROUD PARENT BUMPER STICKERS-
Almost everywhere I look, I see cars that have these plastered all over. Kids can be great (rarely & occasionally). I'm GLAD you love your kid. I'm GLAD your so proud of your amazing kids amazing academic achievements, but read my lips- I DON'T CARE! Sometimes I get so FURIOUS and filled with rage, that in my minds eye I see myself in my Mad Max cruiser ramming them off the road to massive cheers and applause coming from only me I suppose. I was an academic underachiever and my parents never touted it on bumper stickers and T-shirts. They didn't care, and suspected no one else did either. Wise people.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST-
Machinery with sensors, such as toilets, sinks, and in my case water fountains! I stopped by work (where I rarely actually work) today to take care of a few things, when I found myself a bit thirsty. I walked down the hallway to the money saving sensor water fountain, standing in front of it anticipating the refreshing dispensing of H20. It came- it went- it came-it went. I thought I was on Candid Camera. EVERY TIME I got close enough to drink, the damn thing shut off. All I could think of was someone was sitting somewhere controlling the damn thing and laughing hysterically at MY expense. Either that, or the water gnome inside was tired and could barely pump it out. Perhaps it had become a sentient being like Hal in 2001 a Space Odyssey, and was just trying to figure out how to work itself. I just don't know. I'm so very tired now.

I think I'm done (for the moment). I think I'm just a little cranky.

"BA-DA-DA-DA SNAP SNAP!"

I occasionally enjoy a good Broadway show. It's a toss-up between musicals and dramas. Today I read in the paper that they're planning on bringing the Addams Family to Broadway. Before you roll your eyes and think- Keyriest!, not another play based on a TV show or film!

It actually sounds kinda cool as Addams' estate will only allow the play to be based on his famous New Yorker Magazine cartoon panels, but NOT the TV show or movie. It appears that Nathan Lane is up for the part of Gomez, while Bebe Neuwirth is up for the part of Morticia. I'm cautiously excited. Besides, the creator, Charles Addams was raised in MY hometown, which as far as towns are concerned is creepy and kooky, as well as occasionally mysterious and spooky- but not all together ooky!

Goodbye Mr. Updike

Pulitzer-winning author John Updike died Tuesday at his home in Massachusetts of lung cancer. He was 76 at the time of his passing.

"Requiem"

It came to me the other day:
Were I to die, no one would say,
"Oh, what a shame! So young, so full of promise- depths unplumbable!
Instead, a shrug and tearless eyes will greet my overdue demise;
The wide response will be, I know, "I thought he died a while ago."
For life's a shabby subterfuge, and death is real, and dark, and huge.
The shock of it will register nowhere but where it will occur.

- J. Updike
from his yet to be published (Knopf) collection, "Endpoint".

WOW! May you rest in well deserved peace sir.

WEIRD but TRUE!

You could call it a premonition!
A Utah man who slammed his car into a cinder-block wall and then fled from police had the following license plate affixed to his vehicle- "CHASNME"!


Laurel and Hardy have got nothing on these two.
Two handcuffed prisoners in New Zealand were foiled in an escape bid when they ran around opposite sides of a light pole, slamming into each other when the cuffs snapped them back.

They fell over and were promptly sprayed by police with pepper spray!


And as a nod to my home state, A New Jersey man had been stealing newspapers for years from people's mailboxes, delivering them to other people, and pocketing the ca$h each month, causing a bit of a headache as he stiffed the Express Times of Easton PA of the cover price.

And there you have it. Weirrrrrrrrd but Truuuuuuue!

Pop The Cork & Pour The Champagne'

I just received an email from Blogger informing me that I was chosen as one of their TOP 50 most popular blogs!





...............................and then I woke up. What a dream! Is that drool on my keyboard?!

The Happy Waitress

We've begun prepping my 1st short film. I'm very excited! I hope to shoot it within a month if all goes well. The film is titled as above, and will probably be about six (?) minutes long. As I'm sure your aware, the "happy waitress" is generally a sandwich found in most diners, at least 'round these parts. It's usually served by a waitress in the opposite mood. The sandwich (in the film) is kinda an analogy for love..............for now. That can always change. I'm hoping for a slightly quirky (like me) romantic comedy vibe. A play on words if you will or if you won't. I'll let you know more as things (hopefully) progress.

Wardrobe get over here! Can't you see she's got a tear in her apron?!

WEIRD but TRUE

A 24-year-old Michigan man broke into a gas station- and then called 911 to turn himself in. He told cops he wanted to be reunited with his brother who was in jail. I guess it's true, sometimes blood is thicker than intelligence!

In other news of the bizarre, a Florida firefighter was arrested after she stole a severed foot from the scene of a motor vehicle accident. She claimed she needed it to train her cadaver sniffing canine.

The woman who promise to TOE the line, was charged only with misdemeanor theft, as officials were unable to put a monetary value on a body part. Apparently this woman really stepped in it this time.

Bleaker Days- Part II

New information has emerged about the man who slaughtered his family, and then took his own life.

Apparently the Los Angeles father was awash in debt and was planning to leave California. Mr. Lupoe was at least a month behind on his mortgage, owed at least $15,000 to the IRS and thousands more on a home-equity line of credit. He, along with his wife were fired after apparently understating their income to qualify for cheaper childcare, a LA police detective said.

In a letter faxed to LA's KABC-TV, Lupoe said, "My wife felt it better to end our lives, and why leave our children in someone else's hands?"

So just kill everyone to solve your problems?! I know it's not that simple, nothing like this usually is. It appears he and his wife were not quite innocent victims, although his children clearly were. Just a terrible, terrible tragedy all around.

I fear this blog is become a source of news that people are probably already aware of. Eh, well. It kills time and fills up empty blog space.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Albeit late. The Chinese New Year began on January 26, 2009. According to their calendar I am a "Rabbit" (1963). It is written that rabbits are ambitious (rarely), articulate (occasionally), and talented (always!), but may be reserved and conservative (only initially-then watch out!).

I don't consider myself to be a rabbit- especially at this stage of my life. I prefer to be a Wolf-E! Well, I suppose I'd better hop back to work (what's that?!).

The Bitter Economy

As the economy worsens, it seems people are cutting back on unnecessary frivolous daily purchases. Simple things once basically taken for granted are being reconsidered; such as eating out, going to the movies, and apparently even coffee.

Starbucks announced they will be shuttering close to 300 stores on top of their already planned 600 closures announced in July 2008. While I feel terrible (really) for the people who will be losing their jobs, I won't miss their apparently less available harsh, overpriced, and over hyped sludge they pass off as coffee. Remember, that's just this humble writers opinion, and in no way reflects the thoughts or views of the employees and management of Blog Spot.

I read yesterday that Starbucks will no longer be serving decaf coffee in the afternoon unless requested by a customer. Even then the customer is going to have to wait for a barista to brew up a fresh pot.

I'm grateful EVERYDAY for my job, even though I sometimes bitch about it here on FLAST. I'm truly blessed and am reminded of that EVERY TIME I read the paper, watch the news, or surf the WWW.

It seems these days, the best and most secure (if anything actually is) jobs to have would be cops and morticians. I've got the first one covered, and I live at the cemetery which is close to the second.

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out or OOPS!

As I mentioned in an earlier post, my immediate supervisor and I occasionally let off a little steam when and if we're getting along. Things such as trying to scare each other by jumping out of nowhere and screaming, along with other childish pranks that I'll never reveal, at least not on this blog.

The other day I brought a Nerf dart gun to work in hopes of ratcheting up the excitement factor. I bide my time all day waiting for the perfect time to strike. He was sitting in his cubicle, and had just finished speaking to one of my Captains when I leaned over the top, took careful aim, and........................shot him in the eye! Oh crap. A silly harmless prank had suddenly gone awry!

The Captain rolled his eyes muttering something incomprehensible under his breath then quickly walked away. My lieutenant on the other hand grabbed his eye, as his face became beet red. In all honesty, this happens quite often as he's of strong Scottish heritage.

I apologized profusely, but it was clear the only conversation he wished to have entailed screaming and profanities! Sadly, factoring in my occupation, my aim should have been much more precise. I was actually aiming for his crotch- please don't read into that. He's constantly bitching that because he's married he doesn't use it anyway. At the time I thought it to be my best option as a target- certainly NOT his eyeball! If there was one positive to all this it was that he was leaving for the day, so I wouldn't have to spend the day hiding.

After brief consideration, I deemed it best to surrender my firearm. I left it on his desk with a note apologizing for my poor taste of action and that I would turn over my instrument of doom as I felt I may be a danger to myself and others. In the morning of the next day, as soon as I arrived at work, I went directly to see him to once again apologise for my inappropriate behavior.

As I approached him, his back was facing me. I addressed him, and he spun around in his chair to face me..............wearing an eye patch?! Oh $h!t! He said he had gone to the hospital where the doctor decided they would schedule surgery for the following week. He added that he may not ever see out of it again.

Fearing retribution like job loss or law suits, I tried to ease his troubled mind with kind words. I told him chicks dig guys with eye patches. I don't think that went over too well. I then followed that up with pirates are still hip, and that he could work the whole Johnny Depp angle. I told him Mr. Depp is VERY popular with the ladies! I tried to back peddle a bit and told him could be a pirate for Halloween (every year!) and he wouldn't even need a costume.

He looked a little angry as he was getting up from his chair so I thought it best to quickly expedite myself from the room. While avoiding him for most of the day, I later realized the best way to return to his good graces would be to buy him a gift, so after work I'm gonna go to the nearest pet shop and buy him a parrot to sit on his shoulder to keep him company. Yeah, that should do it! Everything will be fine.

Help I'm Drowning!

I can't believe it! Now a co-worker tells me I was sorely misinformed about the two teams playing in Sundays Super Bowl. He told me 3 teams will actually be playing. The NJ Devils- the NY Nets- and the Red Sox! I can't believe how easily I was deceived! My co-worker then explained that because a third team is playing, I'll have to pony up another $100.00?! He said if I gave it to him, that's more money I could win, and he'd find the other guy who took my cool $500.00 and straighten everything out.

I appreciate his help. I was beginning to get a little stressed and worried. I feel much better now, and strongly believe I'm gonna win this Super Bowl pool! In fact, I can feel it in the groin area. Go Jets!

Gone Swimin'!

This Sunday's the BIG day for sports fans- specifically football fans. Obviously I'm talkin' 'bout the Super Bowl (Go Jets!). I myself am not such a big sports fan of any kind, but if I had to pick a sport, football would be first, closely followed by volleyball. As far as bowls are concerned, I'd much prefer a cereal bowl chock full o' sugary goodness!

This particular event is a gamblers dream, however I usually don't indulge my vices when it comes to illicit gambling. My vices have always been coffee and the wrong kind of woman! Occasionally I'll indulge myself in a lottery ticket or two, or four, when the stakes are high and I'm feelin' low.

At work I was approached by a shady employee who wanted to know "if I wanted in" to their Super Bowl pool. I have a fear of drowning, but he persisted and waved (get it?- it's not funny if I have to explain) lots of ca$h in my face. Times are tough, so I eventually caved. I asked how much to throw in. He said $500 big ones. I said, "how much really?" He responded in part, $500 smackers.

As I had recently been paid, and only carry big bills to flash to impress the ladies, I slowly peeled five, one hundred dollar bills off my roll. Feeling a bit stupid and naive, I actually had to ask who was playing as I haven't really been following the teams. He informed me that it was the Yankees vs. the Steelers. Being a Tri-State area guy, I hadda go with the Yanks. I handed over my rarely hard earned cash which he promptly pocketed and then walked away at a brisk pace. Whatever, he probably had to go to the bathroom.

So now I'm waitin' for Sunday, and feelin' the luck o' the Croatians. I feel good. I think I'm gonna win this one, and because my loyal readers have been so supportive of this blog, we're all gonna reap the benefits! If, no when, I win, I'll be takin' you all out for a steak (except you vegetarians) dinner. Hell, I'll even throw in some booze and dessert!

Come on, EVERYBODY in da pool! Swimwear required. Floaties available upon request.

Bleak Day-Bleaker Days

I awoke to about three to four inches of snow on the ground. As beautiful as the post card scene was, I don't care to drive in it. Not so much because of me, but primarily due to the skills or should I say lack thereof, of the other maniacs traversing the snowy and icy roadways. That's why I'm ecstatic that my daily work commute is one mile door to door.

As I arrived at work, the snow turned to icy rain, which began to make things a bit messy, as well as ruining the pretty post card scene. It's still sleeting as I type this. Cold, wet, bleak and gloomy. It's doing wonders for my mood today-growwl-gerrr!

Things turned much bleaker as I read the paper. I came across a tragic story of HORRIFIC proportions. I'm sure you've read, seen, or heard by now about the man in LA who shot and killed his 5 children and wife before turning the gun on himself. Ervin Antonio along with his wife Ana, had both recently lost their jobs as medical workers at an LA hospital.

Apparently Ervin became so uncharacteristically distraught, he saw no way out but to murder his family along with himself. His five beautiful, innocent children included two sets of twins.

Those that really know me, and they're few, know that I'm a pretty sensitive guy despite seemingly snarky and quite sarcastic on my blog. It's a curse/blessing from my mother. From her, I received the ability to somewhat easily empathise and sympathise even with those I do not know, like this family for instance. Reading the story while looking at the photographs, specifically of the children, brought me to tears. I'm glad no one walked in on me. There's NO crying in baseball or at HQ's!

About a month or two ago a man in my town, I think not much older than I, hung himself in his house while his young son was home. Apparently he took his own life due to terrible financial loss. How awful for his family. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of man his son will grow to be. I believe suicide to be the ultimate selfish act. Emotional scars rarely heal unlike the physical kind. We live in scary times. So much heartbreak and loss. More than I can ever recall seeing so far in my life. I never would have thought I would see things like this, and quite honestly it scares me.

In 1971 (I think it was) a man by the name of John List, who lived in town, shot and killed his mother, wife, two young sons, and a teenage daughter. He said it was because he was in effect, financially ruined. He also said he was afraid because of this and the times they lived in, so he took it upon himself to play God, killing his family in cold blood, "sending them to heaven". The huge irony being that the ceiling above the ballroom in his mansion was Tiffany glass, and would have basically, albeit temporarily, solved his financial woes. There is so much to this tragic, but interesting story. His wife and three children are buried in the cemetery where I live. Google his name. Be prepared for a lot of reading.

On a brighter note.................sadly I can't think of anything at the moment.

Strange but TRUE!

A 14-year-old Chicago kid- decked out in a police uniform- passed himself off as a cop before the long arm of the law caught up with him. The boy showed up at the precinct house, was teamed up with a real cop, and worked for five hours before Chicago's Finest realized something was amiss because his uniform was missing the CPD's star-shaped badge. Authority's half-hearted defence was the kid looked much older than his actual years. I think I've been working with a few of these guys for years!
What a cop out. Get it?!




A little girl (age unknown) in the Jharkhand region of India was married off to a stray puppy- the better to ward off evil spirits in her family, villagers believe. The pup, done up in in traditional garb, including a hooded headdress, can get a divorce when the girl grows up.
Now that's something to bark about!

OH BABY!

BELLFLOWER, CA-
It's a boy (x6) and a girl (x2).

A woman gave birth to eight babies in Southern California yesterday, the world's second live-born set of octuplets.

The babies were born nine months premature, but are in stable condition. They weigh between 1lb.8ozs., and 3lbs.4ozs.

Forty-six hospital staff and four delivery rooms were used for the births. Apparently the mother will have to use the handstand method to get around, for the foreseeable future! (I added that last snarky part!)

Quiet on the Set-Roll Film!

Things seem to be progressing nicely in the film business. The other day I saw some punk loitering around HQ's. I said, "Hey punk, feelin' lucky?" He said, "Why don't-cha choke on a stale donut copper".

I couldn't believe my ears! I grabbed the punk-now turned perp, and threw him hard against a wall, while reading him the riot act. Would you believe that little SOB had the nerve to then say, "I smell bacon!"

Actually I've seen this fine, upstanding young man (kid to me) around the building and recognized him as someone who works at the lame local TV station. I quizzed him about his knowledge of film and my new camcorder in particular. He told me they've been using the same model for some time now. SCORE!

We got together this past weekend and despite a gap in age, it seemed we both shared the same film sensibilities. Cool. He's young-he's hungry-he's gonna help me work on my stuff, and maybe some of his stuff soon. I'm cautiously excited as a Virgo should be.

I'm just tryin' to keep everything in focus! Again with the puns. I'm too much!

You Tube Noir

Get thee to You Tube post haste, and search for "The Bloody Olive". A '96 short film (subtitled) by Vincent Bal. I love "film noir", and this short has it in spades! Check it out, you won't be sorry. It's German I think? Yes, no, maybe? Wait, perhaps some strange French dialect?

This is the type (& quality) of film I'm hoping to make one day. I have absolutely no idea what the budget was. Regardless, whether you liked it or not, you can't deny it looks great!

PS- Stef, don't give me $h!t (there I go swearin' again) about not posting it here! Technology frightens me.

You CAN'T make this stuff up!

"Cops in Lagos, Nigeria, say they are holding a goat on charges of armed robbery- because people claim it's actually a man who turned himself into the animal.

A group of vigilantes came upon some men trying to break into a car, but when they gave chase all escaped- except the guy who transformed himself into the goat, cops were told.

Weird But True
NY POST

Is It Drafty In Here Or Is It Me?

Damn drafts!

Occasionally I'll save a post (or posts) as a draft when I don't have time (riiiiiight) to finish them. Sometimes I've forgotten that I've even written them. Unfortunately when I finish and post them, they show up on the blog waaaaaay down on the date when they were saved, which could have been years ago. Sadly they may be ignored, but that could also be intentional.

If your really bored, scroll down to see if you've missed any of the excitement.............................or not!

A Sporting Life

"I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failure."

Earl Warren, Chief Justice of the United States

(1891-1974)

Write or Wrong?

"If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing."- Kingsley Amis

I happen to think they're write!

Perhaps a Bit of Rockin', But Mostly Rollin'

Rehearsal went better than expected. Perhaps because it had been a bit over a month since the boys had jammed together. Who knows. We weren't as rusty as we expected. We're not exactly starting from square one, however we do need to learn more tunes if we're eventually gonna play out which I'm hankering to do. It's been too many years since I've heard the mighty roar and applause of the crowds. Actually it may have been boos. It's hard to hear over the music.

We apparently do have an actual gig scheduled for April playing in town at a lame outdoor festival known as the "spring fling". Marvelous! Actually, at this point a gigs a gig. I'd like to play out sooner. We'll see. It's a humbling experience to go from playing in front of hundreds to playing in front of.............................................................crickets and sage brush! ;^)

In other music matters, Springsteen has a new disc that streets on 01/27/09. I'm looking forward to it although I didn't really dig the title track. I'll cut him some slack 'cause he's a Jersey boy and a real down to earth good guy.

Wut The Feck?!

I've been swearing like a military truck driver, driving into a coal mine, all the while spittin' tobacco! It seems to be getting worse every year. I'm far from a puritan prude, but I'm not a big fan of it, although I realize it has it's place. Especially if you accidentally cut off a finger or two with a chainsaw!

I realize some of it comes from my work environment. Being surrounded by so much testosterone. Men whose primary form of communication is weaving a complex tapestry of profanity that keeps them warm. Another essential ingredient I'm sure, is a bit of anger. I wouldn't exactly call myself a hothead, but I tend to have a low patience threshold. Hey, if I wanted patience I woulda went to med school! I'll admit to being a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to swearing. I'm workin' on it.

Anyone out there in cyberland have any constructive advice? If not then Fark yew! Jus' kiddin'-Really!

LOOK AT ME!-Sorta

My bestest friend Bob (who may or may not be a squirrel) hooked me up with a abstract interpretation of me. He drew it MANY years ago and didn't actually intend it to be me, however it kinda looks like me playing my drums, but without the annoying noise! Bobs a damn good artist who owns and operates Square Mellon Communications in "Wastefield" NJ. He is currently standing by to serve ALL of your advertising needs!

It was decided this picture would be much more appropriate for anyone who came across my blog (intentionally or unintentionally). If a actual photograph of me were posted I would probably lose my blog follows, as well as alienate any future readers. Besides no one needs to see what I look like-it's much more mysterious that way. Kinda like The Wolf-e of the Opera, or in my case cemetery.

Speaking of cemeteries, if anyone's interested in viewing the grounds where I "live" (get it) Google, Fairview Cemetery NJ.

I'm not exactly sure what you'll find as I have not checked out the website. I'm not sure if it's even online. In fact, I'm not even sure if there's actually a website to peruse. It could be dead-Get it? Dead? cemetery? I amuse myself daily.

PS- I really like the pic of the drummer guy because he has hair. Hey Bob, could you bring that marker over here, I've got a job for ya!

The Tipy Top 5!...............or Sometimes 10 or more!

Top five/ten lists tend to be stupid, cliched, etc., but I don't care so you shouldn't either, but you'd better! It's actually kinda hard to do these lists as my tastes seem to change with my moods. Maybe I should have been born a woman. Nah, I'd be one ugly bitch!

OK, without further delay, here's some lists for you to peruse. The numbers are NOT in order of like/dislike. It is what it is.

TOP FIVE SONGS-Sorta

1) "You Can't Always Get What You Want"-Rolling Stones

2) "American Pie" & "Vincent"- Don McLean

3) "Born to Run"-Springsteen

4) "Sultans of Swing"-Dire Straits

5) "House of The Rising Sun"- The Animals

I'm sure There are MANY others that don't come to mind at the moment. These just happen to be five (well-6) songs I never get tired of listening to.

TOP (almost) TEN FAVORITE MUSICAL ARTISTS/GROUPS

1) Springsteen

2) Beatles

3) Tom Petty (with & without The Heartbreakers)

4) Stevie Ray Vaughan

5) James Taylor

6) Eagles

7) Fleetwood Mac (Nicks/Buckingham era)

8) The Black Crowes

9) The Who (after deaths "The Two")

10) The Rolling Stones (Mostly early stuff)

HONORABLE MENTIONS- Counting Crows, Gin Blossoms, Life House, STP, Jet, Nirvana, The Monkees, Foo Fighters, Better Than Ezra.

TOP TEN (or more) FILMS

1) The Sound of Music- it makes me happy OK?! Tell ANYONE & I'll..............................

2) It's a Wonderful Life

3) The Six Sense

4) The Big Chill

5) When Harry Met Sally

6) Ferris Bueller's Day Off

7) Halloween (original)

8) Beautiful Girls

9) Frankie & Johnny

10) Cast Away

11) Field of Dreams

12) So I married an Axe Murderer

13) Big

14) The Station Agent

15) Amelie

16) Somewhere in Time

17)Kiss Kiss-Bang Bang

18)Memento

19) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

20) The Shawshank Redemption

HONORABLE MENTIONS- Lethal Weapon, Truly-Madly-Deeply, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Matador, The Usual Suspects, Big Fish, Ed Wood, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Star Wars IV, Batman/Returns,Knight, Animal House, Grease (SHUT UP!), Witness, The Hours, In America, About Schmidt, As Good as it Gets, The Royal Tenebaums, Cocoon, The Silence of the Lambs, V for Vendetta, The Others, Oceans 11, Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

TOP TWENTY TELEVISON SHOWS

1) The X-FILES

2) Freeks & Geeks

3) WonderFalls

4) Ghost Hunters

5) A Haunting

6) The Office

7) How I met Your Mother

8) My Name is Earl

9) ED

10) The Family Guy

11) Grey's Anatomy

12) Titus

13) Dream On

14) That 70's Show (1st few seasons)

15) Six Feet Under

16) Sex and the City (shut up!)

17) Lost

18) The Little Rascals

19) ATHF

20) ?

TOP TEN CELEBRITY HOT CHICKS (OK, so this is totally shallow & sexist & purely for aesthetic reasons)

1) Kate Winslet

2) Gillian Anderson

3) Angelina Jolie

4) Heather Graham (I'm aware she can't act her way out of a paper bag-Doesn't matter!)

5) Siena Miller

6) Naomi Watts

7) Rose McGowen

8) Sharon Stone (Still hot at 80!)

9) Michelle Pfeiffer

10) Elizabeth Hurley

HONORABLE MENTIONS- Ellen Barkin, Dina Meyer, Ashley Scott. Added 02/09/09- Jennifer Connelly and Camilla Belle! Added 02/16/09- Lindsey Lohan and Julie Strain!-How could I forget these two?!

TOP TEN FOODS/MEALS

1) Pizza (of course!)

2) Peanut Butter (preferably Jif)

3) Chicken

4) Edamame

5) Cheese (especially goat)- I'm dairy intolerant which sucks! What do you mean you didn't want to know?!

6) Breakfast cereals

7) Dark Chocolate

8) Peas

9) Breakfast (specifically brunch)

10) Coffee

HONORABLE MENTIONS- OJ w/lots of pulp, Potato dishes, oatmeal, hummus, port wine, bloody Marys.

Well folks, there you have it. I wonder what these lists say about me? Check back in a day or two. These lists will most likely have completely changed or at least reversed themselves!

Fortunete Son

Tyler the cute willowy witchy girl leads me back behind the curtain. She gently draws it closed to keep away prying eyes. We sit down and stare deeply into each others eyes. Once we become comfortable, she slowly pulls out.......................a deck of tarot cards! What did you think I was gonna say?!Sickos!, the lot o' ya!

She had me cut the deck and she began to pull one card from the deck at a time, placing them on a table. As she did this, she explained what each card signified. There seemed to be no great revelations however there was quite a bit about change and possible (hopefully creative) collaborations. Hopefully that's in reference to my film work.

I noticed there were many cards displaying women with swords. Actually that didn't surprise me, still it did make me a bit nervous as I had thought that phase of my life was over and done with.

I don't recall too much more as I was mesmerized by her eyes which were hypnotically spinning around in her head. I also think she may spiked my water. Maybe not as I still had my wallet.

Actually Tyler is very sweet, spiritual, and intuitive young lady. Who knows perhaps one day she'll predict my upcoming fame and fortune!

The Nominees Are...

BEST PICTURE

-"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

-"Frost/Nixon"

-"Milk"

-"The Reader"

-"Slumdog Millionare"

*Prediction- "Slumdog Millionare"*

BEST DIRECTOR

-Danny Boyle, "Slumdog Millionare"

-David Fincher, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

-Ron Howard, "Frost/Nixon"

-Stephen Daldry, "The Reader"

-Gus Van Sant, "Milk"

*Prediction- Danny Boyle*

BEST ACTOR

Richard Jenkins, "The Visitor"

Frank Langella, "Frost/Nixon"

Sean Penn, "Milk"

Brad Pitt, "Benjamin Button"

Mickey Rourke, "The Wrestler"

*Prediction- Sean Penn or Mickey Rourke*

*Wish- Richard Jenkins*

BEST ACTRESS

Anne Hathaway (Jersey girl), "Rachel Getting Married"

Angelina Jolie, "Changeling"

Melissa Leo, "Frozen River"

Meryl Streep, "Doubt"

Kate Winslet, "The Reader"

*Prediction- Meryl Streep or Kate Winslet*

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Josh Brolin, "Milk"

Heath Ledger, "The Dark Knight"

Robert Downey Jr., "Tropic Thunder"

Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Doubt"  (he won already so I doubt it)

Michael Shannon, "Revolutionary Road"

*Prediction- Heath Ledger or Michael Shannon*

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Amy Adams, "Doubt"

Penelope Cruz, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"

Viola Davis, "Doubt"

Taraji P. Henson, "Benjamin Button"

Marisa Tomei, "The Wrestler"

*Prediction- Penelope Cruz or Viola Davis*

Unfortunately, I've seen very few of these films, although I've heard much about them. If having seen them all, I'd obviously be much more confident in my predictions. It seems to me the Academy Awards tend to be political. Rarely does a genre film get nominated, let alone a win, and it seems rare that an actor will win another award if they've won previously, but what in tar nation do I know.

Being a HUGE Batman fan it was nice to see "The Dark Knight" receive 7 nods, despite a bit of controversy, especially in regards to the late Mr. Ledger. The film received the following nominations;

- Best Supporting Actor, Heath Ledger

- Art Direction

- Cinematography

-Editing

- Make Up

-Sound Editing & Mixing

-Visual Effects

Some fan boys got bent out of shape because the film didn't receive a BEST PICTURE or BEST DIRECTOR nomination. As much as I love Batman and enjoyed The Dark Knight, I felt it didn't deserve best picture. I'm not even sure if Nolan, as talented as he is, deserves best director.

I can't wait for the awards show. Despite it's tendency to drag a bit, along with some lame sketches, etc., I still enjoy it. It's kinda like my Super Bowl.

The End is Nigh!

Sigh...................................

Apparently after twenty five years of copping out, I'm eligible for retirement. I knew it was coming up, but kept putting it on the back burner of my mind. Recently I was reminded of this by several bosses. I'm wondering if that was a BIG hint?! Yeaaaah, I'd say so.

My "lew" (lieutenant) said If I don't use any vacation/sick days, I can go sometime in June. Otherwise it would be sometime in October or November. eeek! Suddenly when faced with the reality of it all, I started stressin'! I thought when the time came, I'd be all excited, screaming like a little girl, and running naked out of HQ's!

Fortunately I'll be getting a pension, but I'll still have to work part time to pay off all the $h!t I bought myself (see a prior post or two or three). It'll be great to have more time to make movies, catch up on LOT'S of reading, music, etc., but what else? The economy basically sucks, and quite honestly I'd make a terrible Walmart greeter!

Recently my chief mentioned he was trying to get the town to keep me on through the end of '09. We'll see. Times (and municipal budgets) are tight, and they'd save a bit of ca$h if my @$$ (trying not to swear-prior post) left the building. If I stayed through '09 it would help me save a bit of ca$h, and give me some time to stall to figure out some kinda future. High anxiety I tell ya!

Scared Sh!tless!

There are cameras in the building where I work. EVERYWHERE! Can you say big brother/micro managing?

I've been known to skulk and roam the halls seeking potential victims to scare. Sometimes I triumph, most times I don't, but it's ALWAYS fun to try. Unfortunately by now most people are cautious, expecting me to be lurking, ready to pounce upon my helpless pray at any given moment.

There is one camera-less hallway in the building and it's conveniently located in the back by me. This is one of my favorite places to position myself for a stealthy strike. Fortunately my immediate supervisor (I won't dignify him with superior) occasionally passes by, embroiled in the losing ADHD battles raging (much like myself) in his head. He tends to not pay much attention to his immediate surroundings.

As I was exiting the "Ice Box" (see earlier post) I caught him out of the corner of my (left) eye about to emerge from the doors farther down the hallway from my office, about to head in my direction. Seeing this to be an especially fortuitous moment, I felt it was my duty and prime directive to facilitate a fright.

I could hear him walking down the hallway, rapidly approaching my position. In moments like this timing means EVERYTHING! Too soon or too late and it's all for naught. I hid in a doorway in full on glee, silently giggling like a mischievous evil school boy. I could hear my heart beating in my inner ears. A light coating of perspiration infiltrating my brow. Almost there............almost.................just a little closer, and WHAM! I sprung from my hiding spot like a clown on a turbo powered pogo stick.

He hesitated slightly and went red. Oh crap, I thought. He's having a heart attack! He began to bend over like he was goin' down. This was it. I'm finally gonna get fired. ten to twenty in the big house! He suddenly stood up straight (he's a really skinny & somewhat tall dude)-still red, and began to laugh. Thank God. At one point it looked like he was goin' for his holster. I work here, I don't want to die here like in a scene from a bad spaghetti western.

He took it well, even exclaiming "brilliant!" Is that brilliant as in, now I can legitimately fire him, shoot him, or kick his @$$?! Only time will tell and time can be a harsh mistress. You know what they say about paybacks?

SAY MY NAME!

Due to the severity of mocking I have bravely endured at work in relation to my hardcore 70's leather coat, I will now be addressed as "Pimp Daddy Large", or "PDL" if you find it rolls off the tongue more smoothly. I'm currently in communication with the US judicial system to see about legally changing it to said name. I will periodically update any forward movement to keep my readers well informed of the outcome, especially if it comes down to appeals.


What's my name?! SAY IT!!

Monkey in a Cage

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but in the building where I work, I'm situated waaaay in the back, in a room with no windows known as "The Ice Box." It's called the ice box because the room must be kept cool because of all the electronics (computer servers 'n crap) contained therein. Our department is already regulated to the basement of the building, so that adds insult to my injuries. I'm not sure however if it's as bad as that guy has it in (the film) Office Space. Besides, I don't have a red stapler.

The past week the air conditioner in the box has been on the fritz, (what does that mean anyway?) so the door to my office must remain W-I-D-E open to encourage air circulation until the damn contraption is repaired. Many, many, (did I say many) souls (and soulless) pass by throughout the day, staring wide eyed at me as they do. It's making me furious! Now I know how Hannibal Lecter felt behind his Plexiglas enclosure. I feel like a freak in a sideshow. I try to ignore it, but I have amazing peripheral vision and I don't miss a thing. Thanks for letting me vent.

I feel like a monkey in a cage with NO bananas! I'm not here for you're amusement. Stay away from the cage or I'll be forced to fling my poo! I apologize for that last part, but that's what monkeys do.

The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades!

Today after work I have an appointment for a reading. I'm not exactly sure why I scheduled it. What is some witchy (no offence LI) woman gonna tell me by playing Texas Hold 'Em. I suppose she could read my palm as long as she doesn't use paint. She won't be able to read my tea leaves as I'm a staunch supporter of the java kind.

It all started last weekend when I went into the local wacky new age shop in town. It's called Success Express, and since I desperately need some in a speedy manner (I'm all about instant gratification!) I thought I'd stop in to see how much they charge for expedited good fortune. You can smell this place from blocks away with all the candles and incense they sell. It's a bit overwhelming, almost to the point of regurgitation. I don't know how the employees stand it. I guess they're used to it, and they're on the payroll.

When I was told by the cute willowy witchy chick employee that they did not sell it, and that I had to find it for myself, I became a disgruntled customer. As I was leaving, a book for new mothers (see earlier post) and some wind chimes caught my eye. Despite being disgruntled, I made my purchases and was making a hasty exit when the cute willowy witchy girl asked me if I wanted a reading. I asked her if she meant something like a bedtime story. After what seemed like hours of awkward silence and several eye rolls, she explained what she meant, even though I knew and just like to mess with people because I'm a bit of a shit.

Fearing the deep dark truths she might reveal, I declined. She told me to think about it. I did, and later made my fateful appointment. I figured if I looked at it like some local Vegas entertainment, it could be fun. Besides she was kinda cute in a willowy witchy girl kind of way. Did I mention that already?

So now I'm at work bidding my time until the witching hour which for me will be 16:45 hours or 4:45 pm in Euros. I hope she doesn't turn me into a toad, she did have a wart on her nose for crap sake! Stay tuned.

For Those About to Rock......................

Looks like the (old) dudes are gonna attempt to get together again tonight for a MUCH needed and overdue rehearsal. Part of me is very much looking forward to jamming after so long, the other (dark & evil) part not so much.

It almost seems like we'll have to start from square 1 when we should be at circle 25! I'm eager to play out to unleash my mad jammin' skills.


PS- For those of you not in the know, the title of this post is a reference to ACDC. Rock on!

Blog Comments........................

Lately, (& usually) I find your (meaning my kind "followers") comments MUCH more interesting than my actual posts. THANKS guys (girls, gals, or ladies)!

Don't follow me, I'm completely lost. Did anyone bring a map? My GPS crapped out.

OOPS!

"America is great because she is good. If America ceases to be good, America will cease to be great."

-Alex de Tocqueville, French author
(1805-1859)

The Horrifying Truth

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality."

-Edgar Allan Poe
(1809-1849)

Happy Birthday Edgar-Nevermore!

WOOF!

Are all men dogs? Do some dogs bark louder than others? These are some questions that I've been pondering lately in relation to why it seems much easier for a girl to bag a guy than the other way around.

If men are indeed hound dogs, that would possibly explain why I come across more women who seem to find a new boyfriend much more quickly than most men do. Is the male species more assertive or aggressive than our female counterparts?

Was God trying to tell us something in relation to his creation of women? After all, it was Eve who grabbed the apple and took the first bite! If you simply break down the word woman, it's clear to see the obvious warning- Woe-To-Man! Seems like God was trying to give us dudes a heads up.

Please note that this post is in NO way meant to bash women. I loves ya- I'm in touch with my lesbian side and wear it proudly on Friday nights. I'm 6'6" in heels! Kidding! Really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Regardless, I'm not a dog. I'm a wolf, so hopefully that'll work out in my favor one day. Now where is my handler with that muzzle?

"I Have a Dream"

A life cut too short
A dream not yet realized
A nightmare behind
A hope ahead
A dream renewed

-CLW

Inspired by MLK
A wish for BHO

The Lightweight Champion of NJ is......

Me!

Oooo, my achin' head. Last Night I went out with my friend Bob for dinner, a "bromance" if you will, hopefully you won't. We ate at this place he raves about. It's got a Tex-Mex, Santa Fe Kinda vibe, but slightly upscale. As it was a BYOB he brought some red. He's a big fan of the vino, and a bit of a connoisseur, me not at all. 

In keeping with the celebratory theme of nothing in particular, I indulged a wee bit. I'm not a fan of wine, being undignified and all. Wine (red especially) quickly gives me a stomach ache for reasons that are unknown to me. White is OK, but I always preferred the Zin, but have not had it for sometime as it is apparently VERY uncool for a guy to drink it. Being born somewhat uncool, I don't want to perpetuate it by drinking sweet pinkish alcohol.

 Bob ordered and enjoyed a Salmon dish, whilst I chose a chicken dish which was not so enjoyable. Since it wasn't a date and he most likely wouldn't be putting out, we went "Dutch" and split the bill.  From there we decided to check out a relatively new "trendy" bar down the road a spell. It was pretty crowded and noisy, but we decided to tough it out. Finally seated, we each chose a glass of an overpriced Port. While not much of a drinker, I'm a fan of Port wines, tho they tend to be very sweet and syrupy. If you haven't had Port before, I kinda equate it with Robitussin, NyQuil, or something of that ilk, just less medicinal tasting.

A friend of mine stopped by to take advantage of my generosity knowing I would pay for drinks 'cause she's a chick, and you girls know how to work it. One drink lead to two, which lead to me drinking half of my friends glass of Port as well while he was distracted by my friend who seemed to be mildly annoying him, and getting on his nerves. We left about forty five minutes later.

I felt perfectly fine to drive, but then again in twenty five years I've locked up my share of drunks who most likely felt the same way. I felt a little warm and fuzzy, but in control. I'm kinda big on control so if I'm not feeling that way I would have (hopefully) been responsible and made other arrangements. After blacking out briefly and driving on the wrong side of the road for a mile or two, (perfectly acceptable in England) I dropped him at his car. Fortunately for him he went inside his studio for a bit to sober up- and they call me the lightweight!

Now I'm at work, typing this post in a shroud of alcohol fueled haze, or is that fog. I barely made it through the day, but toughed it out. I'm a man for crap sake! Once again another night of debauchery and hedonism goes unchecked and off the hook!

Hopefully I learned my lesson, possibly not. Bartender cut me off! Shirley Temple here stopped tap dancin' hours ago! 

 

The Futility of Chasing Daylight

She sat on the edge of her bed. It seemed much larger since he left. She wondered where he was and what he might be thinking, knowing full well it wasn't about her. She licked her lips recalling sweet memories of kisses long since gone.

Letting go had proven difficult, but perhaps for the best, as she had finally found the time and motivation to do and enjoy all the things she had stored in purgatory because of him and his place in her life. She never liked change, and his absence had forced itself upon her daily routine. Change can be good. Change can be healthy; she thought, but did she believe it or was she trying to convince herself.

Her apartment seeming eternally quiet these days, haunted by the ghost of his laughter. With tangible and intangible memories scattered about, she had sincere but empty intentions to organize them one day soon, to be thrown away, placed high on a shelf, or stored in a box eventually to be forgotten. In self manifested anger she had finally taken his pictures down from the walls and shelves where they once advertised love, hope, and longing. Dirty and dusty outlines on the wall and shelves were all that remained.

She had stopped reading his daily horoscope although there was always a lingering temptation to peak as she read her own. The bold black font proclaiming Aquarius glared at her like a neon marquee, daring her to read his fate. She wasn't even sure if she believed in them, but reading them was something they did together every morning, and would discuss at the end of the day to see if their prophecies had come to fruition.

Today being a Friday, she recalled his last minute phone calls, inviting her to have lunch with him in town. Lately she sat quietly eating at her desk, or alone in one of the places they'd share a meal together. Although it pained her, eating in these places brought a slight and desperate comfort. She would accept this quiet subtle suffering in an attempt, however small, to relive those moments.

As the sun set announcing the end of another day, she sat on the edge her bed which seemed much larger since he left. Her heart much smaller. 

The Gravediggers Lament

He takes a long drag from his cigarette, drawing the unfiltered smoke deep into his lungs. As he exhales, the smoke emerges through his nose and mouth like specters free to find their way back home.

He draws a heavy sigh as he stares down into the hole contemplating the end of his life. That'll be him down there one day, and he wonders who might be standing over him thinking a similar thought. The skies roll over into deep shades of gray that throw shadows on his face making him appear much older than he actually is, although his broken down body tells him otherwise.

His arms strong from years of lifting dirt on rusty shovels. Backbreaking work which shows as he moves and walks slower than just a year ago. The mourners have filed away and he stands alone on the hill. He's grateful for these moments of quiet and contemplation. The blackbirds on the bare branches above his head crow their final farewell and fly away to grieve for another.

The gravedigger wipes the sweat from his brow. His hands and fingernails so encrusted with dirt no amount of washing can remove it. Veins defined by age crisscross his thick gnarled fingers. Working the earth for so many years has completely overtaken his sense of smell to the point where dirt is the only scent he knows. 

He tosses the final shovelful of dirt on the grave and pats it down gently, as if caressing a familiar lover. He takes one last pull off his cigarette, stubbing it out between his thick callused finger tips. He knows he can't keep this up for much longer. This job ages a soul quickly. It's a job for younger men. A lone drop of rain is quickly followed by thousands. The gravedigger grabs his faithful shovel, briefly looking skyward as the cleansing baptism cools his tanned and leathery skin. He pulls his cap down low over his eyes as he descends the hill. His day finished as darkness transcends in hues of purple and blues.

He makes his way back home to no one.

Apparently, NOT to rock.

..........And with a quiet dull thud, practice was cancelled. 

Actually perhaps it was a whimper. Do you hear that? That's right Slappy- NOTHIN'!

Cigars All Around!

Last night, Tuesday 01/13/09 at 10:44pm, (EST) a new BEAUTIFUL baby girl was born unto this world. I'd like to introduce you all to (image missing) the lovely Miss Kiara Perez-Wolters, a winner at 7lbs. 8oz!

If I can figure out how to post a pic from this iMac thing, I'll put it up.

Mother (Kim) and baby are doing very well.

Ghost Hunting

I've always been fascinated with the supernatural, especially when it comes to ghosts, although I'm not sure what I truly believe. I do believe that "ghosts" or whatever they actually are, whether it be demons or angels, or something altogether different, exist.

It's possible that there may be other planes of existence that very few of us can see. Apparently young children and animals are adept and quite sensitive to things that go bump in the night.

I'm aware that there's basically two types of hauntings- intellectual, where the entity wants to interact with you, whether it's looking for help and/or guidance, or just to scare the shit out of you 'cause it's bored and angry! The other type is a residual haunting which is said to be a deep memory imprinted in an area or on an object. To see it, it would appear almost as a film clip showing the same action over and over again. It's unaware of your presence and would continue whether you were there or not.

One of my favorite TV shows (& there are few) is Ghost Hunters on the SciFi Channel. I've only seen it televised once or twice, but have all the seasons released on DVD thus far. I just began watching Season 4- part 1. Even though nothing usually happens, it's still interesting to me. The first few seasons were more enjoyable due to the hijinks and dramas from the living as opposed to the nothing from the dead.

I've loved this stuff since I was a kid. Kids won't admit it, but most like to be scared. At least from the small stuff like scary TV shows and movies, not real world stuff which is more frightening then any of that made up stuff. My friends and I used to play in the cemetery where I now live which I think is very cool. In fact, I'm the only one on the grounds who wakes up (barely) in the morning!

Getting back to the TV show, One of my co-workers is the brother of one of the investigators ("Tango") on the show. I've met most of the cast a few times and they're pretty cool, especially Grant and Jason. Several times I've tried to insinuate myself onto the show to absolutely no avail. Today I spoke with my former chief who is apparently pretty tight with the guys and he said he's really gonna push for me to at least go on one televised investigation. That would be awesome. We'll see.

The show needs to lighten up and be a bit more humorous. I could be the strange funny dude that jumps out from behind a gravestone or tree wearing a dress. On second thought, that might be more scary than funny.

Take Two

A new camcorder= over two grand and far from priceless!

Realizing I need a decent tripod for filming, as well as a case to protect my investment= I'm broke!

Money doesn't grow on trees! It grows on film and video tape and all the other crap that goes with it!

To Rock or Not To Rock.....................

Tonight us ol' dudes are having a band rehearsal for the first time in a bit over a month due to holidays n' illin'. I kinda feel like I've lost my momentum. I haven't touched the drums since our last rehearsal as I don't like to practice unless it's with other (in the flesh) musicians.

Hopefully it'll be fun and we won't suck too bad. I really wanna start gigging out!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........

"Life is like a dream for the wise, a
game for the fool, a comedy for the rich,
a tragedy for the poor."

-Sholom Aleichem, Russian author-humorist
(1859-1916)

"The Leave Behind"

Ladies, (or men who dress like them) I need your perspective.

Do you intentionally leave stuff at a guys place on purpose to see or hear from him again? Throughout the course (which has apparently run it's course) of my dating career, I've had many incidents of the classic "leave behind". It could be any kind of item that the woman or women- depending on how much of a stud or dud you are, leaves. Perhaps something as simple as a hair clip, bobbi pin, or make-up, OR something much more personal and intimate that needs not to be addressed here on my all ages blog.

Now I'm not trying to insinuate that these are all intentional "oopsies", but I'm curious as to if this phenomenon is leaning more towards an intentional and sneakily subtle and subversive act. Is it possible this is the female version of marking ones territory? I must be honest in saying it makes me a bit anxious when a woman does this, but that's another matter to work through in therapy.

Enlightenment only. Inquiring males the world over (or just me) want to know. Thank you for your time, have a nice day.

Meanwhile at the U.C.P.O.

Last week I had to deliver some transmittal's (cases) to the county prosecutors office for review. There's a friendly female receptionist that sits in a bullet proof box on the forth floor. I don't know her well, but we usually make impersonal idle chit-chat when I'm dropping off. I asked how her holidays were and she responded that they were boring, to which I replied, "I find comfort and stability in boredom". I'm not sure what I meant, it just kinda popped outta my mouth like most of the strange things I say without provocation.

An assistant prosecutor or investigator was passing by when I responded and he said, "That's an interesting way of looking at it".

EXACTLY!- I was impressed with myself for a minute or two. I wonder when they're gonna let me take off this electronic ankle monitor. I need some peanut butter from the store.

Crashing Forward

Red Lights

Green lights

Amber hues of caution

A sunset ahead

A sunrise behind

Alive with broken glass and twisted metal

Burning rubber fills my lungs

I crawl from the wreckage

Within and without

-CLW

Fixation Fascination!

I tend to be a very observant person. I guess it's partially due to being a "classic Virgo", but perhaps more so to being a government agent. Being observant can be both good and bad. Good for when your looking for the things you want to see- bad for when you see the things you don't!

When I meet someone, no matter if it's for the first time or not, I tend to zero in on something, whether it be a unique physical feature, clothing, or speech. Nothing freaks me out more then the collection of spittle in the corners of someones mouth. It repels me and grosses me out, yet transfixed, transformed, and fascinated, I can't look away.

The other day I was having lunch in a local diner when a co-worker happened by. As he started conversing with me, I couldn't help but notice the small pockets of white foam frozen in time in the corners of his mouth. I wanted to say something to make him aware of this anomaly, but I was afraid if I did, he would wipe it away, so I'd have to start all over again, trying to find something new and gross to fixate on.

Perhaps he had rabies and I should have muzzled him and taken him to the vet. I sure hope he doesn't bite anyone. I can't have crap like that hanging over my head. I've got enough guilt for two. 

Second Hands

The clock ticks- I think of you

The hour passes- I think of life

As the pendulum swings

My lonely heart sings off key

The hands move backwards

To a time before you

To a time before time

-CLW

It's Like Crack I tell Ya..............................

Although I don't possess a huge sweet tooth (fangs actually), I do likes me my dark chocolate from time to time. That said, I tend to like things covered in dark chocolate as well-

pretzels, cashews, and raisins. One day while grocery shopping I was looking through the dried fruit section as a healthy snack alternative to Oreos.

There on the shelf was a package that caught my eye. Sunsweet Dried Plum Bites-Chocolate Plum Sweets. Covered in what else, DARK CHOCOLATE! Now I normally wouldn't rush for the plums as I don't think I'm at that age yet, although I could be and I'm just foolin' myself, But I like to try potentially gross things, but even gross things covered in dark chocolate might not be too gross.

I couldn't wait to check out, bustin' those bad boys open before I even made it to my trusty Element. Damn those little things were yummy. Now I'm hooked and may need an intervention. I know I've got a problem 'cause I saw a picture of Amy "Don't wanna go to rehab" Winehouse scarfin' 'em down! They're not cheap either at over three bucks for a relatively small bag of chocolaty goodness!

I love how they advertise that they're good for you because of the antioxidants in chocolate, along with the goodness of fruit. You'd have to eat a ton to get any benefits. Let's see..............four bags a day for ten years........................................................................

At least I can satisfy my cravings and be regular to boot! Speaking of regular, gotta run to the crapper! SORRY 'bout that last part, but I am occasionally human.

Lights, Camera, Action!

Wow, that was quick! I ordered my camcorder on Monday and it arrived yesterday. It's much smaller and lighter than I suspected. I've gotta say, as excited as I am, I'm equally intimidated. So much so, I got the shakes and sweats!

I'm a no tech to low tech guy, so there will be a very steep learning curve I'm sure. You should see the instruction manual. It's worse than Ikea's Assembly instructions. It's a half and half guide. One sides in English, (thank God) and the flip sides in French, oi?

This small tomes' gotta weigh about thirty pounds! If you glued ten Gideon Bibles together you'd have this monster which is in direct competition with War and Peace.

OK-let's see.............page 1..........................................remove lens cap..............

So there!

"The only graceful way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved."

-Russell Lynes, American author
1910-1991

Get Fuzzy!

I love this weekly comic strip. It appeals to my cynical, sarcastic, although lovable curmudgeonly sensibilities. It revolves around the three main characters. Rob (Human) and his two house pets, Satchel-slightly dimwitted (dog) and Bucky-sneaky, sarcastic, and rude (cat). It's written and drawn with shrewed wit and talent by Darby Coley. If you've not seen it, I strongly encourage you do do so.

Today's strip appealed to me a great deal, and without your permission I'd like to share it with you. Please keep in mind I have yet to figure out how to scan stuff onto this blog, so the visuals are sadly missing. Forgive me.


Interior-Rob's place:

Satchel: This poem writing is a great way to express my feelings!
Bucky: Writing is for movie scripts. Punching is for expression.
S: Have you ever tried writing poetry?
B: Could I write about punching?
S: Could you write about happy things first?
B: I could write about punching happy things first.
S: I'm not sure you're the poet type...
B: Ooo. I'd LOVE to write about punching a poet.

And there you have it.

Relativity Speaking

"Only a life lived for others is worth living".

-Albert Einstein

Ummmmmmmmmm......................

Did you ever find yourself thinking about doing that thing, and then actually doing it? At the time it seemed like the right thing to do, but in hindsight you realized it was far North of wrong. You played it over and over and over in your minds eye, vowing that it would NEVER EVER happen again. Later in life you get to the point where you realize it never really mattered anyway, and it was pointless to get so worked up and anxious over the whole thing. All those sleepless nights wasted!

Many years later it pops back into your head so you question family, Friends, and co-workers about it and they have absolutely no idea what the hell your talking about, staring at you like you have lobsters growing out of your ears! It's strongly and urgently suggested that you seek treatment, and shortly thereafter your going through intense therapy including medications. With a lot of help and guidance your finally able to move on after having healed your heart, soul, and mind.

One day you find yourself retired, having lived a very productive life since it happened and you've actually completely forgotten about it. Then you wake up the next day and you do it again!

Confession time- I've truly run out of interesting, mind boggling things to post about and in overwhelming desperation wrote the prior pointless- I have no idea what that was about post.

I'm such a hack!

Shake, Rattle, and Roll!

Aside from any menopausal women (no disrespect) reading, have you ever woken up at night absolutely freeeezing, even while safe and tucked beneath the covers?

Last night I woke up freezing only about forty five minutes into sleeping. I got out of bed shivering so much it hurt. My muscles were contracting and my teeth were chattering loudly. After a quick bathroom break I returned to bed, but not before putting some sweats on. I shortly thereafter awoke sweating profusely. WTF! Was the heat broken? Was it possibly some kind of supernatural occurrence? The second one is a distinct possibility residing at a cemetery.

I've recently been trying to shake a bad head cold and estimate I am at 90% functional capacity. I woke feeling groggy, (as usual) but not terribly sick either, and arrived at work a bit late as usual.

Is there a doctor, exorcist, or ghost hunter in the house? 

Hooray for Hollywood!

OMG- I did it! I took the plunge. I just clicked "finish order and purchase now" for a Panasonic DVX100B. A "prosumer" Mini-DV camcorder that cost a LOT of cashola. I'm a little stressed because it's a pretty costly and unnecessary item, much like most of the things I've been purchasing lately. 

When I was younger it was a dream of mine to become a famous filmmaker. In fact most of the people (including teachers) who signed my yearbook made reference to this. After high school I was to attend The School of Visual Arts in NYC. Alas, I feared for a safe and stable future and sadly put the kibosh on my dream. To any of you reading- DON'T EVER, EVER DO THAT!

When I was a kid, my friends and I would make little silent Super 8 films using my pops' camera. A few years later and older, I joined a group of young filmmakers that made 16mm films that weren't too bad nor too good. I'll probably be retiring soon as I've almost completed 25 years of my career, and that's when most abandon ship. I'll have a second chance. I'll get to revisit my dream. How many people do you know like that? I feel pretty damn lucky, blessed, whatever!

I heard the learning curve for these camcorders is a bit difficult and daunting, so my fear is getting discouraged too quickly. I've talked to a couple of filmmakers who will hopefully give me a few pointers. I should receive it within a week. Now the problem is accessories. I'll need a tripod, case, light, etc., etc. It goes on and on and on.

I think I'm done with the major purchases for now as it's one of my New Years destitution's to save a bit. Oh snap, I forgot, I need a new desk for my new computer..........aw fer craps sake!

Eternally

Troubadours sing the blues

Hoping for some happy news

Poets dream of love and loss

Rolling over stones of moss

Hearts and souls sequestered apart

With each beat they stop and start

Blind men beg for lips that see

Futures end foretold to me

Children dream of hopes and joy

I the man that was the boy

Darkness falls more quickly now

As the old forsake their vow

-CLW

Soiled Hearts

Dirty water

muddy puddle

Reaching out into a huddle

Longing love and touch divine

Seldom others

never mine

-CLW

Here and There

As it is now and so it goes

Air through open windows

Sweet caress of nothingness

savor sweet the subtle bliss

Rediscovered where you were

Neither here nor there

The fine lines blur

-CLW

Technological Terror!

As stated in a few earlier posts, Santa was very good to me in 2008 via myself.

Treating myself to a sweet new Blue Ray disc player, I quickly learned it was pretty much pointless to have one without an amplifier with HDMI connections. So I hither forth to yonder brick and mortar store, purchasing same. I returned home to thy crypt post haste, removing the old amp (which worked perfectly fine aside from being HDMI deficient) and with the help of an ambitious young lad (friends son) hooked up ye new one.

Testing the existing 5.1 (5 speakers to 1 sub woofer) surround sound system it was abundantly clear the sub woofer had sadly failed. A sub woofer is crucial to an audiophile, especially when you've just purchased a new BR player. Sub woofers are very cool during exciting action scenes in a film. If the sound is set correctly, the entire crypt will shake. Thank God I reside at a cemetery.

I transported the Sub to a local high end component store/repair center and kindly asked if they'd test it so I'd know whether I had to purchase a new one or just have the current one repaired. The experts (?) determined the Sub to be substantially corrupted, which was quickly followed by the statement; "We'd be glad to sell you a new one- our prices start at $475.00!" I thinketh not, I thought to myself, fastidiously removing thine self from the establishment.

I traversed the highways and byways until quite weary in a quest for the finest, yet frugally priced Sub woofer to be had. I returned to Ye Old Electronics store that had several weeks hence, facilitated my GPS purchase. The kindly riff raff employed therein solicited a fine piece of machinery at lo a finer price. After exchanging doubloons with the proprietor, I gathered my treasure responding back to thy humble dwellings.

Thinking it to be a quick go of things, I found myself, beside myself with a generous portion of disappointment and melancholy, as the thumping contraption worketh not. I returned defeated to the den of vipers and saint less scamps to return my purchase, after which I once again headed for the treacherous highways and byways that precariously lay before me. Up and down, back and forth, East and West I went, unable to procure my necessary final piece of the confounding puzzle. I felt completely and utterly trumped!

Frustrated to no end, I called the salesman employed at the den of iniquity to inquire as to some final re pass in my fruitless mission. He asked if I had done this. He asked if I had done that. Shamefully I had not. Upon resurrecting an epiphany, he bid me to return hither forth once more. Rolling thine eyes to the heavens I dutifully returned. After much explanation heaped upon a huge dose of confusion, I re-purchased the original sub woofer, mounted my carriage and returned in quite a slow manor to my homestead.

Shortly thereafter the kindly scoundrel arrived at my door to assist (for a modest stipend) me in this unending farce. Flip this, turn that, push this. Nothin'! As he fled my lowly state he inquired that a new RCA SW cable may be all I needed. He then ungraciously vanished into the coming dusk. Once again I set forth, procuring the cable in a quickly manner. Could this be the end of my electronic travesty? Could this herein stressful event finally be converging towards a climatic culmination? So many questions. So many headaches!

I plugged the sucker in and voila- she works! And she works real good.

I profusely apologize for this last post. I originally intended for it to be a quick and simple tale- much like many of my posts- but apparently along the way I became possessed by a really bad Shakespearean actor. I'm sorry. I'm trying to get a handle on what just occurred. I fear I may have permanently lost a significant portion of my blogging audience. I suspect I shall make like the wind and exit stage left!

Former American Teen

This evening I was treated to a documentary titled-American Teen, courtesy of the fine folks at Netflix.

Five High School seniors in Warsaw Indiana are the focus of this documentary from filmmaker Nanette Burstein who followed and filmed a year in the life of these five chosen kids. Two females and three males. The popular "beauty queen", The female "rebel", the "band geek/nerd", the "popular jock", and the "prom king". I definitely felt I related most to the "rebel" and the "nerd", although I saw a bit of myself in all of them.

I had heard very good things about this film and it was apparently quite popular at Sundance. I really had no idea what to expect. I'm surly not interested in the lives of teens. Been there-done that. As the film began I initially thought I had rented the wrong flick. It seemed much too polished and slick to be a documentary. Were these actors, or real kids? The director "auditioned" many kids, choosing what I guess she felt would be the most interesting subjects. Most of us are aware when there is a camera filming- rarely is it actually "reality". There is really no such thing as "reality TV" in my opinion. How many people are them true selves when in front of a camera, still photographs not withstanding.

I think the director was attempting to make this documentary accessible to most people, Especially those that tend to shun documentaries. The film is definitely slick with some segments (albeit very interesting) that almost seem to fictionalize the subjects. 

I'm glad I gave it a chance. The more I watched, the more I enjoyed it. I was able to identify with each subject if even in a small way. In high school I was a little bit of everything. Although I graduated in 1981 (yikes!) some things about growing up and high school don't seem to change much, at least basically. Kids can be cruel. The high school years can be crueler. This is a time when most kids are trying to find and develop an identity whether they're conscience of it or not. It's an EXTREMELY stressful time! Look at the zits on the faces of some of these kids for craps sake! 

At the time I thought I "hated" school. Looking back it wasn't as bad as I thought it was, but I also was not as (supremely) aware as I am now. I was a slow learner and had some definite learning disabilities on top of my misunderstood (by myself & others) ADHD. I was in a special program/classes for those like myself, and there was quite a bit of verbal/emotional abuse from the "normal" kids. I persevered! I made it! I've had a good career and I'm pretty damn proud of myself. With the initial road I was headed down I could have turned out much worse. Thanks mom! For a single mom you did your best, and your best was good enough for me. I love you and miss you very much! 

I was one of those "latchkey kids". I'm surprised I didn't burn the house down or go to jail. I'm sure there's many others who are just as surprised.

Brittle

Once was

Was once

Drained away

Pained away

Nevermore

More or less

-CLW

Tears of Rust

The rain that falls splashes my face

but they're not tears for you

The cuts we left that made us bleed

the things we'd never do

Another time-another place

perhaps we'll never know

A garden of weeds and prickly thorns

where flowers dare to grow

-CLW

In You

Every crack

Every flaw 

Every wall

Every smile

Every frown

Every tear

Things in you-are things in me

Bleeding out in time

-CLW

Dating and the Older Blogger

Blog-1! 

Dating-0!

I've recently been dating a bit after deciding to FINALLY make a effort to move past the ex. She easily did it, so I should follow her lead as well. Surprisingly or not, statistics say it takes a man much longer to get over (and heal after) an ended relationship than it does the ladies. Well ladies, Is that true?

Back in the early fall I briefly dated a woman with whom family friends set me up thinking we'd be a "perfect match". I can tell within one hour whether or not I'm interested. Most people disagree and tell me to give it more time. Give the woman a chance or fair shake if you will. She was sweet and not unattractive, but there wasn't the connection I want and long for. I've tried the creepy and somewhat deceptive on-line dating game to mild success, however I prefer to meet women through friends and acquaintances or by simply pimping myself out without assistance.

More recently I've had the pleasure of dating a wonderful woman from work. Well, she doesn't work with me, but works in the same building. She initially avoided going out due to our close proximity of employment. I respected how she felt as I tend to be a private person and don't wish for anyone to have details of my life unless I choose to provide them. I've seen her here and there during the past several years, but never had any direct contact with her until I required discovery materials for a case I was working. That was the ice breaker and it was all downhill for her from there.

She's a single mother with a lovely daughter in her early teens. I enjoy her company very much and we were beginning to spend quite a bit of time together. She of course took a liking to me, beguiled and bedazzled by my many bizarre charms, and why shouldn't she! Plain and simple she was sweet on me. They say it's all about timing and for the most part that's true. My timing tends to be usually untimely! When I first started to pursue her I was in a certain place. By the time we had finally agreed to see each other I felt I had turned the corner to a different place, but not a better place. I realized it was confusing for her and the last thing I wished to do was play games. It's very unbecoming at our age, although no matter what age, it seems to be a timeless male/female thing. It is what it is.

I knew something was wrong. I could hear it in her voice. We eventually had "the talk", the "maybe we're better off as friends" thing. Perhaps it's best. She is almost fragiley (is that a word?) sweet and kind. It's getting to the point with all the dating I've done, the only thing I think I do well with the opposite sex is the friend thing. Maybe that's enough- I don't know. I'd like to think I'm capable of more. I'm told "not everyone is meant to be married" often enough. I've connected with very few women in my life, and obviously they are no longer around. I'll admit I'm difficult, but in the end I feel I'm worth the trouble and frustration. I've still got a lot to learn at my tender age, but I'm not getting any younger. I know there's still time, but the older you get the less your life long romantic prospects are, at least from what I've seen.

I don't wish to portray my self as a pathetic old maid. I prefer to think of myself as a slightly senile spinster. Nurse- I think my diaper needs changing! 

You Say You Want a Resolution.....................................

So here we are in 2009! Kinda hard to believe, but numerically it does follow 2008, so that makes sense. So did you compose your list(s) of resolutions? I say HOGWASH! Not to be a negative Nelly or better yet a crucifying Christopher, but I think resolutions for the most part put undo pressure on people that will most likely bring failure and disappointment.

I feel a much better term is goals. You can start at any time. You don't have to wait until the new year to begin. Choose your goals. Better yet choose A goal. Start simple. Work through that, then add another. You may fail. So what. Simply get up, walk it off, throw some dirt in it and start again. How many people do you know that are "there"? I'd like to meet them. Most of us are perpetually trying to get there.

So do you have a goal or goals? I sincerely and truly wish you the best of luck and God speed. My immediate goal is to eat the Chinese food that just arrived and if at all possible wake up each day at least for a few more years!

All Buttoned Up

Last night I went out to the movies to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Starring Brad Pitt and the always alluring and talented Cate Blanchet. Directed by the talented David Fincher, he of Alien3, Fight Club, Seven, and a few other "darkish" films.

When I found out he was directing the film I was somewhat surprised. The film clocks in at three (or nearly) hours and is based on a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald. The screenplay was written by the gentleman who penned the script for Forrest Gump. If you see the film there's a somewhat similar sense of story and structure to a degree.

All in all the production was well done. The acting was very good. It's a slow moving picture and there's much to see. If you're looking for an exciting action flick pass this one by or wait for the video release. Do the same if you have a low patience threshold. If you like a engaging character driven film, you'll most likely enjoy it. Remember though, it's a fantasy so you'll have to suspend your disbelief.

My movie companion was someone I had not seen a film with before. She made it clear she was hoping I wouldn't talk during the film which is fine as I'm a bit of a movie snob (like Stef). Not only did she occasionally talk during the film, but she was a loud talker! If your going to speak at least have the courtesy to whisper. In fact they should have a film, book, or television show called the film whisperer....................or not. Needles to say, I intend to see the film again either alone or with a respectful companion. Just for the record, I'm not at all bashing her. I like her fine. I just think between her and the legion of "cell phoners and PDAers", I was not able to enjoy the film as much as I thought I would.

OK, movies over. Make sure to button up. It's cold outside. Wow, that was lame, huh?