Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Island of LOST Souls

I'm not one for watching much television. Effectively, watching TV is viewing season sets on DVD. I prefer to watch at my leisure and DVDs are conducive to that. When I'm really into a show, I'll find myself on the couch engaged in a mini marathon. It becomes a mission to watch the entire season as quickly as possible, finding the occasional moment to eat, sleep, and work.

I just finished such an engagement which was viewing season 4 of Lost. Six discs total, two of which contain bonus features. I currently own all four seasons available on DVD. Lost started out pretty strong, sucking me in after a few episodes. Somewhere in the middle it "LOST" some steam. After having just completed season 4 I have one word, and that word is WOW! As far as I'm concerned the show is back on top. Season 4 was very engaging. I had no idea where it was headed and couldn't wait to see what happened next. Rarely do I feel that way about a show.

The two generous discs of bonus features were very well done, including a "documentary" that was quite realistic. I know the show will be coming to an end in the next season or two. I'm hoping the creators end on a high note unlike another favorite show of mine- The X-Files. I just have to be patient and wait about a year for the most recent season to be released on DVD, and I'll STILL be a season behind. Money very well spent.


Speaking of lost and lost souls, it seems many of my friends are in this predicament, albeit in NJ as opposed to a mysterious island somewhere, although NJ can be awfully mysterious at times. I was out recently with a friend of mine and she was pretty depressed during the holidays. She's young, but has been through quite a bit for her age. I felt bad for her and did my best to use my wit, charm, and humor to cheer her up. I have another friend, great guy, just passed his mid-forties. He's a world renowned artist for the specialized type of work he does. He still lives at home with his elderly parents, has few friends if any besides me, and rarely leaves the house, choosing to work on his art instead of getting out and experiencing life. That's fine. That's his choice, although I know he's not particularly happy.

Another good friend of mine is on the cusp of Fifty, owns his own business and a few properties, having done quite well for himself at least financially. He's been dating the same woman for the past seven years. She's younger than he is and would love to marry him. He's been dragging his feet and can't seem to make the commitment. None of my friends are married which is fine as the statistics are not so good for that. I'm not saying there's anything at all wrong with them. I love them. They're good friends. They just seem so lost. And then of course there's me. 'Nuff said. Birds of a feather I guess.

Not truly sure What the point is of the second part of this post. I guess the title of the series made me think about my life and theirs. Fortunately our lives are not available on DVD. At least I don't think so.

Happy New Year!

I was trying to come up with something much more clever and unusual for the title of this post. Crappy New Year?- too negative. Slappy New Year?- too silly.

So I'll simply wish Stef, LI, Cate, Steve, Hydra, Gwennie, TJ, and all those too ashamed to admit they read this thing, a VERY happy and healthy 2009! 2008 was a tough year for many people. This is a night where we tend to reflect on our lives and the past year. Are we where we thought we'd be? Let's try to think about what we have instead of what we don't. We have hope. We'll have a new leader who will hopefully bring about a change. Restoring our country's reputation. Making us great. Making us proud. 

Looks like I'll be in tonight for a quiet evening. It's very windy and cold out. I've been a bit under and over the weather recently. I had two gigs planned, but perhaps this is just what I need.

If your going out be safe. My suggestion is to drink as much as you can, drive as fast as you can, and if you see a cop throw your empties at 'em!

Monday, December 29, 2008

A Tale of Two Tales

For many years I've aspired to get something-anything officially published. This blog not withstanding. Several years ago I was going through a- I wanna write a illustrated children's book that I can't illustrate phase. Somewhat quickly I pumped out two.

I had been searching for these two manuscripts for the past couple years. They were the only copies I had, and I couldn't find them anywhere. Recently I found them as I was cleaning out the spare (black hole) room. I only submitted them to one major publisher (Houghton-Mifflin) through a friend of my sisters whose an editor there. Most of the BIG publishers rarely, if ever, accept unsolicited manuscripts.

Reading over them I realized why they were rejected. Not terrible, but not too good either, although I must say not too shabby for first attempts. The first is a book entitled "Tuesday Morning", in reference to September 11th 2001. It was a few years after the disaster and the book was probably not as relevant, however constantly perusing the children's book sections at stores, I never saw saw any books about it aside from the odd news/fact type book for older kids and teens.

Living in a commuter town relatively close to NYC, we (as a town) lost eleven people that day. Being in law enforcement, I was briefly involved in dealing with the victims families. I was wondering how to write a book for kids about a VERY sensitive subject, especially if the child had lost a parent, relative, or friend. After much consideration, I chose to write a simple poem alongside simple pictures using basic shapes. I actually drew some crappy thumbnail sketches that I passed to an artist friend of mine who rendered some simple, but cool pictures in his computer just as I had imagined them to look. Here now is that story, unfortunately without the pictures. Perhaps one day I'll figure out how to scan and upload pics to this blog.




"Tuesday Morning"- C. Louis Wolfe

Early morning clear blue skies.
Two loud booms as silence dies!

TVs and radio's busy with chatter.
Somethings wrong. What is the matter.

Smoke and sirens. Helping hands.
Tears and confusion throughout the lands!

One falls down, and then another.
Goodbye mother, father, sister, brother.

Many hero's rise and fall.
To help each other, to heed the call!

Broken hearts too high the cost.
So much in this city lost!

Time has passed, and this we know.
Every day our hope will grow.



Kinda crappy. I think it loses something without the illustrations, although they're simple and computer generated, just to give the publisher an idea of how it could look.




The second manuscript came about as I was pulling up my friends driveway and her HUGE great Dane was chasing my car in the pouring rain. She said, "would you look at that Dane in the rain".  The proverbial light bulb went off in my head, and shortly there after I had written "Dane in The Rain".


"Dane in The Rain"- C. Louis Wolfe

As morning broke and max woke up, he wondered out loud; 
"Where is my pup?"

He was shouting for his Dane, but hearing only his refrain!

So Max decided to begin his search.
High and lo. To and fro!

He climbed all of the stairs without any cares.

Up to the attic Max did go.
Ever fast. never slow.

He looked inside a big old trunk,
and even underneath some junk.

Max looked behind a dusty curtain.
His dogs location still uncertain!

He walked into a spiders web.
Icky and sticky, it stuck to his head!

Soon it was made abundantly clear,
Max's Dane was not here.

So Max descended the stairs.
This time with a few more cares.

Then straight to his room, Max shot with a zoom!

To find no Dane under his bed,
Max was surely filled with dread!

Where could a dog so big have hid?
Under a box?- under a lid?

Should he call 9-1-1? What should he do?
Where could that dog have scampered to?!

Max checked all the closets. Looked under his toys.
Listened for sounds. Checked every noise!

Looking under a pile of clothes,
Max hoped to find his dogs wet nose.

Down the hall Max checked the shower.
It began to grow late in the hour.

Could his dog be hiding under a towel?
Oh no- not there, Max began to scowl.

Hoping that his dog was not lost.
Max would find his Dane at any cost.

Max thought to himself, as he jumped down a vent;
"I'm sure to the basement is where my dog went!"

So down and down Max did slide.
In what became an incredible ride!

Landing on a mattress, which cushioned his fall.
Max got right up, and for his Dane he did call.

Although Max's shouts echoed off the wall,
his missing Dane did not respond at all.

His dog was not here, no not one trace.
Max then decided he was done with this place.

Now up to the kitchen to find his great Dane.
The search for his pup was becoming a pain!

I hope he's OK- I hope he's alright.
This thought gave Max a terrible fright!

Max looked through the cupboards, and under the stove.
he was determined, so onward he strove.

He looked in the fridge, even under some pies.
Max did not miss a spot using both of his eyes.

Max stopped in his tracks, he thought hard and well.
Where could his dog be? He could no longer tell.

But Max would not give up, determined to find,
the greatest of Danes, so loving and kind.

Having checked everywhere that dog could hide,
Max suddenly realized he had not checked outside!

So Max turned the knob, and threw open the door.
Just at that moment it started to pour!

Max stood on the porch and looked all around.
He even made sure that he looked up and down!

Suddenly out in the distance, what did Max see?
Shivering and shaking beneath a small tree.

Max drew closer, as he began to smile.
For there soaking wet was his Dane all the while.



Wow that's pretty bad. Rhyming has been done to death, especially by the master, Seuss! Flow is very important, as the story should be fun to read, and the words should sound good rolling off the tongue. I typed these up pretty much as they were and now can see the glaring grammatical errors, etc.

Hey, it took a few years, but I'm finally published, albeit in cyberspace!

North to South and Back Again

This year I just couldn't wrap my head around the whole Christmas thing. It seemed to be here and gone before I realized it. I think the biggest problem stems from comparing last years Christmas (attached-sorta) to this Christmas (unattached-sorta).

There I was, Christmas Eve with a few options to choose from. My original plan was to make a few short stops to make myself and everybody else happy. Is that possible? Stressssssssssss! My first stop would be family friends. The second would be stopping by "pajamas" place.

I got stuck working late, as I forgot to take care of some nonsense which had to get done, especially since I was going to be off for the next four days. My bestest friend had invited me down to his shore house to spend Christmas with him (or is it he?) and his mother. Just a simple, quiet, no frills holiday. I was waffling a bit with my decision, but he had said no pressure, it was fine either way I decided.

I was beat as I hadn't slept much the night before. To add to the ambiance, it was cold and raining outside. Just before I left work I decided to check for any phone messages. There was one. From Him. He was mildly pissed, which made me just a wee bit more pissed than him.

He seemed quite annoyed that I hadn't called him yet, saying a few things that were hurtful and confusing. You could even say I was confounded. Does that mean that I was located by someone out of jail? Regardless, I recalled that he implied it wasn't a big deal if I went or not. I was actually planning to head down late Christmas morning. Instead I went home pissed off, defensive, and furious!

Due to the phone message, being very tired, and the lousy weather, all I felt like doing was holing up in the crypt and cocooning. I wanted to call him, but was so angry I was afraid of coming on too strong, causing the conversation to quickly devolve into an unnecessary argument. I waited and waited and waited and waited.

I dialed the phone telling myself to be the bigger man. So big that I would be the biggest in all the land! As he answered, I felt myself beginning to boil. I tried to stay calm and address the things he had said to me. I love the guy, but knew I had to choose my words carefully as to not put him on the defensive where he tends to dwell.

After a few moments I had the urge to mutter a line from It's a Wonderful Life. The one Potter says to George towards the end of the film; "Merry Christmas to you in jail!" All I got out was "Merry Christmas" and I hung up. Despite the way I felt and the way Christmas was shaping up, I didn't want to fight with my friend. I felt sad and defeated. I pouted, "and to all a good night".

The next day I lay around in my jams contemplating the day and my Christmas situation. I went back and forth in my head, leaning towards driving down the shore to his place. No calling ahead. Just do it- like Nike. I'd love to find a T-shirt that exclaimed "Why do it!"


I digress as usual. I could stay home and pout or I could be a grown up and drive down to patch things up. I knew if I didn't he most likely wouldn't call me. It's a kinda, if the mountain won't come to Mohammad thing if you know what I mean. We're grown (physically at least) men for crap sakes!

So That's what I did. I sucked it up, walked it off, threw some dirt in it and journeyed southward to Long Beach Island. It worked out OK. We didn't talk much about it. I didn't feel like groveling and bowing before the king. It was kinda unspoken. We were friends. I stayed Thursday night and returned Early evening Friday. It was the right thing to do. Boy I sure hope he doesn't read this or we might be right back where we started!

Sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing to do.

Dear Santa-Part II

Aw for craps sake! If it wasn't bad enough that Santa passed clear over the cemetery, I have to buy more unexpected crass materialism for myself.

As I explained in my terribly selfish (prior) post "DS", I had purchased many expensive things for myself including a Sony Blue Ray player. Not being much of a techie, I ASSumed you just hook it up like a regular DVD player, and if you have a decent set up, the picture and sound on your HDTV will be incredible...........apparently not quite that simple.

To get the most this beast has to offer, you need what is known in the biz as HDMI cables/hookups. Fine, I already had one running from the DVD player to the TV. You then run a HDMI cable from the TV to the receiver. Wait a minute. My receiver is about ten years old. It works well and sounds great, but has NO HDMI inputs/outputs! Now I have to buy a NEW receiver to experience the awesomeness of Blue Ray sound? SOB! I went out and made my purchase.

Once everything was all hooked up it was time to conduct a speaker check. Center-good. Front left and right-A-OK. Two rear speakers-fine and dandy. Sub woofer........hello? Sub woofer? Nothin'! I find out it's blown. Greaaaat. That unfortunetly will have to wait a bit. A decent sub starts at one hundred dollars............starts. Now how come the BR player won't display the picture at 1080p? 1080p is the best picture quality available. Oh wait, my HDTV is only 1080i. Wonderful! I am NOT purchasing a new TV!

Despite being only 1080i, so far I must say the picture looks pretty damn good on BR. As for the sound I'll have to wait until I get a new damn sub woofer. At least the player is backward compatible, which means it can play standard DVDs as well. It also up scales them to look a bit better on the screen. In anticipation of the BR player purchase, I bought some BR discs when I came across a good deal as they tend to be overpriced.

It's pretty much pointless to buy older films on BR discs. More recent action type and digital films (ie-Pixar) look best on BR. In fact they really pop if you have a good HDTV. If you don't, it's pretty pointless to go BR. Besides, most folk are happy enough with the picture and sound of standard DVD.

As far as BR discs are concerned, my current collection contains- Batman the movie (60's), Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Top Gun, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Pirates of the Caribbean (1st one), The Shawshank Redemption, Pushing Daisies-Season 1, and finally Band of Brothers- HBO miniseries.

Now all I need is that sub woofer for the full BLUE RAY EXPERIENCE! This had better be some experience as I'm experiencing a dwindling cash flow. I still have yet to buy my "prosumer" Mini-DV camcorder, but I think I've narrowed it down to one. More on that later.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Very Merry Melancholy

The Star Ledger 12/25/08

Today I read a very interesting article in the newspaper. I have taken the liberty of editing it, as well as paraphrasing it to suit my selfish needs.

Long derided as wimpy and a waste of time, nostalgia nonetheless often sweeps in at this time of year, settling in for the holidays. In calling up memories of people and celebrations past, it can evoke feelings buried by time and daily life.

Now psychologists are rethinking the purpose of that particular sentiment and are drawing some surprising conclusions. Depending on how it's embraced, they say, nostalgia can be a healthy emotion that buffers people from loneliness and eases them through hard times.

In a recent study published in the journal Psychological Science, researchers in China who have studied nostalgia worldwide concluded, "a person immersed in nostalgia can feel connected even when he or she is alone."

The study published in October, is the latest about-face that research psychologists have done on nostalgia in recent years. The sentiment has long been associated with an unhealthy emotional state. The term (nostalgia) is derived from the Greek word for "return" and "suffering", and has been defined as "the yearning to return to one's place of origin".

"Nostalgia has had a very bad name among psychologists and psychiatrists", says Krystine batcho, a professor of psychology at Le Moyne College in Syracuse N.Y. "The feeling was that, if you were nostalgic, you were trapped in the past".

- Shari Roan Los Angeles Times

Apparently you can go home again, if only in your head. 
See, I'm not completely insane! It's a place I visit quite frequently

Cinema Paradiso

I love movies-films-flicks-pics-motion pictures! One of my mothers favorite films was the above titled. Sadly I've only seen a small portion of it. There have been several recently released films that I'm highly anticipating. So many in fact I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed as I haven't been getting out to the theatre as much as I'd like to.

Sadly, two movies I've been excited to see are receiving luke warm reviews for the most part. I'm sure that won't keep me from seeing them, in fact I find if I expect to be somewhat disappointed, I tend to find the film not to be as much of a let down.

The two films of which I write are The Spirit and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. The first film is based on a 40's (?) comic created by the famed Wil Eisner, and directed by Frank miller. The second film is based on a short story written by F. Scott Fitzgerald- sadly no relation to C. Louis Wolfe. It's directed by David Fincher.

Other films on my list are:

- Doubt
- Slumdog Millionaire
- The Reader
- Milk
- Gran Torino
- Frost/Nixon
- The Wrestler
- Revolutionary Road

If anyone reading this has seen any of the above listed films, please leave a comment with your thoughts. Thanks.

Dearly Departed

Christmas, as well as most important dates and times of the year, cause me to think of the people that I've lost. I pray they are all in/at a good place (I believe in heaven-where ever it is) and I'd like to raise my heart and my eggnog to celebrate them and let them know how much I love and miss them.

- Sally (mother) I miss her most of all
- Shel (father) This is a bit more confusing
- Martha (friend) A very special person that taught me quite a bit about life
- Joan (like a 2nd mother) My mothers very best friend
- Marcello (friend) who taught me how to live and die with quiet grace
- Midnight/Tootie (cats) the coolest of cats- I especially miss Midnight and wish I had more time with tootie


I one day hope to see them again

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

You Know Your Getting Old When................................

You fall asleep during A Charlie Brown Christmas which is only twenty minutes long WITHOUT commercials for crap sake!

I now bow my (block) head in shame.

Merry Christmas To All and To All a Good Night!

Sretan Bozic (for Stef)-Feliz Navidad-Boas Festas e Feliz Ano Novo-Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun-joyeux Noel-Froehliche Weihnachten-Kala Christouyenna!-Mele Kalikimaka-Mo'adim Lesimkha . Chena tova-Nollaig Shona Dhuit or Nodlaig mhaith chugnat-Buone Feste Natalizie-Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto-Natale hilare et Annum Faustum!-Merry Keshmish-Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia or Boze Narodzenie-Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozdestva is Novim Godom-God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt Ar

And Festivus for the rest of us!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Phone Call

I'm on my deluxe king size bed dreaming of sleep that doesn't come when the phone rings. I check the Caller ID (lovely invention) and I see it's my doctor's office calling. Oh shit!, I thought. I'm dying aren't I? WTF?! Why are they calling on a Sunday afternoon. I seriously contemplated not answering. Call me silly, but I'm not big on bad news, especially when it entails my health in a negative way.

After what seemed like several minutes, I grew a set and answered the phone. It was MY actual doctor calling. Not a nurse or health care professional of any kind, but the good doctor himself. He said hello and asked me how I was. I heard myself say "oh no!" out loud. He then proceeded to tell me that I had only three minutes to live starting from the first telephone ring!

Actually he said all my tests results looked good, and everything appeared normal (except me). I had to ask why he called on a Sunday to which he replied he was always working. Despite the initial scare, I think it's pretty cool that he took the time to call. I respect him a bit more as a doctor.

Calling me at home himself. That docs ol' school!

Dear Santa-

I've been a shit all year, and since I know your not gonna bring me anything except perhaps a small piece of lame-ass coal, I took it upon myself to play a not very secret Santa and I chose ME! Here's what my true love (me) gave to me:

1) iMac computer with a big ass 24" monitor

2) Mini-JBL external speakers for said computer

3) Tom Tom navigational thingy-so I don't get lost going to the bathroom anymore. How embarrassing!

4) Season 4 of Lost, Season 6 of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and Season 4: Part 1 of Ghost Hunters DVD sets

5) A Sony 550 Blue Ray player- arriving in the next couple days

6) Two wall mounted vent less (gel) fireplaces- one in the living room and one in the bedroom, although that one probably won't help!

Last, but certainly not least, a Prosumer Mini-DV camcorder- to still be selected


Take that Santa! Stick Rudolph's' nose where the sun don't shine, and don't forget the candy cane!

 

Find Me Guilty

I'm not a fan of Vin Diesels, however I watched this the other night courtesy of my pals at Netflix (They should hire me as an endorser). I had heard somewhat favorable things about this film and had meant to see it long ago. This 2006 release directed by esteemed film director Sidney Lumet, stars VD as a mobster becoming his own attorney in the longest court hearing in US history. All in all the Vinster did a respectable job showing another side to his acting chops that he has not shown since.

Entertaining flick, although I'm still not a fan of Vin Diesels

Schedules, Deadlines, and Obligations

I was on vacation this past week. The last one for this year besides the day after Christmas. I cant believe it's already Sunday, but at least it'll be a short work week, and hopefully uneventful. To be honest, I hate (usually) knowing I have to be somewhere, even if it's for something good. I can't really explain it. Deadlines and appointments tend to make me furious. I don't like to be rushed, no how-no way. I'm a fly by the seat of my pants kinda guy. I like to make it up as I go. Sorta like Indiana Jones, but not as cool and buff. Living this way can be a bit of a inconvenience to others and will usually cause me to end up alone more often than not. It's a good thing I'm the lone Wolf!

My vacation was very busy. I was hoping to get much accomplished. It was a week filled with doctors visits and some holiday events that were supposed to increase my lacking Christmas spirit. I will now share with you gentle readers, some highlights as well as some low lights. Join me won't you?

First thing in the morning, on my first day off, I had scheduled a complete physical at my primary care physicians office. They want you to fast for the blood test. I almost stroked out without my morning coffee. I had the shakes an the sweats somethin' awful! The doc was gonna call for a medic until I assured him it was just withdrawal symptoms. He checked under the hood (lotsa mileage) and sent me on my way.

The next day I had a podiatrist appointment. Let me tell ya, if I had to choose one of my most disliked physical features, it would have to be my feet! The good, the bad, and the ugly all rolled into two mammoth thirteen inches- and NO it's definitely and sadly (in my case) not true! They don't tend to smell so I've got that in my favor. Without describing them in too much detail, I'll just say that a good friend many years ago named them Raptor and/or Jurassic feet. Use your imagination. Spielberg did! They decided to keep the feet, but the toes are gonna have to go. Perhaps I'll string a necklace. That evening I attended a Christmas party which you can read all about in my post entitled "The Undertakers Ball".

I'm already up to Wednesday-mid week. As part of a Christmas present I took a friend to see Shakespeare's  "The Winter's Tale". It was presented by The Shakespeare Theatre of NJ on the campus of Drew University. It was staring Linda Powell who is the daughter of the former general joint chiefs of staff Colin Powell. So what you say. Only to impress you I'll say that I'm barely related through a distant marriage. I've met the General, his wife Alma, and son Michael who married my second cousin. I had never met Linda and thought my friend would enjoy meeting her as well. Getting back to the play, I have NEVER seen a Shakespeare play unless of course you count the film Shakespeare in Love, which I enjoyed-for a guy. Forget Ambien! If I can't sleep I'll just read or watch one of Shakeys plays/stories. ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Hey I tried. I guess I'm outta school, 'cause I got no class! Get it?! It was nice to meet Ms. Powell after the show. She's a very talented actress and she seems sweet. She even knew I was "Kathy's brother".  Boo-ya for me! The play was almost THREE HOURS LONG including a twenty minute intermission! Needless to say, we missed our dinner reservation, so she had to settle for a diner as opposed to a nice meal which was supposed to be part of her Christmas present.

Thursday was a bust. I was supposed to go into the city with a friend to see the tree in Rockefeller Center and all that other city Christmas stuff. She called me in the am with some phony sick voice. You know, the one you use when you don't want to go to work. What a faker! That was fine I had plenty to do 'round my crypt.

Friday night, despite terrible weather, my best friend Jay took me along to see A Christmas Carol, presented by the Chatham Community Players. At the theatre we met an old flame of his who had brought along her niece. I must say for a local non-union show it was surprisingly well done. It was a musical, and staged very well so as not to bore. It was one of those theatres in the round. Shows at these kind of venues tend to make me uncomfortable due to the closeness of the actors, intimate setting, etc. After the show we went to a shitty diner where we ate some shitty food. My stomach felt shitty all night which was kinda shitty.

I realize this is another one of my way too long to read and keep my interest posts, but hang in there, I'm about to rap it up. Almost everyone has a room in their house that when the door is shut, the room and it's contents cease to exist! you know what I'm talking about. The "black hole room" where you toss stuff to make it instantly disappear. I have such a room here at my crypt. Between that room and the attic that's where all my pop culture collectible crap ends up. You can barely navigate around in the attic. The door to this spare bedroom only opens approx. twelve inches before it hits payload! I swear I occasionally her a muffled whimpering coming from under the huge pile of crap on the floor.

My goal these past five to six years has been to make room in the attic so I can remove the contents of the spare room, thereby effectively transferring the "black hole room" to the attic. I've taken many vacations through out the years with this very goal in mind, almost always ending up defeated in the fetal position on the floor rocking back and forth, vowing to try again during the next vacation. Well ladies and germs, I'm VERY proud to say, while the job is not yet finished, I've done more organizing and throwing out of unnecessary crap than I have lo these past five or six years, and good God it feels liberating! 

I have to go now. I feel the compelling urge to run naked through the cemetery. Perhaps I'll at least wear a scarf. It is quite cold out.

The Part of You That Never Dies

Breathe in
breathe out

inhale
exhale

warm blood pumping 
circulates your needs

My only desire is the beating of your heart.

-CLW

Come the Bleak Winter

According to my calendar today is the first "official" day of winter. Who decides that? I'd like to know. The weather outside is frightful, and I'm feeling far from delightful. It's been a combination of snow, sleet, and rain mixing and churning into icy cold mayhem. We're due for some more snow today so the outlook is good for a white Christmas, Hanukkah, what have you. Does it really matter? As long as your happy with yourself, and to a lesser degree, those around you.




The leaves are long gone the naked trees sigh
White powder adorns them a season gone by
The icy wind beckons tho nobody's there
Come the bleak winter without despair 


-CLW

Late Night Early Morning

Yes
No
One pulls me back from the brink
Understandings behind me
Grasping at straws odd man out
Forgiveness subjective
Mercy fleeting
Perhaps
Maybe
Absolutely not


-CLW

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Man on Wire

I recently viewed a newly released documentary via Netflix. 

The above titled film is about Frenchman Philippe Petits' successful crossing on a wire strung between the twin towers in 1974. I didn't recall the event as I was a preoccupied precocious eleven year old boy probably more into picking my nose and farting (sorry ladies) than some guy pulling a circus maneuver.

I had heard very good things about this film, but wasn't quite sure what to expect. I was curious to see how it could entertain an audience for one hour and thirty four minutes discussing one event. Well lads and lasses, I'm happy to report as far as the subject matter goes, it's a pretty damned interesting little documentary.

Thanks to Mr. Petits' well documented preparations, along with some recreations that did not take you out of the film, it almost seemed more like a suspenseful caper flick than a documentary about one mans dream and desire finally coming to fruition for one amazing event. Included on the DVD is an entertaining supplement. An animated adaption of a prize winning illustrated children's book about the event narrated by Jake Gyllenhaal.

Giving Up Your Ghost

You drift away so freely, so carelessly
Through windows and doors
Nothing here contains your spirit

Time passes at a standstill
Your tangibility slowly
fading into transparency

Barely able to gaze upon you
as your outline separates

Still you haunt my dreams

Still you haunt my heart

I question life after death

I question life after you



-CLW

The Undertakers Ball

For those of you unaware, or non-followers of this AMAZING blog, I reside in a gatehouse situated at the entrance of a large cemetery located in central NJ. To some it may seem to be a macabre location. It's actually a very beautiful cemetery as far as cemeteries go. The grounds are well attended, and my backyard is larger than most, unless of course you live on a golf course. The cemetery is also allegedly the highest elevated point in town, with a very nice view of NYC on a clear day when the leaves have fallen from the trees.

Once a year the cemetery board holds a Christmas party. For many years it was held in the office located on the first floor of where I live. It was an OK event held in the board meeting room that seemed a bit small for the amount of people parading through. I'm not at all into crowds so I always seemed to end up celebrating just outside the parameter of the festivities. Three(?) years ago they (the board) decided to amp it up, moving the party up the road to a country club. Hey, I'm in!  It became a bit more upscale and swanky which is nice, although apparently the board can only afford two hours of swankiness. It's all good. Last year they added a pasta station which upped the yum factor.

I went stag for a few years, although my chief began to attend, who in turn brought along one of my captains. Last year I had a date (yes-female!) which was great as a large majority of the guests tend to be male, unless attending with a spouse or such. Being a mortician/funeral director still appears to be a male dominated field, although I have actually met some females who apparently like living (dying) on the edge.

I tried in vain to dig up a date for this event, but was sadly unsuccessful. I guess my personalty's not lively enough (ba-dump-bum-crash!). I tried everything from bribery to begging, coming up just shy of roofies and force. I'd like to think I'm a bit classier than that. Apparently my chief took it upon himself to invite my lieutenant along as my date without consulting me first. It appears they have command of me outside of my job as well. Despite all these fun hindering obstacles I had a fairly good time. It became even more enjoyable after I had finished my Bloody Mary cocktail. Well I guess I did in fact have a date if you take Mary into account. In fact she was so Delicious I drank from her completely!

While trying to enjoy myself, I had a few thankful distractions. A phone call, and the beautiful snow falling gently outside. After the party I was ordered to follow the caravan of my chief, captain, and lieutenant. We ended up a few towns over at a old/new English style pub which wasn't overly crowded, and for that I was grateful. Several old friends of the chief (woman thank God) arrived including an old flame from MANY years back. 

It was fun to reconnect with her again. She's absolutely insane and still as fun and enjoyable as I remember her being. Of course I was the odd man out as everyone else was married. Another co-worker (my boy Hobs!) arrived with a friend of his which was an unexpected surprise. Most everyone eventually became completely hammered except for me. I always did enjoy the drunk show, later to recall and relate their exploits that they couldn't or didn't wish to remember. I did however partake of of a booze infused coffee drink which was tasty. It was getting late (for me anyway ) and we departed. we spoke of getting together again soon, which I predict will most likely not occur.

Let's get outta here, these people are a buncha stiffs! This party's absolutely dead.


DATELINE NJ: Global Warming

What's with this weather?!

I have no idea what the weather's been like where you are, but here in New Jersey the end is apparently nigh!

One day it was sixty five degrees, and the next in the mid-thirties. That was followed by a very balmy windy day heralding the coming rain storm. Yesterday it grew cold once more, and the snow began to fall. It was beautiful! It felt like Christmas, helping to lift my spirits as I attended a Christmas party.

Following this strange pattern of weather, today it rained erasing any evidence of the magical holiday snowfall..................................sigh.

Sing along with me.............."Oh the weather outside is frightful-very far from being delightful-It's global warming so we're told-snow and rain, rain and snow, hot and cold."


 

Wintersong (LRJW)

Lake is frozen over
Trees are white with snow
And all around reminders
of you are everywhere I go

It's late and mornings in no hurry
but sleep won't set me free
I lie awake and try to recall
how your body felt beside me

When silence gets too hard to handle
and the night too long

And this is how I see you
In the snow on Christmas morning
Love and happiness surround you
As you throw your arms up to the sky
I keep this moment by and by

Oh how I miss you now my love
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas my love

Sense of joy fills the air
And I daydream as I stare
Up at the star on the tree
And see your star up there

And this is how I see you
In the snow on Christmas morning
Love and happiness surround you
as you throw your arms up to the sky
I keep this moment by and by


-Sarah McLachlan

Friday, December 12, 2008

High Anxiety or Losing My Mind and Other Things

I lose things ALL THE TIME! To be honest, losing things brings about a bit of anxiety in me. Not a complete meltdown mind you, but I tend to get a bit worked up. When I say lost, I'm mostly referring to smaller everyday type items. Yesterday morning it was my sunglasses. I'd recently lost a pair of reasonably (for me) expensive ones. I'm still awaiting their return from the island of misfit spectacles.

It's not so much losing something that wigs me out, it's not knowing where it is that freaks me. Issues I know, turn the page. I feel this intense compulsion to know where most things are at all times. That's why I always leave my keys in the door. I try to keep everything in the same place for my fragile sanity's sake. I guess it's a security thing. 

I told my boss I had to leave work to look for something I lost. He understands despite being a pain in the ass. In fact he, as well as my chief, lose stuff ALL THE TIME! You should see the three of us together. It must be quite humorous to those watching. It's like a meeting of the ADD society. No one listens to anyone. We seem to all talk at each other instead of to each other, and all at the same time. What a train wreak!

I backtracked and did find my glasses at home, just inside the front door where they fell as I was leaving for work. I can't even begin to explain the euphoric relief I feel when I find a lost item. You'd think I'd recovered millions of dollars or an ancient Egyptian artifact! You name it, I've lost it. Whether it be my house, car or luxury yacht. I've thrown away (by accident?) wallets and checkbooks. In fact just yesterday I had left my cell phone on a shelf at Barnes & Nobles while perusing periodicals. While in another section of the store a light bulb went off, and I went into panic mode. Fortunately it was still on the shelf where I had left it. I have some guardian angel(s) let me tell you. He, she, or they definitely have a sense of humor I do not find funny in the least!

In late October I stopped by the grocery store on my way to work. As I was driving to work, I had a mind's eye snap shot of my wallet/Badge/ID on the roof of my car. I pulled over looking on the roof and all around my car, but didn't see it. In a blind panic, I drove back about a half mile to the (very busy) grocery store to try to locate my wallet. Losing this particular wallet causes all kinds of problems. Officers reports, nationwide teletypes, minor stuff like that. I lost a previous one many years ago so I'm all to well aware of the drill! 

While on the topic of losing important pieces of law enforcement equipment, I lost at least two hats back in the day. Same routine. Most people are probably unaware that the hat badge is a very important thing, equal to the wallet badge. One hat was never found, and I'm sure resides in some thugs memorabilia collection. I occasionally check eBay to see if it's listed. The other hat was finally found albeit pancake flat! Both hats were lost by leaving them on the roof of the car as well.

Getting back to the grocery store incident, I frantically crawled around the parking lot like a crazed fool, but couldn't find it. I was counting off the purchases in my head that some thief was making with my credit cards. I went inside the store and left my personal info. in hopes that some righteous individual might do the righteous thing and turn in my wallet, giving me a glimmer of hope in humanity. I got back in my car and drove slowly up and down the (very busy) avenue on the shoulder hoping to spot it. 

For shits and giggles I pulled over to the same spot where I had first realized I had left it on the roof, checked the roof again, lo and behold (Shakespeare?) there it was barely hanging on to the luggage rack. As sad as it sounds, I was almost brought to tears. I felt an un-manly sob comin' on so I grit my teeth, furrowed my brow, and persevered until I got to work where I dramatically wove the tragic , but ultimately happy tale to the boss.

One last quick mindless tale (there are many) was when I thought I had lost my glasses. I called up to my bosses' office to see if I'd left them there, but he said he didn't see them. It was whilst walking up to check for myself, I realized They had been perched on my nose the whole time! What a buffoon!

Now where did I leave my mind? Last thing I remember it was barely in my head!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

A Quiet Mind

Softly shouting voices chastising me within
A gentle war is raging the one I'll never win
Silent is the screaming just behind the eyes
desperate to decipher the truth within the lies
Over thinking under planning feed my restless night
Seeking any solace to release me from this plight
Constant plots and scheming none can be resolved
Machines that work the riddles never to be solved
Endless quests and searching yet never will I find
Perfect grace and peaceful comfort of a quiet mind.

-CLW

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Apple of My Eye

I FINALLY did it!!

I put down my club, left my cave, and bought my FIRST (yes- you read that right!) computer. Not just any computer mind you, but the infamous iMac! I've thought about braking down and buying one for years, but to be honest, I've been quite content with my MSNTV system. If you're not aware of it, it's basically a low tech to no tech browser.

If your still curious about this amazing gadget you've most likely never heard of, Google it, than be ready to be duly unimpressed. I have to say however, that it's got me through some tough times. Occasionally being both my girlfriend and best friend! Ewww, that sounded kinda gross didn't it?!

My boss has been brow beating me for several years to buy one. I finally do, and he's furious I purchased a Mac. I want to get into making my own little movies, and from the various creative people whose brains I've picked dry, it seemed the best way to go.

To be (occasionally) honest, I feel a little guilty buying this during our current economic turn down, but I say WTF! It's MY life dag nab it! It's Christmas and Kwanzaa and stuff! I don't own a house, I'm a spinster, and have no little dependants as far as I'm aware and I'd like to keep it that way. At least now I'll be able to work on my God forsaken blog from home as opposed to staying late at work (like now!) or coming in when I'm off.

From me
To me
love always,
me!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Picture This

I love Children's picture books! You'll find me at a book store spending more time in the children's section than any other part of the store. Although I enjoy reading, I tend to stick with short stories or the like. Even better are graphic novels which tend to be the perfect meshing of art and words. I'm not known for having a long term attention span, as my train of thought oft times derails. I know, clever!



I tend to favor the children's (not kids) books that are a bit on the edgy and quirky side. My initial interest is in the actual artwork. If I don't dig that, I'll most likely put it back without even bothering to read it. If however the art rocks, then I hope the writing follows suit.

I recently received a package (LOVE to get packages delivered!) from "Amazon" full of hard cover picture books. I don't like soft covers. Hard cover books look so much better on a shelf.

My fav out of the gate was "Pete & Pickles", written and illustrated by Berkeley Breathed. If your not familiar with him, he is the creator of the former newspaper strips, "Bloom County" and "Opus" which sadly recently ended. It's about a widower pig who lives alone and is very set in his ways. An elephant named Pickles escapes from the circus and into his life, turning it on it's ear. This book, much like "Mars Needs Moms" brought tears to my eyes. Mr. Breathed clearly understands the human condition, and although a book for kids, it's just as easily a book to be enjoyed by adults as well. His simple stories tend to seemingly come out of nowhere to bite you on the ass, but in a good way.

Next is "Bone Soup" and "Skelly the Skeleton Girl". Two non-scary Halloweeny-monstery books. In other words, the type I adore! Kinda Tim Burtony stuff. I also very much dig books from creator Gris Grimly whose books are in the same vein- get it.............vein?! I made me a funny!

Another is the "Flim-Flam Fairies". This is a very gross and immature book. The kind of book little boys (& me) enjoy, although there may be some icky girls who will like it too. It's about some male fairies who are attempting to usurp the tooth fairie. I can't recall their exact names but they're something to the effect of the- Fart/gas fairie, booger fairie, ear wax fairie, well, you get the idea. Perfect art. Perfect execution of all things disgusting! Right up my alley.

"Dream Machines" is a cool book about a boy who won't go to sleep and all the machines/contraptions that will take him there. It's kind of a fantasy type book, with gorgeous illustrations. The machines are very creative. This clever book also becomes a game board when you unfold the dust jacket. Very cool! I love interactive books.

The last of the bunch is "The Castaway Pirates: A Pop-Up Tale of Bad Luck, Sharp Teeth, and Stinky Feet. As far as pop-up books go, this one is flawlessly designed and engineered. The pop-up illustrations are amazing with art on both sides of the 3-D images. The story itself is also very entertaining.

If you like illustrated kids books you'd be hard pressed not to like at least of few of the titles mentioned. Will someone please tuck me in and read to me?

The Darkest Day!

Today is the release date of The Dark Knight on DVD and Blue Ray. I LOVE ALL THINGS BATMAN! He's a very iconic character that I latched onto in childhood, initially for his cool visual style. I like his tragic origin that leads to his motivation. He has no super powers and it's conceivable that someone can actually be Batman, albeit someone whose nuts, filthy rich, and in damn good shape. Writing about this character as though he exists, I think I've got the nut part down!

Although he's evolved as well as devolved since his creation by Bob Kane and Bill Finger, I've enjoyed almost every incarnation of the character including that silly 60's TV show.

There have been seven films produced thus far, not including the early serials released sometime in the 40's. Batman: The Movie (based on the TV show), Burton's Batman and Returns, Batman Forever and Batman and Robin, the latter in my bat-opinion being the absolute WORST of the bunch! It was flamboyant sassy Joel Shulmakers' take/homage on the TV show which alienated fans and for all intents and purposes, buried the series.

I thought Clooney was initially a brilliant casting decision to play Bruce Wayne/Batman (Batman and Robin) with his dark brooding classy good looks, but due to the director and writers failures, he came across quite lame. I still believe he would have been very good had the production had a better team of filmmakers heading it up.

Several years ago a little known director (Christopher Nolan) took over, bringing a "realism" to the character as if he actually existed in the "real world". His first film out of the gate being "Batman Begins". Lame title, much like Batman Forever. Being the Batman critic that I am, I certainly enjoyed it but felt he came up just short of absolutely nailing it. Not to mention, I felt it ran a bit longer than necessary.

Next came "The Dark Knight", released in July 2008. A much better film in my opinion, although once again a bit too long, crammed with a bit too much! It featured an amazing performance by Heath Ledger as the joker. Sadly, dying just as his talent and fame were beginning to peak. Nolan got closer to an almost perfect Batman film. Although he hasn't as of yet committed to a third, I pretty much think it's a given if they continue to allow him control of the pic, while throwing bundles of money at him. We'll see. They say third times the charm.


Me thinks I'll be purchasing both the two disc standard DVD version as well as the two disc Blue Ray release, although as of yet, I have not purchased a B/R player. I'm quite overwhelmed with all the retailer exclusives to entice you to buy the film at their store. They have lot's of cool swag for the taking. Statues, comics, posters, etc. I have some big bat decisions to make.

Quick, to the Batpoles, then to the Batbank, to spend lot's of Batbucks on the Batfilm!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Come On 'N Zoom-Zoom-Zooma-Zoom!

I just received a two disc DVD set titled; "Zoom- Back to the 70's". Zoom was a TV show produced in the early seventies out of Boston Massachusetts, OH-2-1-3-4! It was televised on Public Broadcasting. If I recall correctly, it first appeared on TV in 1972, and ran for about five seasons. Each season starred new cast members.

As a young lad of................................well, as a young lad, this was one of my all time favorite shows on the idiot box or boob tube as it was known back in the day. That would be a TV set for all you youths tuning in to FLAST. I watched this show religiously! Basically, it was a group of kids who hosted the show. They sang songs, played games, profiled young viewers, etc. The cool thing was, most of the stuff on the show that they did was sent in by viewers.

I wanted to be on this show so badly, that I even sent a letter to the producers inquiring as to how one would become a "cast" member. I wanted to be a star! They actually sent a reply which basically stated; we'd love for you to audition, unfortunately you kinda have to live in the Boston area. I was naive. I was devastated!

Watching the show again after all these years brought a big ol' nostalgic smile to my grumpy old puss. Sure it was dated and corny, but as soon as I started watching, all my Zoom memories came flooding back! I may have forgotten the names, but I remembered the songs and faces, and for a little while, (at least 'till the DVDs were finished) I was that happy little boy watching his happy little show, when life was a bit more simple and happy. "Google it" and you'll understand the sunshine kids!

They say you can't go back. I say screw 'em! I did it for almost two hours pal!

To Blog Another Blog?

I'm considering adding an additional (that's quite a bit of adding) blog to my blogging repertoire. This one keeps me busy enough, but I think I might like to blog specifically about the movies I rent and view through my old pal Netflix. It's tentatively called "My Netflix Nights". We'll see. I'm probably biting off more than I can blog.

That's all I need. More typing! As if my paws weren't calloused (spell check allowed that-I think it's spelled wrong) enough already! Hey..........I didn't mean it that way.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like....................................

Sure, it's cold outside (at least where I am) and there are holiday lights twinkling and glowing, children singing, pipers piping, me drumming, etc., but what's wrong? I think I'm not alone in being down this time of year. I think it's a pretty common phenomenon, no matter what you celebrate. They do call it "the silly season" after all!

I realize holidays (for me-specifically Christmas) are what you make them. Since I was a young boy, I've always been a bit disappointed on the holidays, (Charlie Brown anyone?). Don't get me wrong, I do love 'em, (or at least want to) but I think I tend to set my expectations unrealistically high which almost always leads to disappointment. I guess in a way, that makes me my own worst Grinch, although it might not be so bad to be either Snow Miser or Heat Miser!

I went to my friends Christmas part Friday night. He owns a bike (pedal type-not cool Harley's) shop, where he clears out the showroom for the big event, just like old Fezziwig does in A Christmas Carol! He has it catered, blah, blah, blah. I'm not really much of a party person. ESPECIALLY crowded parties with MANY people. I'm the guy who stands in the corner with a lampshade on my head, wondering if someones gonna pull my cord. They'd be very disappointed when my lamp won't light!

Of course when I finally arrived, it was loaded with peeps! I was like a sardine on the subway in NYC! I tried to make merry and become one with the holiday spirit, but it really wasn't happening. I did my best to be social and nicey-nice, but that's no fun. On top of that, there were two eighty year old "cougars" chasing me around. Not a big self esteem booster!

Last year after the party, I got VERY sick and spent most of the long night, knees on tiles, praying into the ceramic receptacle. I tend to have a cast iron gut, but I musta been real sick 'cause I was chuckin' up a storm let me tell ya!

I've been attempting to decorate my crypt in a lame attempt to bolster my holiday doldrums, but the damn bats keep knockin' it all down. The whispering holiday winds don't seem to be blowing my sails either. I have a 6' phony tree up in my attic, but it just seems a hassle with no one special to help decorate it. That, and I'm a lazy SOB! I do have an official "Charlie Brown Christmas tree" that I love so I'll probably just put that up. "That was easy!"

I also have one of those ceramic Christmas trees with the "lite brite" pegs that remind me of my dear departed Grandmother. I'm sure I'll set that one up too. See that, I'm already getting excited..............................................not!

I'm sorry. I really don't mean to be a downer and a bitch meister.........or do I?! There's still (from 12/08/08) eighteen days until Christmas, so anything is possible I guess. Perhaps I'll splurge on some mistletoe and go through my little black book.

Now if I can only find those eight maids-a-milking.......................................

Holy Crap on a Stick!

I actually have three (loyal?) followers to my Cult of FLAST! You guys must be board. It took lots of money, blackmailing, and psychotropics, but it worked! I'm honored. I hope they'll stay with me until I run this thing into the ground, or at least until the world implodes. Whichever comes first. Place yer bets!

So my thanks go to three lovely ladies whom I've never met, nor have had relations with of ANY kind. I swear on a stack of bibles (& a few periodicals) your honor! Stefany (you'll ALWAYS be my first), Little Isis (shotgun) and the newest blogette, Cate. I'm sure you'll bill me. Do you happen to accept a Sears charge card?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

I saw the above titled "romantic comedy" film a few weeks ago, and had meant to write up a brief review. I'm WAY behind in my Net Flix reviews. Almost overwhelmingly so.

It stars Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars?), Jason Segel (Freaks & Geeks-How I met your mother), Mila Kunus (That 70's Show-Family guy), and Paul Rudd (40 Year Old Virgin). It also stars a young British comic whose name escapes me, but he's pretty funny.

The film is produced by Judd Apatow (Freaks & Geeks-40 YOV) and many of it's cast members are the usual suspects in each others productions which I've never been a huge fan of as the subject matter is usually a bit difficult for me to relate to. Most of their films deal with sex, drugs, and alcohol, with the occasional brief moments of humor. OK, I'll admit I can relate to the sex part (briefly), but that's usually only when preceded by the alcohol part. The characters are mostly teens of which I'm loooooooooooong past the point of no return!

I don't mind romantic comedies at all, (yes- a guy wrote that!) if they're done well, which in my opinion very rarely occurs. Have they ever made a "romantic comedy" that caters to men? I think my all time favorite would be "When Harry Met Sally". Sure it's a bit dated, but I believe it holds up quite well.

Getting back to forgetting Sarah Marshall, is it a great film? No. Is it a (for the most part) funny and charming movie with lot's of heart, and a few moments that should have been edited out? Emphatically yes! I don't wish to give away much of the (simple) plot except to say it's about a guy whose TV star girlfriend dumps him for a famous rock star. The poor guy goes on a vacation (to Hawaii) to get his mind off his predicament, where he runs into his ex and her new beau.

Perhaps the film hit home because of the frame of mind I was in at the time of viewing. I found myself liking/hating the film at the same time. All I'll say is I didn't fly to Costa Rica. If I'm not mistaken, the film was mostly written by Segel. Towards the end of the film there's a (great!) Dracula puppet rock opera (don't make me explain-just watch it) that apparently Mr. Segel had always wanted to actually produce and because of the film was able to include it. The puppets used were produced by the Jim Henson Company of Sesame Street and Muppet Show fame.

The few people I've recommended this to, (mostly guys) have enjoyed it. It's worth a look. I give it three and a half burnt popcorn kernels out of five, and that's without the fake butter oil!

Did I mention the film also stars Mila Kunus?! Hubba-Hubba!

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Final Edit

In an earlier post I mentioned having conceived of a video to help out a co-worker. Today the cinematographer along with the TV 36 anchorwoman stopped by work to show us the (almost) finished product. I must say I was very impressed with the quality and editing despite the fact that it was basically conceptualized and filmed in one day. I'm not sure how long the editing took.

I spoke with the cinematographer as I need some advice as to what type of camcorder I should purchase, as well as the best editing software for the iMac I hope to be purchasing soon. As far as the camcorder is concerned I think I'm leaning towards a mini-DV, which is a small cassette tape that can be transferred over to digital to manipulate in the editing program.

The guy gave me his contact information so hopefully he'll help me out. I'd like to start shooting some short films I've conceived over the past several years. No Stef- it's not porn. It's art!

Fresh Baked Cup Cakes

While out dining with a friend for lunch, I spied a familiar, but not recently seen face. She (and her body) was walking down the sidewalk across the street from where we were eating. I suddenly and rudely left the table to try to get her attention. I was having lunch with a guy for crap sake. Any guy would have done the same thing.

I got her attention by screaming and dropping my pants which in hindsight was probably not one of my better ideas, especially since I was downtown. Despite observing this disturbing spectacle, she smiled and crossed the street. She sat with us for a few minutes before my friend had to leave to return to his job. She ended up walking me back to work. It gave us some time to catch up on each others lives. It was very nice to see her again. Hopefully we'll make more of an effort to stay in touch and not let so much time go by between visits.

The title of this blog is a reference to her vocation, as well as a pet name I occasionally refer to her in the third person......................................or is that the fifth?

Lost and Not Found

I'm feeling a bit lost these days and I'm not exactly sure why. I suspect it's several things. I tend to get a bit melancholy around the holidays. I'm sure that has a bit to do with the deaths of my parents. Mostly the death of my mom, whom I still miss terribly! A great loss is always very difficult around the holidays. It gets better with time, but I think people tend to feel it more on important days during the year.

I'm sure not having a concrete romance in my life figures somewhat into the equation as well. I think people have a tendency to compare current holidays to the ones previous. I was in a better frame of mind last year. I had surprisingly reconnected with someone very special and that made all the difference at the time.

I have a couple Christmas parties to attend during the next few weeks. One at my best friends bike shop, and the other being held by my landlord and friend via the cemetery board of directors who are kind enough to allow me to be the only living person on the grounds. I'll be attending stag and trying not to dwell on the past as to enjoy myself, and not be a downer to anyone within close proximity of my bad self.

Perhaps a few drinks will motivate my Scrooge and Grinch-like demeanor to brighten. Perhaps not.

Lets see, three drinks equals the visit of three holiday spirits. If that doesn't work perhaps someone has a 10 1/2 foot pole to beat me with! ( clever Grinch cartoon song reference- unless of course my measurements are off). A Festivus Pole could always be used as a substitute.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

About Last Night............................

Looks like I survived yet another family event. I'm two for two! After having not seen my siblings in nearly four or so years, I've seen them twice, four times if your counting a wake and funeral, in the past several months.

Last nights shindig was the celebration of my older brothers BIG 5-0! It was held outside of Morristown in a VERY swanky joint. It's called the Park Avenue Club, and it sits on a hill, as though better than all the other structures surrounding it. In fact it's almost as though it's raising it's roof in the air as if to say my shingles are better than yours!

The usual suspects were present; my evil twin, my older sister, and of course the birthday boy. Also on hand were their spouses along with my five nephews that I had not seen in many years. My sisters son said he didn't even know who I was. Yikes! I know I'm a bad uncle, but apparently they don't mind as long as I send them their birthday and Christmas cash.

The birthday boys' wife's family was also in attendance, although I don't know them very well. The first thing I did was make a bee-line for the bar. The particular room we occupied was quite large with a fireplace and it's very own bar. Did I mention there was a bar?! I had the nice young chap tending bar make me up a Bloody Mary. This happens to be my drink of choice when I'm actually drinking which I very rarely do.

It takes great skill to concoct this velvety red libation. Rarely is it made well, tasting more like a cheap shrimp cocktail- you know, the one with the microscopic shrimp. I think they're called Sau-Sea if I'm not mistaken. They do, or did sell them at most grocery stores when I was a youngin'. I loved 'em and good 'ol mom always had some on hand.

Basically what you were paying for was a small glass with cocktail sauce inside. It was sealed with a metal cap and I think most everyone rinsed them out when finished to use for many years as a heirloom juice glass. I think we still have my grandmothers set which must be at least ninety years old or more! But I digress.

My older bothers Secretary had made up several posters for the occasion. they were collages with various stolen photographs liberated from Google images no doubt. It was pretty funny to see my brothers head on various famous and not so famous bodies. It was good for a chuckle or four.

Things seemed to be going relatively smooth until I got pulled aside by my evil Twins wife. Apparently they had made up a name placard displaying a name not matching my dates. Oops. Can you say awkward. The table card displaying the name of RJW was quickly disposed of. As much as I would have loved her to be in attendance, alas she was not.

I'm not sure if my date noticed she was the only one without a name card on the table. If she did, she was very diplomatic and did not mention it. The food was for the most part very good. The menu provided was the fix type that gave you a choice of one of three appetizers, main courses, and desserts. Bottles of wine flowed quite freely. I did not partake as I tend to enjoy watching the drunk show, only to remind those in attendance of their comedic behavior when they return to soberdom.

I chose pasta with some kinda olive/eggplant (yuck) mixture for my appetizer. For the main course I chose the strip steak (medium well) which included mashed potatoes (LOVE 'em!) and a small assortment of minuscule mixed vegetables barely detectable to the naked eye. Dessert however ROCKED! We had a choice between chocolate molten cake or a Cinnamon apple tart which was actually like a small pie crumb cake kinda thing. I love almost anything Cinnamon so of course I chose the apple tart. I tried a bit of the molten cake, and while it was good, mine was better!

After a few speeches, (not from me) and some small talk mixed with some kid quarrels the night was over. All in all it went fine. I'm glad I had that drink to start off with. Booze makes almost anyone tolerable! I think my date had a nice time although she said she never wanted to see me again. I think she was kidding, wasn't she?!

Bartender, give me a Bloody Mary on the rocks! In fact, make it a triple! I'm visiting with my family. Oh, and forget the celery and don't scrimp on the olives my good man.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Gobble-Gobble Said the Headless Turkey!

I hope you are enjoying or enjoyed your hopefully thankful and not thankless Thanksgiving. Today in Jersey is perfect (at least to me) Thanksgiving weather. Cloudy and cold. I'm not sure why I feel that way. It just seems right and always has.

Yes, like a buffoon I'm at work typing up this holiday post as it's the only place I can really accomplish this without distractions (from who?!). Besides, I don't live far away at all. Don't feel bad for me. Being alone on Thanksgiving is a choice for me. I received many kind invitations, but it's a nice day to relax while the wife and my seven brats visit the "out-laws" in Topeka.

Hey, I'm happy and Thankful. Isn't that what today is all about anyway? Who needs that pesky family nonsense. I got to sleep in a bit, had a fine cup o' mud, read not one but two news papers and watched the annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! I love that parade and try to watch it every year as a tradition. I'd love to see it in person, but I don't like crowds!

I was quite comfy watching it on my hi-def 60" Sony LCD, thank you very much! I was very warm in my jams laying on my couch. It's actually Macy's' one hundred and fiftieth year anniversary too. I hope they can celebrate despite the economy amid consumers growing concerns. I fear tomorrow will truly be a "black Friday".

There was a very interesting news article in today's Star-Ledger that indicates the current economic climate might actually have some benefits. It may make people appreciate what they have, more than what they don't have. It could instill values in our country's youth, that these days, tend to take much for granted and still believe "money grows on trees". There's the possibility that it could bring a return to simple joys, and even make us more aware of what the upcoming holidays are all about, as well as their true and important significance.

A few people who lived through the depression stated as bad as times seem to be getting, it was much worse back then. We'll see what happens. I believe there's good in almost everything. You just have to be brave, open, and willing enough to see it.

I'm sure we can all find at least one thing to be thankful for. If you have the basics; food, clothing, and shelter, you actually have more than many people in the world. If you have health, you have wealth. If you have love (family & friends) you have everything!


I wrote that, but I'm sure some other famous person may have written or mentioned it at one time or another.


Before I leave you and return to my humble abode, I'd like to share a Estonian (don't ask) proverb I read today, and I quote; "Who does not thank for little will not thank for much."




Happy Thanksgiving To You and Yours!

I think Charlie Brown and the rest of the Peanuts gang had the right idea.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Bird is the Word

So, what do you eat for Thanksgiving? Growing up the food prepared and eaten by my clan for the holiday was your usual traditional turkey meal. As time went by and we grew older, my evil twin took over the cooking, (he's a bit controlling) barricading himself in the kitchen.

While growing up I preferred to keep the holidays, especially the food, traditional. Tradition and regularity tend to be comforting, especially around holidays where the family stuff can get a little, shall we say, hysterical and crazed. Over time my evil twin began to veer off from the usual holiday dishes. This didn't sit too well with me, but I didn't have much of a say in the matter. It's Thanksgiving for craps sake! I want turkey with stuffing and cranberry sauce. I want mashed potatoes and gravy. I want green beans. I want pumpkin and apple pie. I want, I want, I want, and I want it NOW!

Then things got a little bit weird. I'll attempt to explain. My mother was a single parent attempting to raise four kids on her own, and money occasionally got a bit lean. The holidays were important to her and she didn't want us to go without. We couldn't really afford a nice turkey and heels had been dragged so on this particular Thanksgiving it had become too late to even find one. This was also during my twin brothers "vegetarian phase".

No one, and I mean NO ONE was allowed anywhere in the vicinity of the kitchen. There was an air of mystery in the house as pots and pans banged and strange, unusual and wondrous pungent smells wafted and lingered heavily in the area of the top secret production. As the noises ceased, the kitchen Nazi emerged from his culinary lair to declare Thanksgiving diner was finally prepared and ready to be served.

We all sat down slowly, cautiously anticipating the coming Thanksgiving grub. Isn't that a type of insect? Anyway, a tray containing God only knows what was slowly lowered to the dining table by a winch borrowed from kindly neighbors. There was a sudden hush over the table as eyes went wide. "What in holy buckets is that?", I thought but dared not speak it.

It was shaped kinda like a turkey, but the coloring was a bit off. I took a whiff of the steam rising from the thing, but was unable to identify the smell. It's odor was not particularly bad, nor particularly good. It even had feathers stuck in it, but they looked like leaves that had fallen from a tree. They had been ceremoniously applied to the turkey using extreme creative license.

My evil twin stood there beaming as we all sat motionless, no one brave enough to make the first move. Seemingly frustrated, my ET "carved" the "turkey" which seemed to melt away from the knife as opposed to being sliced. I was served first of course which only heightened my suspicions. I was convinced without a shred of doubt that my ET had been scheming for years to poison me & it appeared my time was at hand. The plates of steaming mystery sat in front of us for what seemed like hours. My ET's eyes psychotically darted back and forth as he waited for his first victim to taste his Frankensteins monster.

My mother, God rest her soul, always the diplomat, bravely took a bite succumbing to its inedible agony. She smiled through chattering teeth, seizing tongue and green pallor. We waited as one our guests prepared to call the undertaker. Wonder of wonders, the coloring of her face returned to normal, albeit still a bit pale. She had survived. My poor mother, my ET's Guinna pig was still breathing. After giving us all the stink eye, my mother without uttering a single syllable, made it clear we'd all better begin eating as well.

To this day I'll never know what I ate. Later in life, x rays would show that not all of the substance had been digested. The doctor told me to suck it up and live with it, much like some folks who take a bullet have to live with a little lead. Rumor has it a majority of the "turkey" was made of scrapple, corned beef hash, and assorted parts of undisclosed animals that cause me to tremble and sweat just thinking about it. If you really wanna know what I suspect, I'd have to say a good percentage of the "turkey" was prepared using a generic brand of cat food.

Never mind the damn turkey! Just get me a beer and a burger!

Merry Hanukkah!

According to Lukas I. Alpert, (in today's NY Post) the Bushes are starting the holidays off on a high note. The Bushes sent out a holiday invitation to leaders of the Jewish community for a Hanukkah reception at the White House next month.

The invitation read; "The President and Mrs. Bush request the pleasure of your company at a Hanukkah Reception to be held at The White House on Monday, December 15, 2008 at six o' clock- East entrance".

The image depicts a Christmas scene of a Clydesdale horse pulling a carriage up to The White House hauling a Christmas tree. A banner on the carriage proclaims, "White House Christmas Tree 2008". The White House is adorned in Christmas splendor with wreaths hanging in the windows, etc.

One Jewish leader used the words, "bizarre" and "weird". Another Jewish leader gave a hilarious explanation to the effect of, It's obvious the illustration shows the Christmas tree is being removed from The White House to be replaced by a Menorah. Priceless! Humor as only a Jew can convey. Take it from me, I'm one half non-thoroughbred Jew on my fathers side!

Ah President Bush. One more interesting way to end your presidency. At least he's got an unintentional sense of humor. Shalom!

It Truly Is a "Wonderful Life"

Every time a cash register rings an angel gets it's wings, sorta.

I'm certainly no angel and my wings were clipped long ago, however today when the cash register rang I won twenty bucks!

I was picking up coffee with my boss this AM when I spied a new scratch off lottery game. Occasionally I play the regular lottery (Pick 6- Mega Millions) and every once in a while a scratch off. The new game is called, "It's a Wonderful Life".....for life! The grand prize is $2,000 a week for life which would be, well, wonderful. The game costs $5.00 and there are four chances to win. Back at work, I feverishly scratched at the boxes like a rabid cat.

Game #1- LOSER, game #2- LOSER, Game #3- LOSE.......wait a minute! "Match three like prizes, win that amount!" Three twenties?! I WON! I WON! I WON! (game #4- also a LOSER- don't wish to be greedy). OK, so I'm not rich, but it's still pretty cool. I'm up fifteen bucks- not too shabby.





"It's a Wonderful Life" is in my top five favorite movies. Yes. I'm proud to say I'm a corny romantic, so pop me in a microwave! I don't consider myself a particularly lucky guy in the realm of winning, however I did win $420.00 earlier in the year. That's four hundred and forty bucks! Well, minus twenty I gave to the clerk to buy himself one cup of coffee at Starbucks.

I'll have to go meet Mary Hatch at Gower's Drug Store to buy her some ice cream. Hopefully Violet Bick won't show up. Last time it was quite a cat fight!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Crazy Show

One man showed up at a federal building in Manhattan, asking for release from the reality show he was sure was being made about his life. Another was convinced his every move was secretly being filmed for a TV contest. A third believed that everything- the news, his psychiatrists, the drugs they prescribed- was part of a phony, stage set world with him as the involuntary star, like the 1998 film "The Truman Show."

Researchers have begun documenting what they dub "Truman Syndrome," a delusion afflicting people who are convinced that their lives are secretly playing out on a reality TV show. Scientists say the disorder underscores the influence pop culture can have on mental conditions.

The question is: Is this just a new twist on an old paranoid or grandiose delusion? Dr. Joel Gold a psychiatrist is currently collaborating with his psychologist brother on a scholarly paper on the subject.


This article by Jennifer Peltz (edited by me) was published in today's NY Post.




The article makes sense although this doesn't seem to be a major breakthrough in the life and times of crazies. Today with reality shows so prevalent and commonly accepted I'm not at all surprised. In fact I'm quite sure the line, as far as most media is concerned, has been blurred to the point where some people can't even tell the difference anymore between what's "real"and whats reality.

I think many people believe a great majority of what they see on TV- read in the paper or online. What some forget, at least as far as the Internet is concerned, is that the data being entered is being entered by HUMANS! Many of these people I believe are well intentioned, however they may not have all or any of the complete facts. Add to that- human error, fallacies, etc. which only add to the problem.

As a child, long before I had even seen "The Truman Show", I often imagined a big hidden camera in the sky filming me, as though my life was one big drama which it was and still is. Even now I occasionally find myself thinking that people, whether they be walking by, or in the cars passing by, are aware I may be on to them. Does that make me crazy, unstable, or mentally ill in some capacity? Well then, so be it. Lock my loony ass up! Actually I think it just makes me narcissistic and selfish.

Can we do another take please? I wasn't feeling that one. I'm ready for my close up now.

Various and Sundry

Had a nice relaxing partial weekend down the shore. I almost ALWAYS have a good time with my best friend Jay. Very few people make me laugh the way he does, and that's very important to me. I'm usually the one making people laugh. I don't mind make people laugh, in fact I quite enjoy it, but It's nice to be on the receiving end every once in a awhile. It's good therapy for me to laugh so hard tears shoot out my eyes like Kamikaze bullets! We're very very much alike in some respects. Kinda like a brother to me. A brother that I actually like. No disrespect to my actual two brotherly siblings.

In the off season Long Beach Island, more specifically Beach Heaven, tends to be cold, bleak, and deserted. Just the way I like it. One of my favorite Thanksgivings was spent at Jays shore house with his mom and a small group of people. After dinner, Jay and me sat by a fire pit in the cold crisp night air sipping port wine. The only things missing were cigars, smoking jackets, and rocking chairs.

Yesterday (at work) we filmed a video that I conceptualized for a co worker who was trying to score one of those quad rider thingamajigs for our department. The US Smokeless Tobacco conglomerate, association, corporation, organization or whatever the fark it's called, apparently gives several of these four wheelers away each year to police departments.

Much like pursing a grant etc., they want to know why they should give one to your particular law enforcement organization. They want you to be creative to show that you're different. My co worker knew she wanted to make a video and ran some ideas by me because she knows I'm into film and have a bit of experience in that realm. To be honest, her ideas were absolute crap! After a few variations I came up with what I thought would work best. It was short, to the point, as well as dramatic with a bit of humor thrown in. Something for everyone.

We were assisted by the TV36(?) Anchor girl, (she looked too young to be a lady & wore too much make up) and a friend of hers who was a filmmaker. I think they shot it on video. They provided all the equipment as well as their time for free, although I think the town did in fact pay the girl, and the cameraman got some nookie! I'll attempt to briefly sum up the video.

It begins with a punk thug walking into a gas station convenience store where he distracts the clerk while he steals several canisters of Chewing (or what they now like to call it), "smokeless tobacco". I think they feel that's a nicer way to tout an alternative way to get cancer as opposed to smoking which is stinky and nasty!

After the theft, the thug hauls ass in his getaway vehicle (my obvious unmarked police- car) and the clerk realizing what's happened gives chase. He flags down a cop (my co worker) driving her police cruiser through the parking lot and gives her a description of the felon. She is then in hot pursuit.

Our lawless infidel (played by a rookie cop) is parked by some woods checking out his swag when he spots the police cruiser and takes off on foot across a footbridge into the woods. The cop runs up and stops, looks at the camera remarking how if she had one of those quads she'd be able to capture the criminal. Yes, corny, dumb, and slightly stupid, but the best we could do with very little time and manpower.

It's now out of our hands, as the filmmakers edit it. I'll be curious and a bit afraid to see the final results at the big premiere at Cannes. It should be noted that I in NO way support the US Smokeless Tobacco people in ANY way, shape, form, creed, religion, or color. I'm a big anti-smoking guy as my mother died from severe emphysema many years ago. It's an absolutely TERRIBLE way to die for all those involved.

Let see, what else is goin' on? I've got the 2nd big and scary family gig coming up. It's a celebration of my older brothers 50th(I think) birthday. Fortunately I was able to sucker some poor woman into joining me. It took quite a bit of alcohol, a little pill, and a videotaped commitment for it to happen, but now that we're passed the ugly business it will hopefully be a good time. If she wasn't coming I most likely would not be attending. Hey it's free food and booze at some swanky joint! Who could pass that up?

Now I just need to get a date for my friends December 5th Christmas party. I'll have to see if I can dig up that "Idiots Guide to Stalking" book I had laying around somewhere. I'm probably a bit rusty and I'm sure it will help.

After much consideration, I think I'm FINALLY gonna break down and purchase a computer. Many people have been pestering me for years to do so. I'm NOT caving! It's MY decision. I don't really like change but I suppose it'll be good to upgrade from my stalwart and dependable, not to mention technically obsolete MSNTV. I haven't actually gone shopping yet, but I have spoken to some computer nerds and have done a bit of research on the web.

I think I'm gonna go with a Mac with a 24" monitor. I've heard many good things about the apple. It's apparently pretty simple to use and you don't have to deal with all those pesky little virus things. On top of that, I also hope to be finally purchasing a decent digital camcorder and the Macs are great for film editing etc. There's also a very cool music program you can install which could be fun. OK, that's it for now. I gotta bounce! I've got band rehearsal in about an hour.

Oh, by the way. Do any of you out there in cyber land happen to have a cool name for my band? I've come up with POG (Pathetic Old Guys) Weezer and the Geezers, as well as Worst Case Scenario. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

Hey look Stef, another post that's awfully long.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Heading South

This weekend I'll be heading down to the shore (LBI) to help my best buddy get his beautiful shore house winterized. It'll be nice to get away if only for a short time. Although it's only a one hour and forty minute car ride, it's far enough away where it seems, well, far enough away.

I actually prefer being down the shore in the off season. Sure it's cold, but it's quiet and relaxing. The NJ shore gets it share of bashing as well as the state itself, but it's usually by people who've never visited or spent much time here. Ya just gotta know where to go. We have absolutely beautiful beaches as well as mountains and forests. We even have country with farms, chickens, cows 'n stuff. Yessiree Bob! In fact, NJ enjoys all four seasons and I myself reside only about forty five minutes outside NYC depending on traffic/weather conditions.

Well that's pretty much my weekend. I don't 'spect I'll have time to post, but who knows? The shadow knows! stranger things have happened. Lord willing, I'll be back Monday. Speaking of weekends, I hope you enjoy yours. Be well.

Please Don't Eat the Daisies!

As I've mentioned before, I'm not much of a TV watcher. Preferring instead to watch DVD season sets at my leisure. Anyone who's been following my blog (That means you Stef) knows I'm a very BIG fan of the show Pushing Daisies. If your not familiar with the show scroll waaaaaaaaaay down where I've written a bit about it.

I predicted the show probably wouldn't last more than two seasons if even that long as it's very well written, clever, witty, smart, etc. Unfortunately shows like this tend to fade away in the ratings due to today's mostly dumbed down short attention spanned viewership that for unknown reasons revels in mediocrity.

This morning I was reading an interview with one of the stars (hottie) Kristin Chenoweth. She stated that they just wrapped up filming of season two and were waiting to hear whether the network would be finishing out the season. It didn't sound very promising despite numerous Emmy nods. How sad it would be if we, the viewership, were unable to enjoy the full second season. We'll see what happens. Chenoweth mentions it's pretty much down to the wire.

At least we'll always have a DVD release to look forward to regardless of whether the series is cancelled or not. Even if it is ultimately kaboshed, several shows have actually returned to network lineup due to a very strong fan base. Some shows that come to mind are; Family Guy (love it!), Jericho, and Joss Whedon's (Buffy) Sci-Fi western epic Fire Fly. Later released as a major motion picture titled Serenity. So there's ALWAYS hope! Here's to hoping. Now hop to it.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

My Posts

I was recently made aware that my posts tend to be extraordinarily long in length. Attempting to be more sympathetic to my extremely close knit readership, I vow here and now (& rhyme too!) to be more mindful of this. It's a very important point and I'm grateful to Stefany and the many others who kindly and unsolicited brought this VERY important matter to my attention. I promise to cut to the chase and lean the beef as it were or is. I further vow to be much more concise in my editing of said posts. I will endeavor to use all the editing and writing skills taught to me at Princeton University by one of their finest English professors, Miss Wolters. At one point, when I was on the precipice of failing her class, she of kind heart and resilient soul, took me under her wing. She rose above and beyond the call of duty to help me raise my grades up to a more than satisfactory passing level. She would tutor and mentor me every free moment she could find and ladies and gentleman, she had very little time to spare. She would help me into the wee hours of the morning, instructing me to obtain the greatness which fallowed in my large intestines. She even helped me most every weekend. All weekend! Time and again (what does that mean?) I would offer to compensate her either monetarily or through constant offers to run errands or build the house she wanted. Even Little things like stealing a car or assassinating someone of her choice. She would ALWAYS adamantly refuse! I put her way up there on a pedestal with likes of Gandhi and Mother Theresa. Perhaps even higher than that! Perhaps she could even stand tall with the Giants; Marsha Brady, Elvis, Betty Boop and Believe it or not, Little Orphan Annie. Yes folks, she's that amazing! In fact, I now propose to write a letter to our new president elect demanding that he name a Federal holiday after her that gives the hard working people of this country and a little planetoid I know of, about three blocks from the milky way, south of the Death Star, three weeks off a week with no pay. At the very least they should name a Candy bar after her!

I deeply and sincerely apologize after realizing I got a bit sidetracked. To further continue on, if shortening my posts would cause readership to grow and lower the boredom factor, I will now enact the FLAST INITIATIVE this day of our Lord November twentieth two thousand eight! Let this new proclamation read as follows; BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH , BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH , BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, with some more BLAH added for effect, followed by yet an overstatement of BLAH, with a bit more BLAH thrown in just to drive the message home. The very last thing I'd like to add just to make my self crystal clear is...........BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Not only was that repetitive, it was quite difficult, monotonous, and tiring to type!


I also vow NO NEW TAXES! So there! Eat that on a plate of spaghetti with a side of corn beef hash with eggs and cream cheese. Followed up with a 1% milk chaser. Hell, throw in the whole damn organic cow for craps sake!


THE END

MAYDAY-MAYDAY! We're Goin' Down!

The holidays are quickly descending upon us! That means a few parties and appropriately themed events. That means dates. In my case, most likely alone. Last year, absolutely no problem. I had an affable and lovely companion to accompany me to all the holiday shin digs. She even waived compensation! This year I may have to resort to an escort service. I never thought it would come to this. Perhaps due to the downturn of the economy, They'll be offering a substantial discount to approved applicants not currently wanted by law enforcement of third world nations.

Next week, the day after my thankful giving or more appropriately taking, I'm scheduled to attend my eldest brothers birthday bash. The last family event went swimmingly (without drowning) thanks to my underage escort. Thank God she had amazingly convincing fraudulent ID! After that, it's my best friends bash at his business, followed by a Christmas party held at a swanky nearby country club for two hours. That's all they could afford. This presented by the cemetery board. I'm aware it sounds a bit morbid, but surprisingly they put on a good spread. Last years was a good time all the way around despite the bathroom incident with the high heels and Batman Underoos. I won't get into it. Check You Tube.

I'm sure they'll be one or two others I'll be invited to if I bring my own food and beverages. Sadly, It won't be the same this year. On the upside, I have cast my lines and nets unto the holy waters of Babylon. We'll see if I can catch any fish. The bait these day is questionable.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Black Kloud Karma

What the hell is going on?! What have I done to offend thee? I don't get it. Just when I thought things were finally getting better, they seemingly escalate into massively unpleasant events! One right after the other. I'm toppling like a row of human dominoes!

The Day started out relatively normal (for me anyway) enough, which included me actually waking up. That's usually a good thing. As I sat up in bed I noticed all my sheets and blankets were missing. WTF?! Aliens? Poltergeists? Bigfoot? The cleaning lady? I didn't know and I couldn't say. OK, whatever. I didn't have time to investigate as I had overslept as usual. The first order of morning business oversleeping or not is a scalding hot cupa mud (coffee for you laypersons).

After downing the coffee, causing third degree burns to my larynx, I prepared for my yearly shower. Not only had I apparently run out of clean towels, but when I turned on the water, dark brown liquid came gushing out! Now what?! I had very little time to get pretty so I took a sponge bath in my sink as the running water there seemed to be an acceptably clear approximation of how h20 should be. I then finished up with an "Italian Shower", which is a massive dosing of Cologne. I threw on some wrinkled clothes that were laying on the floor, did a quick sniff test and was out the door.....................................into SNOW?!

I had been in such a rush that I had not even peered out the window to view this way too early winter wonderland. I'd say there was about a foot of snow on the ground. I don't recall a weather forecast calling for this stuff. On top of that it was absolutely freeeeeeezing out! I dug through the snow to locate the all important daily news paper but wasn't having much luck at all. Doing this with no gloves on of course. What's that yellow stuff in the snow? Aw for craps sake! YELLOW SNOW! I had my hand in yellow snow! How thoughtful that a dog would write a morning greeting for me. On the positive side I found the paper. X or yellow marks the spot!

I got in my car and turned the key. Nothin'. After all that, now my cars engine won't turn over?! Fortunately after several attempts the mighty Element roared to life and I was on my way to work. I kid you not, I got as far as one block when I got stuck in a long line of cars that seemed to be going nowhere fast. Eventually I moved up far enough to see there had been a five car accident. There were three ambulances and two fire trucks, along with a few of my co workers attending to the scene. Finally made it to work. My lengthy commute door to door is almost exactly one mile. It took forty five f-ing minutes to get there.

As I rushed to the entrance to clock in, I hear a mysterious hissing sound coming from behind me. I turn around to see my cars front drivers side tire going flat. Great! Just great. Anything else? Really?! May as well bring it all on at this point. No sooner had I got in the door when I got an earful of wax from my occasional jack ass of a boss. With my head hung low and a very slow shuffle of feet, I made my way to my office ("the icebox") fighting the tears that felt like bullets anticipating being shot from a high velocity sniper rifle. I then sat down at my desk and made this whole damn story up.

AIN'T I A STINKA?!


Yes I may have taken a few truthful liberties, with a smattering of embellishment, but come on, admit it. I got ya. You've been had! Officially and cyberly had! Truthfully though, I did wake up this morning and it was quite cold.

Don't be mad. Life can be pretty boring. I guess I'm just the cop who cried Wolfe! :^)