Monday, December 29, 2008

North to South and Back Again

This year I just couldn't wrap my head around the whole Christmas thing. It seemed to be here and gone before I realized it. I think the biggest problem stems from comparing last years Christmas (attached-sorta) to this Christmas (unattached-sorta).

There I was, Christmas Eve with a few options to choose from. My original plan was to make a few short stops to make myself and everybody else happy. Is that possible? Stressssssssssss! My first stop would be family friends. The second would be stopping by "pajamas" place.

I got stuck working late, as I forgot to take care of some nonsense which had to get done, especially since I was going to be off for the next four days. My bestest friend had invited me down to his shore house to spend Christmas with him (or is it he?) and his mother. Just a simple, quiet, no frills holiday. I was waffling a bit with my decision, but he had said no pressure, it was fine either way I decided.

I was beat as I hadn't slept much the night before. To add to the ambiance, it was cold and raining outside. Just before I left work I decided to check for any phone messages. There was one. From Him. He was mildly pissed, which made me just a wee bit more pissed than him.

He seemed quite annoyed that I hadn't called him yet, saying a few things that were hurtful and confusing. You could even say I was confounded. Does that mean that I was located by someone out of jail? Regardless, I recalled that he implied it wasn't a big deal if I went or not. I was actually planning to head down late Christmas morning. Instead I went home pissed off, defensive, and furious!

Due to the phone message, being very tired, and the lousy weather, all I felt like doing was holing up in the crypt and cocooning. I wanted to call him, but was so angry I was afraid of coming on too strong, causing the conversation to quickly devolve into an unnecessary argument. I waited and waited and waited and waited.

I dialed the phone telling myself to be the bigger man. So big that I would be the biggest in all the land! As he answered, I felt myself beginning to boil. I tried to stay calm and address the things he had said to me. I love the guy, but knew I had to choose my words carefully as to not put him on the defensive where he tends to dwell.

After a few moments I had the urge to mutter a line from It's a Wonderful Life. The one Potter says to George towards the end of the film; "Merry Christmas to you in jail!" All I got out was "Merry Christmas" and I hung up. Despite the way I felt and the way Christmas was shaping up, I didn't want to fight with my friend. I felt sad and defeated. I pouted, "and to all a good night".

The next day I lay around in my jams contemplating the day and my Christmas situation. I went back and forth in my head, leaning towards driving down the shore to his place. No calling ahead. Just do it- like Nike. I'd love to find a T-shirt that exclaimed "Why do it!"


I digress as usual. I could stay home and pout or I could be a grown up and drive down to patch things up. I knew if I didn't he most likely wouldn't call me. It's a kinda, if the mountain won't come to Mohammad thing if you know what I mean. We're grown (physically at least) men for crap sakes!

So That's what I did. I sucked it up, walked it off, threw some dirt in it and journeyed southward to Long Beach Island. It worked out OK. We didn't talk much about it. I didn't feel like groveling and bowing before the king. It was kinda unspoken. We were friends. I stayed Thursday night and returned Early evening Friday. It was the right thing to do. Boy I sure hope he doesn't read this or we might be right back where we started!

Sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing to do.

2 comments:

tia-juana said...

Well, that explains your silence over Christmas.
It was weird this year for so many reasons - usually its enough to see the happiness of the kids. With my Dad gone, I didn't even see the point in visiting my Mom. (long story) Went anyway because I had to - but unlike you, I reeaally didn't want to.
Christmas sucked.
Sometimes, though, people count on us more than we know.
(to borrow your phrase) Sometimes the right thing IS the hardest thing to do.

C. Louis Wolfe said...

& I believe YOU did the right thing. I'm so very sorry about your dad.