I Guess Blondes Do Have MORE Fun After All...

-This one's for vk, wherever she may dwell-

Blondes are said to turn heads and brighten most occasions- at least they think so in RIGA Latvia!

Using the slogan, "Make the World a Brighter Place," 2,000 blondes (possibly including VK- depending on her frequent flyer mileage) will be parading through the Latvian capital. "People need positive emotions, and I hope this event will cheer them up," said organizer Marika Gederte of the Latvian Blondes Association (are your dues paid up VK?). The Association is hoping this rally will fight off the current economic gloom.

No discrimination is involved, the group insists; Non-blondes are allowed to march- albeit behind the blondes.

I know it would certainly cheer me up! I don't even really care who leads or follows. I'm BEHIND them all  the same. ;^)

We Have a winner in Winner!

Some guy or gal is about to become $232 million dollars richer! There was only one winning ticket for Wednesday nights Powerball jackpot. The lucky ticket was sold in the farming and ranching town (Pop. 2,800) of Winner SD.

The winner who has not yet come forward to make his/her claim, has 180 days in which to do so. The jackpot is the ninth-largest Powerball ever won, and the biggest ever paid out in South Dakota.

Hmmm, I have a third cousin, Uncle Virgil, on my great-grandmothers side, who lives somewhere in the area...

She Said YES!

IT'S VERONICA!

Not too long ago I posted that Archie was FINALLY going to pop the question, ready to settle down in comicdom. The cover to issue #600 of Archie shows him on bended knee (aw, how traditional) about to place the ring on Veronica's finger. Archie receives his answer (a resounding YES!) via Veronica's word balloon. Seen in the background through the window of the jewelry store is a crying Betty, as well as a worried Jughead.

The proposal seems to end the longest running love triangle - 67 years - in comic book history. The six-issue story line involves Archie getting a glimpse five years in the future, as he takes a walk up "memory lane".

I hope this isn't gonna be one of those predictable - it was all a dream - things. That would suck, as well as be very unimaginative. I guess we'll find out. Perhaps Jughead will go to law school and become a divorce attorney.

They say blondes have more fun, but apparently Archie doesn't agree.

Been Illin'!

I haven't posted much as I've been sick as a Wolfe these past few days. Hey come on, wipe those tears away- I'm feelin' better.

To make it up to you, I plan to bombard you with several posts to keep you on your toes! I tend to be a bit of a binge blogger anyway. I am seeking help & preparing to be on TV, as I was recently filmed for that Intervention show.

Flyin' South...

My BESTEST friend Jay extended an invite to spend the holiday weekend down South (Jersey that is) to stay at his villa at the lovely resort of LBI, or Long Beach Island for you out of towners. As I type this post, I'm on the nude beach (fully clothed!) surrounded by beautiful ladies and a lone goat. The weather is beautiful and the sea air makes me sleepy. Sadly my body is drenched in SPF 5000, as well as 7 layers of clothing as several years ago a dermatologist friend put the fear of the demon sun in me. I'm on my 15th Margarita, and let me tell ya, this goat is lookin' better and better.

As you celebrate Memorial Day please take a moment to use your heart to thank all the men and women of the armed forces (past & present) who have made the ultimate sacrifice so we as Americans can enjoy our freedoms. I'm not a fan of politics, nor of war. I understand it happens, and there's sadly not much we as American citizens can do to change it. Of the current "war", my confusion and anger are great. I'm NOT even sure what we're fighting for. I suspect the guberment may be in the same predicament, although rationalizing away in order to continue.

I DO NOT support the "war" , however I DO support the troops. Let's pray and hope that they return home quickly and safely! Even one death, and there's been thousands, is one death TOO MANY!

< THINKABLE THOUGHTS >

"It is often said that men are ruled by their imaginations; but it would be truer to say they are governed by the weakness of their imaginations."

-Walter Bagehot
English editor & economist
(1826-1877)

~FACTUAL FRIDAY~

Today is the 142nd day of 2009. There are 223 days left in the year.

*ON THIS DATE*
- 1803 The 1st public library in the US opens in Connecticut
- 1906 The Wright brothers patent the aeroplane
- 1933 The 1st reported sighting of the Loch Ness Monster
- 1965 The Beatles "Ticket To Ride" charts #1 in the US
- 1973 President Nixon confesses his role in the Watergate cover-up
- 1986 Cher calls David Letterman an asshole on National TV (NBC)
- 1992 After almost 30 years, Johnny Carson hosts his final appearance of the Tonight Show

*BIRTHS*
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (writer)
- Harvey Milk (activist-politician)
- Morrissey (musician)
- Naomi Campbell (nasty bitch-model)

*DEATHS*
- Constantine The Great (Roman emperor)
- Rocky Graziano (Boxer)
- C. Day Lewis (Poet)
- Victor Hugo (writer)

* Unfortunate Cookie Friday *

Have you finished your take-out? It's time to finish up with an unhappy ending. Here is yet ANOTHER new exciting feature I'd like to perpetrate upon you, the unsuspecting public. If history repeats itself (as it often does here at FLAST) this will end up in the black hole of posts.

Before cracking open the cookie, let's start off with a brief history of the fortune cookies humble beginnings. There is much controversy and debate as to to where, how, and who invented our favorite edible entertainment.

One history claims the cookie was invented in 1918 by David Jung, a Chinese immigrant living in LA. He was the founder of the Hong Kong Noodle Company. It's said he was motivated to create the cookie by the poor he saw wandering near his shop. He passed out free cookies which contained a strip of paper inside with an inspiring Bible scripture written on it.

Yet another history claims the fortune cookie was invented by a Japanese immigrant named Makoto Nagiwara, who resided in San Fransisco. He was a gardener who designed the famous Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park. He was said to be fired by a anti-Japanese mayor, but later rehired by a new mayor. Grateful to those who supported him during his time of hardship, Hagiwara created the cookie in 1914 which included a thank you note inside it. He passed them out at the Tea Garden who began serving them regularly to customers. In 1915 they were displayed at the San Fransisco's World Fair.

Chinese-Japanese, does it really matter? They're fun, and sometimes even yummy when they're not stale as is often the case. I've even had them dipped in chocolate, YUM!

OK, you go first. What does it say?

* "He who laughs last is laughing at you!" *
- Confucius & confused

Quite often people will add "in bed" to the end of the fortune. Sometimes funny- sometimes not.
- Definitely confused!

Tickling the Ivories

My band (Playback), FINALLY had a rehearsal last night after 3 weeks of NOTHING. We also auditioned a keyboardist/vocalist in the hopes of improving and filling out our sound, as well as being able to cover MORE tunes. He was OK. He certainly had some talent, if not a quirky, unfunny sense of humor- I understand most folk are unable (or unwilling) to meet or exceed mine. Sadly, he upped the nerdy-geek factor so he fit in that way.

I swear, if you dressed him up in a trench coat, with a blond wig and a hat, the dude would be the spittin' image of Harpo Marx. That wigged (pun intended) me out a bit.

-The Listening Post-

The title of this post is a new/old feature where I will post lyrics to a song, or songs, that I have heard recently, or describe the way I'm feeling. It doesn't matter if they're old or new, but they mean something to me and hopefully to you too. Yes I could post a link to a video or audio thingie, but I'm old school & therefore shall not. I hope I have your understanding.

Today I will be posting two songs that sadly coincide with the way I've been feeling lately. Sing along, hum along, or simply follow the bouncing ball.

*DESPERADO*

Desperado why don't you come to your senses
You've been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Now it seem to me some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger they're drivin' you home
And freedom (oh freedom) that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walkin' through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're loosin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feelin' goes away

Desperado why don't you come to your senses
Come down from your fences open the gate
It may be rainin' but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you (let somebody love you)
You better let somebody love you before it's too late.


-Don Henley/The Eagles


*AGAINST THE WIND*

It seems like yesterday
but it was long ago
Janie was lovely she was the queen of my nights
There in the darkness with the radio playin' low
And the secrets that we shared
The mountains that we moved
Caught like a wildfire out of control
'Til there was nothing left to burn
And nothing left to prove

And I remember what she said to me
How she swore that it would never end
I remember how she held me oh so tight
Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then

Against the wind
We were running against the wind
We were young and strong
We were running against the wind

And the years rolled slowly past
And I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home
And I guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worried about paying or even how much I owed

Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searching
Searching for shelter again and again

Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter
Against the wind

Well those drifter days are past me now
I've got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in
What to leave out

Against the wind
I'm still running against the wind
I'm older now but still running against the wind
Well I'm older now and still running against the wind

- Bob Seger

Quiet as a Mouse :-(

Sadly, Wayne Allwine, 62, the voice of Walt Disney's Mickey Mouse has died. He had been the voice actor of Mickey since 1977, and only the third to voice him since Mickeys first appearance in the Disney cartoon short, "Steamboat Willie", released in 1928.

Poor, poor, Minnie. In lieu of flowers please send cheese.

WEIRD but is it TRUE?!

Another one for "Zetz".

A man running for mayor of a town in Croatia promised that if elected, he would bring rampant corruption and rob the town at every turn. His campaign slogan was, "all for me, nothing for you."
And he won!

Locals said they were impressed by Josko Risa's honesty, which they likened to a breath of fresh air. "Now we know what we are letting ourselves in for," said one resident.

FINALLY, an honest politician!

Comical Commitment!

Seems Americas oldest teenager will be getting married this year. After six decades of indecisiveness the popular comic book character Archie (Andrews), will become engaged and married.

But whose the lucky girl? The seductive brunette vixen Veronica (Lodge), or Betty (Cooper), the sweet girl next door. Could it be Archie's held a secret for all these years and plans to marry Jughead? OH MY! :-o

The perpetual teenager with the orange hair will pop the question, FINALLY becoming an honest man. The drama is set to unfold in issue No. 600, which is due to hit comic and book stores in August.

Archie will make the BIG decision during a six issue storyline, which features a glimpse of Archie and his pals from Riverdale five years in the future. Betty or Veronica is the biggest secret of the year.

The Archie publication offices are apparently in lock down as wagers are made around the world that has sent the Nasdaq and the Dow Jones skyrocketing. Personally, I think Archie's always had a thing for Hotdog, but that's just me.

Next thing ya know Batman'll be dumping Robin for the Joker!

T.M.I. Tuesday...The End?!

Is it Tuesday again already?! My how time flies when you're having absolutely NO fun. Well guy's 'n gals, despite knowing better, I'm gonna try this again. Why you ask? Well, I don't have an answer for you. Some readers weren't very happy with my answer(s) to their questions(s) from last week. I hope that won't discourage them, or you, from trying again.

For those of you new to the game, feel free to ask me a question and I will eventually answer it in my most witty and unappreciated fashion. It can be about anything, however management refuses to answer any question that may get me tossed off Blogger.

OK, here we go. Don your helmets and goggles and prepare for blastoff.

5-4-3-2-1!

The Search For Virtual Wisdom

Speaking at the University of Pennsylvania's commencement, Google chairman and CEO Eric Schmidt told about 6,000 graduates that they need to find out what is most important to them- by living analog for a while.

He told the students, "turn off your computers. You're actually going to have turn off your phone and discover all that is human around us." Schmidt added, "nothing beats holding the hand of your grandchild as he walks his first steps."

Schmidt urged the college graduates to step away from the virtual world and enter the real one to make human connections.

Well said. I applaud you sir. Hopefully the rest of the world will take heed as well. Wait a minute, I'm getting a call & I have to finish and send out this email. I promise I'll get right back to you.

What Would Abby Do?!

Sorry kids, couldn't resist this one.

Dear Abby: What is the proper thing to do when one sits on a squeaky seat and the seat makes a noise like someone has passed gas? Your advice?
-It wasn't me

Dear Wasn't Me: In formal situations, everyone should pretend it never happened and the conversation should proceed as it normally would. However, in casual company it is acceptable to say, "that was the seat, not the seat that is on it."

This was a REAL letter in today's newspaper. Here's MY take on it-

Dear Wasn't Me: Yes it was! Let's call a spade a spade, shall we. Sure it's convenient to blame it on a chair, the dog, or grandma, but just man-up (or woman-up, per your gender) and admit to it. It may probably break up the monotony and produce a smile or two. Bare in mind it could also have quite the opposite effect. Besides, you're gonna have to own it sooner or later as the nose ALWAYS knows.

Bonus Advice- I always use the whomever smelt it, dealt it defense. You can't argue with an airtight (pun intended) defense!

Factual Friday

Today is the 135th day of 2009. There are 230 days remaining in the year.

On this date in 1963, Astronaut L. Gordon Cooper blasted off aboard Faith 7 on the final mission of the Project Mercury space program.

Hmmm. Not very interesting is it? That's the best I could come up with. I may have to name this post Factual Failure Friday. Make sure to check back next Friday to probably not find anything like this EVER again! Hey I'm tryin' here.

Wacky Wednesdayz!

Defying all odds and low ratings, the 45th edition of WW'z is back as we celebrate and glorify "hump-day" (don't even think about it vk!). Do you have a little anecdote or story to tell? Something funny, interesting, silly, serious, scary, strange &/or bizarre. Then dive in head first boys and girls, into the shallow comment (not gene) pool and share it with the world, or at least me.

I'm lonely.

T.M.I. Tuesday!

Ladies and germs, once again it's time for my tri-annual (I'll tri almost anything-once!) TMI Tuesday! I can't believe it's been a week already?! Let me tell you, it was such a smash hit that we here at "FLAST" received thousands of emails, texts, post cards, and smoke signals!

I felt is was only fair to bring it back so here we go again. You can ask me one question and I'll try to answer it as honestly as possible- please read the fine print at the end of the contract. It can be personal, invasive, offensive, it can even be really silly, but just ask OK? P-L-E-A-S-E.

Hello? Anyone? Bueller?! *crickets-wind-tumbleweeds rollin' by*

My NETFLIX Nights

Very rarely does a film come along that captures your heart and imagination. It demands attention and challenges your mind. This is NOT one of them!

Last night I watched "Sex Drive" (clever title-not!). This film, directed & written by Sean Anders, with John Morris, is based on the book, "All The Way", by Andy Behrens. Based on an ACTUAL book?!-Whatever. It stars some actors I've never heard of, along with the always handsome James Marsden (X-Men, The Notebook) and the usually funny Seth Green (Austin Powers- Robot Chicken) as an Amish dude.

I don't want to give away the plot, although it's pretty much one of the thousands of road trip-virginity losing type that you've seen MANY times before. It does have some heart and laughs however, with small doses of originality sprinkled throughout.

For the most part I found the film to be immature, gross, offensive, vulgar, childish, soul sucking, as well as mind numbing! I found myself swallowing any dignity I might possess- real or imagined. I certainly felt like I was slumming it a bit..............I guess I kinda liked it! ;^)~

Start your engines- baby you can drive my car!

XXXDirty GirlsXXX?!

It's Victoria's dirty little secret.

Most everyone is aware that men can be gross, icky, and be utterly infested with cooties, however a new survey shows women can harbor many similar traits! Through a recent survey of 1,000 women, conducted by Glamour Magazine and analyzed by the authors of "Let's Play Doctor", it was found that 75 percent of them have urinated in the shower.

It was also found they wear dirty clothes, don't brush their teeth at night and don't shower every day. The authors added, "it isn't really gross to pee in the shower, unless you have an infection, as urine is sterile and non-toxic."

The survey determined that 85 percent of women wear dirty clothes. That apparently isn't so bad if you draw the line at underwear- although 52 percent of those polled admitted that they have worn it dirty. See that, men aren't the only ones who do the "underwear flip"!

A third of the women polled said they don't shower everyday, which doesn't pose a health risk, "but you may keep men at a distance & may clear a row or two at the multiplex," the authors said.

When I was a young lad (too young to be sexist, or at least understand it) I was under the impression that most, if not all girls, were very clean and organized. Sadly over the years that myth has been shattered on numerous occasions, but then there's the whole hypocritical glass house thing.

Hey, I ain't takin' sides here. Don't shoot the messenger! I'm just providin' the soap and towels is all!

MOTHER or MUTHA?!

No matter what you be, I'd like to wish all of you who are mothers, thinking of becoming one, or those of you in the process, a VERY Happy Mothers Day!

Tell your mother (or even yourself ) that you LOVE her, even if you told her 5 minutes ago! Make sure to hug her tight as well, for one sad day your arms will reach out to only air. If you have, or have had, a bad relationship with your mum, P-L-E-A-S-E think about calling, or if easier write (the old fashioned way!), text, or em her. Try to work at FORGIVENESS- if not for her, surely for YOU!

Send her a card &/or flowers. Make her breakfast in bed, but be sure to burn the toast and over-cook the eggs 'cause that's what kids do! Better yet, do absolutely NOTHING, 'cause that's what kids do too, and some adults I guess. Most of all remind her how Lucky she is to have you as a son or daughter, and then when she's not looking steal 20 bucks outta her purse!

This post is in honor of SALLY, my mother, whom I miss terribly everyday, and wish I could hug and kiss, and tell her how much I love her. One day I hope to.

 Wait for me mom.

The Day The Music Died...

On February 3rd, 1959, a small chartered plane headed for Fargo, ND, from Clear Lake, IA, crashed in a field. All 4 aboard were killed. It was a tremendous & tragic loss to family, fans, & the music world at large. The victims included a pilot, as well as three well-known musicians. Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper (JP Richardson), & Richie Valens.

On a side note, about 7 years ago I was invited (by Pat DiNizio of the Smithereens) to attend The Buddy Holly Birthday Bash held in NYC at the Roseland. It was hosted by Paul McCartney, who had previously held the event in England before eventually bringing it stateside. It was a VERY cool star-studded event where I got to meet, or at least ogle some rock & roll greats. I was wearing one of those laminated VIP passes that hang from a lanyard, & even though a nobody, they must have assumed I was a somebody as I was wearing one & mingling. I wasn't about to ruin the charade at this once-in-a-lifetime event!

During the evening a small group of people came over to where Pat and me were standing, and I was introduced (albeit briefly) to Maria Elena, the widow of Buddy Holly! She was kind and gracious, and I told her it was an honor to meet her, to which she replied, the pleasure was hers-WOW! I'll NEVER forget that night!

As per USUAL, I've gone off on yet another of my WORDY tangents without even getting to the point of the actual post.

In 1971 Don McLean released an album that contained a song that would scale the charts to #1 in 1972. And that song was AMERICAN PIE. One of my favorite songs of all-time. An almost immediate classic I NEVER tire of, which holds up pretty damn well even in 2009!

The song, although mainly written about that terrible day in the winter of '59, is about so MANY other things of the times, woven throughout the amazing lyrics. The song clocks in (unedited) at a whopping 8 minutes, 33 seconds! When I was young I had bought it when the song was released on a 45rpm, (does anyone remember them?) & the song was so long it took up BOTH the a-side & the b-side!

So ladies & gentleman, & the ghosts of Christmas past, without further ado or BS, I bring you one of rock and rolls historical masterpieces!

AMERICAN PIE

A long long time ago
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while

But February made me shiver
With every paper I'd deliver
Bad news on the door step
I couldn't take one more step

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died

*CHORUS*
So bye-bye miss American pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

Did you write the book of love
And do you have faith in God above
If the bible tells you so
Do you believe in rock and roll
Can music save your mortal soul
And can you teach me how to dance real slow

Well I know that your in love with him
'Cause I saw you dancin' in the gym
You both kicked off your shows
Man I dig those rhythm and blues

I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pick up truck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died

I started singin'
*REPEAT CHORUS*

Now for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin' stone
But that's not how it used to be
When the jester sang for the king and queen
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
And a voice that came from you and me

Oh and as the king was looking down
The jester stole his thorny crown
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned
And while Lennon read a book on Marx
The quartet practiced in the park
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died

We were singin'
*Repeat Chorus*

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
The birds (Byrds) flew off with a fallout shelter
Eight miles high and falling fast
It landed foul on the grass
The players tried for a forward pass
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune
We all got up to dance
Oh but we never got the chance
'Cause the players tried to take the field
The marching band refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died

We started singin'
*REPEAT CHORUS*

Oh and then we were all in one place
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again
So come on Jack be nimble Jack be quick
Jack flash sat on a candle stick
'Cause fire is the devils only friend

Oh and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in hell
Could break that Satan's spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singin'
*REPEAT CHORUS*

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn't play

And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three men I admire most
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the cost
The day the music died

And they were singin'
Bye-bye miss American pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whisky and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

They were singin'
Bye-bye miss American pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die

-Don McLean

Thoughts & Prayers

One of my newest readers & friend to FLAST, (~vk~) could use some support. Actually more to the point, her much loved dog (Sweet Pea) is VERY ill. PLEASE keep both of them in your thoughts & prayers. THANK YOU very much.

*UPDATE in comments 5-8-09*

My readers ROCK!- THANKS also to those of you who don't comment, but read my posts!

Wacky Wednesdayz!

Since I seem to be on a roll (kaiser or sesame?!), I'd like to try another, in what I hope to be a somewhat regular thang at FLAST. The comments graciously left (if at all) will hopefully be more fun than a barrel full of flying monkeys! Once again I ask my kind & gentle readers to play along to up the excitement factor of my blogity-blog!

Here's how we play-
In ye old comment area, write about the most absurd, strange, weird, funny, etc., thing/situation that has happened to you in the past week or so. This could be good...or not. Correct spelling & grammar unimportant- English kinda is.

So hold on tight, this could be a bumpy ride!

*ADDENDUM 5-7-09*
I must admit I'm a bit disappointed in the lack of participation here peeps!
:-(

In-Cinc!

As an honorary representative of the I.N.S., I'd like to wish all my Mexican friends, both here legally & illegally, a most Happy Cinco de Mayo. I hope you all enjoy the celebration.

I must admit however I don't really get it. Why do folks get so excited about something you add to sandwiches? Hey whatever sinks your boat. I'll take a bologna on whole wheat bread! Heavy on the Cinco de Mayo please!

T.M.I. Tuesday!

Several of my fellow bloggers post these, so I'm going to liberate the idea & try it here at FLAST. Stealing sounds so petty, doesn't it? I find these posts to be quite interesting & ofttimes fun.

I hesitated doing this as I'm not sure it's worth it based on my blog traffic. Please report all accidents to the authorities & your insurance carrier. Also keep in mind your mileage may vary.

OK, so here's how I'm hopping (beyond hope) it's gonna work- No matter what the post topic for that Tuesday, ANY interested reader may leave a question (or 2) in the comment area directed at yours truly. Kindly give me some time to truthfully answer, or at least come up with some amazingly implausible answer that will make your head spin! Please remind me that it's a T.M.I.T. question as I usually can't remember what the hellabaloo day it is! ;^)

Feel free to ask (almost) anything, & I being the witty forthright kinda guy, will attempt to answer it to the best of my abilities. It can be a personal question, a fun question, a quizzical question-whatever! If there is enough interest (at least 1 bored reader) I will continue this (ASSumed) exciting NEW feature at FLAST. If not, it'll probably go the way of the Flying Monkey Butt Flu!

So get out your #2 pencils (make sure they have erasers) & play along. P-L-E-A-S-E! I'm really trying to keep this blog interesting folks, but I need your kind assistance. My sponsors are dropping off like flies, & I really need the cash to pay off my 1/3 second cousins bail bondsman!


*ADDENDUM*
OK, new rules. Only one question per person, per Tuesday- THANKS! Have you read my answers? They're even longer than my posts which tend to be quite wordy & long! For the MOST part I think that went well & I enjoyed it VERY much, although I was hoping more folks would chime in. Can you guys come back with new questions under assumed sketchy pseudonyms?

Blue in Jersey

Just got home a bit ago. It's cold, rainy , & dreary out.

I think it'll be a good night to light some candles & play some cool, slow, sad jazz. I may have to throw on some Ella, Lady Day, King Cole, & perhaps a bit of smooth cooke. That cats got soul in spades & of course Cole's the velvet crooner. I'd better toss on some Peyroux as well to round out the mix.

Now where's that fire place, I know I left it around here somewhere. 

All's Swine & Dandy!

What the...

Now the nation's top public-health official is saying there are positive signs that the swine-flu is NO MORE severe than garden-variety influenza?! So now it's simply the good old standard flu that's going to kill us all?!

For craps sake make up your minds already! Now I have to find something else to obsess & worry about. And just so you know, that kicked horse is NOT dead, & healing up well at the veterinarians.

Thinkable Thoughts

"When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt."

- Henry J. Kaiser, American industrialist
(1882-1967)

Oh man, I'd better get back to work!

WEIRD but is it TRUE?!

Couldn't resist this one! Read it & you'll know why.

"We need someone to be the new Wolfman," said a rep for Clark's Trading Post, a longtime roadside sideshow attraction in Lincoln, N H.

The old Wolfie is retiring & cleaning up his act after 15 (actually 25) years. The job description says applicants must grow a beard & eschew soap, & work up to 48 hours a week at 12/hr.

I wonder if they'll ever get someone else to fill my fur?

Thinkable Thoughts

"He who is swift to believe is swift to forget."

- Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel,
Polish-born scholar (1907-72)

Oink-Oink...Here Piggy-Piggy!

You're probably thinking this is gonna be yet ANOTHER laborious & monotonous Swine-Flu related post. Nope! It's just the sound my co-workers make around here at the ol' pig pen!

*Sniff-sniff. Smell that? I smell bacon!*

HORRORscope!

*This post should appeal to Zetz- a faithful blog reader*

A 47-year-old Southern California woman, Deborah Perez, has come forward claiming she is the daughter of the never apprehended Zodiac Killer who terrorized The San Fransisco Bay area 40 years ago.

She states, she even helped her adoptive father, Guy Ward Hendrickson, carry out several of the gruesome slayings. Perez told cops she was 7-years-old when she saw her (since deceased) father kill strangers.

"He told me he was sick, and all I wanted to do was help my dad." She added, "He kept telling me he was sick and had killed many, many people. I had no idea." Zodiac, blamed for at least five deaths, was never caught. Detectives plan to follow up on these new allegations.

Perez said she gave cops horn-rimmed glasses that belonged to the last victim, San Fransisco cabby Paul Lee Stine, & letters she wrote on her fathers behalf, some to a newspaper.

As a "Johnny Lawman" I find this VERY fascinating. I can't wait to see how this all plays out. I hope she's not some loopy kook, & that this turns out to be the real deal. I'm always interested in true-life mysteries, (like my love-life) especially when they're solved so many years later, much like the List murders that occurred in my town, when the killer, John List was apprehended about 17-years later due to a tip on the TV show, Americas Most Wanted. Coolness.

Mmmmmmm-Ahhhhhh...

This is pointless self indulgent post about a self-indulgent topic that no one will care about but me, but being this is MY blog (& I'm really bored), I will henceforth type the words that most likely will only be glimpsed by thine own eyes.

-William Shakespeare
(most likely never-ever said this)

I've been receiving massages at my abode for many, many years now. I insist (I sound like a snob, don't I?) on the masseuse coming to my residence- Not because of laziness (well, perhaps a smidgen) mind you, but because I prefer my body raptures in the evening as close to bedtime as possible. Also for the fact that I find it difficult to do anything afterwards as I feel somewhat non-productive, but MORE importantly, I do not wish to revoke my state of relaxation. I'm not exactly sure where that state is located, but if I had to guess, it's just N/W of Alaska.

Through the years I've hired 'em & fired 'em. Mostly because of frequent cancellations on THEIR part (of course). I'm always out for the the best bargain I can find whether it's for myself or someone else. Hey, I'm not cheap, just a bit thrifty. We live in difficult economic times for craps sake, & I like to hoard my millions- I sleep on a very BIG mattress! ;-)

Getting back to the point (Is there one?), my current girl- no, I'm not homophobic (I'd like to think I'm not- I prefer a woman's touch, what can I say?) has been slowly increasing her costs. This measure forced my hand & I began to seek other options, & one day there it was. Anka staring back at me from a full color ad in one of those crappy newspapers that gets dumped on your driveway- that you don't want, but it makes a great door stop after it's been seasoned & weathered a bit.

I called the number & spoke with a woman with a barely detectable European accent- with a name like Anka it makes sense. We spoke briefly on the phone & she said she'd like to speak to my current massage therapist as a reference. DILEMMA!- I'm somewhat friendly (DON'T read into that!) with my current masseuse & we hang out (albeit rarely) once in a while. If Anka called her she'd most likely be offended & I'd NEVER want that. She's sweet, & pretty good at what she does.

Since I work in a somewhat import authoritative capacity (riiiiight) I asked her if she'd be willing to stop by my humble (riiiiight) place of employment to which she agreed. She arrived & we spoke about my needs & what I was looking for in a massage (DON'T read into that EITHER!). It was important that she get a reference (or 2 or 3) from me or at least meet with me as she had been freaked out by that "Craig's list murder" thing- understandable.
We set up an appointment & she left.

She arrived on the appointed date, promptly on time I might add, with her husband in tow. Hmmmm. Was he her body guard? Was he gonna stay & watch this process unfold?- I felt that would be kinda creepy & hinder my relaxation. Basically I think he came along for peace of mind (for both of them), but he left shortly thereafter. Apparently she was having car trouble so she needed a ride.

We got down to brass tacks or the nitty-gritty if you will-or won't, & let me tell you, it was hands down one of the BEST massages (& at a fair price) his Majesty (that would be ME) has ever received! Once completed she was hired on the spot.

I'd like to set the record STRAIGHT- I insist ALL my massages finish up with an unhappy ending- NO funny stuff see?! It's all legit. All I need is to be arrested in some FBI sting! I very much look forward to the next one. :-)

Addendum- Let me please just add as usual this was supposed to be a brief post about finding a new masseuse, indulging & enjoying , & look what happened (again!). If you've read this far you get a shiny gold star & a thank you from yours truly! Who says I never reward my readership.