Black Kloud Karma

What the hell is going on?! What have I done to offend thee? I don't get it. Just when I thought things were finally getting better, they seemingly escalate into massively unpleasant events! One right after the other. I'm toppling like a row of human dominoes!

The Day started out relatively normal (for me anyway) enough, which included me actually waking up. That's usually a good thing. As I sat up in bed I noticed all my sheets and blankets were missing. WTF?! Aliens? Poltergeists? Bigfoot? The cleaning lady? I didn't know and I couldn't say. OK, whatever. I didn't have time to investigate as I had overslept as usual. The first order of morning business oversleeping or not is a scalding hot cupa mud (coffee for you laypersons).

After downing the coffee, causing third degree burns to my larynx, I prepared for my yearly shower. Not only had I apparently run out of clean towels, but when I turned on the water, dark brown liquid came gushing out! Now what?! I had very little time to get pretty so I took a sponge bath in my sink as the running water there seemed to be an acceptably clear approximation of how h20 should be. I then finished up with an "Italian Shower", which is a massive dosing of Cologne. I threw on some wrinkled clothes that were laying on the floor, did a quick sniff test and was out the door.....................................into SNOW?!

I had been in such a rush that I had not even peered out the window to view this way too early winter wonderland. I'd say there was about a foot of snow on the ground. I don't recall a weather forecast calling for this stuff. On top of that it was absolutely freeeeeeezing out! I dug through the snow to locate the all important daily news paper but wasn't having much luck at all. Doing this with no gloves on of course. What's that yellow stuff in the snow? Aw for craps sake! YELLOW SNOW! I had my hand in yellow snow! How thoughtful that a dog would write a morning greeting for me. On the positive side I found the paper. X or yellow marks the spot!

I got in my car and turned the key. Nothin'. After all that, now my cars engine won't turn over?! Fortunately after several attempts the mighty Element roared to life and I was on my way to work. I kid you not, I got as far as one block when I got stuck in a long line of cars that seemed to be going nowhere fast. Eventually I moved up far enough to see there had been a five car accident. There were three ambulances and two fire trucks, along with a few of my co workers attending to the scene. Finally made it to work. My lengthy commute door to door is almost exactly one mile. It took forty five f-ing minutes to get there.

As I rushed to the entrance to clock in, I hear a mysterious hissing sound coming from behind me. I turn around to see my cars front drivers side tire going flat. Great! Just great. Anything else? Really?! May as well bring it all on at this point. No sooner had I got in the door when I got an earful of wax from my occasional jack ass of a boss. With my head hung low and a very slow shuffle of feet, I made my way to my office ("the icebox") fighting the tears that felt like bullets anticipating being shot from a high velocity sniper rifle. I then sat down at my desk and made this whole damn story up.

AIN'T I A STINKA?!


Yes I may have taken a few truthful liberties, with a smattering of embellishment, but come on, admit it. I got ya. You've been had! Officially and cyberly had! Truthfully though, I did wake up this morning and it was quite cold.

Don't be mad. Life can be pretty boring. I guess I'm just the cop who cried Wolfe! :^)