High Anxiety or Losing My Mind and Other Things

I lose things ALL THE TIME! To be honest, losing things brings about a bit of anxiety in me. Not a complete meltdown mind you, but I tend to get a bit worked up. When I say lost, I'm mostly referring to smaller everyday type items. Yesterday morning it was my sunglasses. I'd recently lost a pair of reasonably (for me) expensive ones. I'm still awaiting their return from the island of misfit spectacles.

It's not so much losing something that wigs me out, it's not knowing where it is that freaks me. Issues I know, turn the page. I feel this intense compulsion to know where most things are at all times. That's why I always leave my keys in the door. I try to keep everything in the same place for my fragile sanity's sake. I guess it's a security thing. 

I told my boss I had to leave work to look for something I lost. He understands despite being a pain in the ass. In fact he, as well as my chief, lose stuff ALL THE TIME! You should see the three of us together. It must be quite humorous to those watching. It's like a meeting of the ADD society. No one listens to anyone. We seem to all talk at each other instead of to each other, and all at the same time. What a train wreak!

I backtracked and did find my glasses at home, just inside the front door where they fell as I was leaving for work. I can't even begin to explain the euphoric relief I feel when I find a lost item. You'd think I'd recovered millions of dollars or an ancient Egyptian artifact! You name it, I've lost it. Whether it be my house, car or luxury yacht. I've thrown away (by accident?) wallets and checkbooks. In fact just yesterday I had left my cell phone on a shelf at Barnes & Nobles while perusing periodicals. While in another section of the store a light bulb went off, and I went into panic mode. Fortunately it was still on the shelf where I had left it. I have some guardian angel(s) let me tell you. He, she, or they definitely have a sense of humor I do not find funny in the least!

In late October I stopped by the grocery store on my way to work. As I was driving to work, I had a mind's eye snap shot of my wallet/Badge/ID on the roof of my car. I pulled over looking on the roof and all around my car, but didn't see it. In a blind panic, I drove back about a half mile to the (very busy) grocery store to try to locate my wallet. Losing this particular wallet causes all kinds of problems. Officers reports, nationwide teletypes, minor stuff like that. I lost a previous one many years ago so I'm all to well aware of the drill! 

While on the topic of losing important pieces of law enforcement equipment, I lost at least two hats back in the day. Same routine. Most people are probably unaware that the hat badge is a very important thing, equal to the wallet badge. One hat was never found, and I'm sure resides in some thugs memorabilia collection. I occasionally check eBay to see if it's listed. The other hat was finally found albeit pancake flat! Both hats were lost by leaving them on the roof of the car as well.

Getting back to the grocery store incident, I frantically crawled around the parking lot like a crazed fool, but couldn't find it. I was counting off the purchases in my head that some thief was making with my credit cards. I went inside the store and left my personal info. in hopes that some righteous individual might do the righteous thing and turn in my wallet, giving me a glimmer of hope in humanity. I got back in my car and drove slowly up and down the (very busy) avenue on the shoulder hoping to spot it. 

For shits and giggles I pulled over to the same spot where I had first realized I had left it on the roof, checked the roof again, lo and behold (Shakespeare?) there it was barely hanging on to the luggage rack. As sad as it sounds, I was almost brought to tears. I felt an un-manly sob comin' on so I grit my teeth, furrowed my brow, and persevered until I got to work where I dramatically wove the tragic , but ultimately happy tale to the boss.

One last quick mindless tale (there are many) was when I thought I had lost my glasses. I called up to my bosses' office to see if I'd left them there, but he said he didn't see them. It was whilst walking up to check for myself, I realized They had been perched on my nose the whole time! What a buffoon!

Now where did I leave my mind? Last thing I remember it was barely in my head!