I'm not a big fan of the Big W. I guess that kinda makes me a snob, but hey, with the economy the way it is, I'll slum it, but I'll have to wear a disguise. Actually I wasn't there to purchase. I was there to return.
I stood in line watching some "sista" spewing profanities at the employees like Linda Blair at an exorcism! She threatened them saying she would call her husband (poor guy) and have him take care of business.
As I've said before I'm not a particularly patient man, so I started to get fidgety. Then came the heavy sighs, followed by the silent under my breath mutterings known only to me. Anyone else hearing it would probably suspect I'm speaking in tongues! I dramatically rolled my eyes as I looked down at the floor. WTF?! Is that money on the floor?! Is it a dollar? NO, it's ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS! Yes!
Like a rabid squirrel hording nuts for the winter, I instinctively and quickly bent over and snatched it up before anyone knew what happened. I began to shake and tremble as my hands grew clammy. I broke into a light sweat above my brow as well. Run for it I thought, run for the hills! Fly young sparrow. For craps sake, beat feet my friend! The hell with the return. Keep it AND the money and your WAY ahead of the game my fine felonious fellow.
Oh no, the horns began to recede like my hairline, and that bent halo was beginning to appear, albeit more crooked than usual. I figured it had to be somebody within close proximity as I would have noticed it earlier. It must have just fallen out of someones pocket. If I ask everyone if they're missing $100 dollars, of course everyone is going to say yes!
I asked the guy directly in front of me if he was missing any money, to which he thankfully replied no. That's one down, one to go. That's when I made the mistake of asking the guy at the counter if he was missing any ca$hola. With that he reached into his (empty) pocket and said, yes-I'm missing a hundred dollars. Aw nuts! It was either a really good guess or it did in fact belong to him. He was so glad I found it and gave it back to him. I must have restored his faith in humanity because he gave it back to me and told me to keep it! Actually he didn't.
I felt kinda good. I know I did the right thing in returning the money. Don't get me wrong, I hesitated as my mind raced, cha-ching! I know if I lost it, I'd like someone to return it to me. Perhaps some good Karma is headed my way, perhaps not. It's OK though, because as I was leaving I stole his wallet which had much more ca$h in it then the $100.00!
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4 comments:
You have a gift in that we can feel like we're standing in that line next to you. (what's that called? - I was an Englsih major for only one semester before I realized that I don't read). I remember stnding in line behind that lady, too, the last time I was returning something to Walmart
I hope that I would have tried to find the owner like you did - but I'm not sure.
Did you have to mention squirrel?
Hey Tia, you were tired when you typed that comment, weren't you? :-)
English Major? I'm glad you switched majors. Jus' kiddin' sister.
I have to mention that damn squirrel at least once a post. He-she-it (more like it), said if I didn't, he-she-it would store it's nutz under my mattress- I can't live like that. I have enough trouble sleeping!
yes, I was. pretty lame, I know.
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