They're Creepy and They're Kooky.......

DA-NA-NA-NA *SNAP-SNAP*!

The Addams Family ain't got nothin' on mine! This past Saturday night was the first time in about FIVE YEARS that I got together with my siblings. That would be four of us. My evil twin (ET), my older brother, my older sister, and myself of course.

There's a whole sorted and quite boring story as to why It's been so long since we've all gotten together. Well actually they have, sans me. The occasion was a group birthday celebration. My (ET) and me had ours in September. My older brother and sister have theirs during the same week in November.

Initially, I was not planning to attend, however the death threats became a bit much. I'm not getting any younger and family is, well family. Blood is also thick and red. Now don't get me wrong, I love my family..........sometimes. I just don't particularly like them. And that's OK. You don't have to. No one really gets to choose their kin folk . I blame the parents. They're the ones who usually cause these things to happen. It's that whole; You can pick your nose. You can pick your friends nose. You can pick your.............well I'm sure your well aware how the saying goes.

We were to meet Monclair at some hip joint named Table 8. The ironic thing being it would be a party of 8 for Table 8, at 8pm. How cute. I was actually looking forward to trying this place out. It looked pretty cool. Turns out the ET waited too long to make the reservation, and dinner would have ended up starting pretty late. We're all old, so it would be well past our bed time by the time we ate. It's not cool to fall asleep in your soup.

Because of this, there was a change in venues. Now it would be an Italian restaurant in Newark. Newark?! Whatever. Dodging the bullets from gang wars makes eating a bit more exciting.

I couldn't do this thing alone and called upon the kindness of Miss Wolters to help me out in my time of need. Fortunately she agreed. She kinda had to. She owes me lots of money! She had actually only met my older brother and was looking forward to the full Monty. And the full Monty she would have. Before we left I wished her good luck. I said a prayer for her and doused her with holy water after choking her with rosary beads I stole from a nun while she was smacking some kids hand with a ruler!

We met up at the restaurant and I immediately spied my ET and sister. I failed to mention spouses would also be in attendance. That was another reason for me to bring a guest. I did not wish to be the older, wayward, spinster bachelor in the corner. My ET brought his wife lowell, (me thinks a mans name) and my sis brought Howeird. My older brother and his wife arrived shortly thereafter. The place seemed OK. Not fancy. Not a dive. Pretty much what I expected. They brought the menus which were pretty heavy. I bet they chain these things to people to weigh them down when they throw them overboard. Holding one of these things made my arms tremble. Now I know how Moses felt carrying those damn tablets down the mountain.

Everyone proceeded to order booze and apps. Now I'm not much of a drinker, but I needed some liquid courage. Screw the food! Bring me a pitcher of sangria. Heavy on the gria! Between Miss Wolters lovely smile and personality, along with several glasses of sweet nectar, this was turning out to be not so bad. We ate, we laughed, we gave each other the stink eye, and it was over. Oh I forgot to mention, one of the waiters, or the owner, I'm not sure which, visited our table on a few occasions. I swear this guy looked like he was gonna whack somebody! I'm trying to recall his name. It might have been Vinnie bagadonuts, eddy capuchinno, or Sal Manilla. I'm not sure.

We were all standing outside when the invites started to fly. Come to this. Come to that. Whoa Nelli! Hold on a second pardner! Just because I attended this particular family shindig did not necessarily mean I would be attending them all. We'll see.

Oh, and sadly Miss Wolters lost her designer mink coat. Now most likely in the hands of some homeless soul or a member of PETA. We have no idea where that coat went. It pulled a Houdini. My guess is it ended up wherever my $4,000 sunglasses went. The black hole of lost souls and property.

That's all for now. Time to go home and eat leftovers from our "last supper". Ow. My fingers hurt.

(10-14-08) I'd like to add that Charles Addams, creator of the Addams Family and a famous New Yorker Magazine cartoonist, grew up in my town in NJ. DA-NA-NA-NA *SNAP-SNAP*! Uncle Fester, get that light bulb out of your mouth! Your wasting electricity!